Cheerleading Your Spouse

The Bible says we are to build one another up not applies in a marriage relationship you do if you look at your spouse and you go, just not much I can find.

That's encouraging here. Here's Erin Ivey it's not about being fake. It's not about just so you're awesome. It's about finding something in your spouse that you can share on right because there's a lot of things about about me that Jamie shouldn't cheer on their things I need to change.

Still there was any student to grow and mature and all that stuff but in your spouse no matter who they are.

You can find something in them to cheer.

It's like believing into them something that's true about themselves. This is family life today. Our hosts are Dave and Wilson on Bob Lapine. You can find us online@familylifetoday.com.

When was the last time you were a cheerleader for your spouse and when was the last time your spouse would say. I felt like you were encouraging her to talk more about the priority of encouragement today statements and welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us. One of my favorite video clips from the art of marriage video series that family. I produced a number of years ago was something that was shared with us by our mutual friend Robin McKelvey, Robin and her husband Ray speak at the family life. We can remember marriage getaways with us and Robin made the statement she talked about the fact that in high school. She had been a cheerleader and she said the team that they cheered for didn't win a game all season and you don't get it. Here it is the fourth quarter and you're down by four touchdowns and the team is not, I know a lot about being down and not winning hard to stay motivated yet the cheerleaders are there trying to get the crowd excited and nobody's believe it or they're going, you can do this. Robin said we cheered for a stinky team but we had to keep cheering for them even when they were stinky and she said and then she realized when she got married she had put on take off her wedding dress she said and put on the cheerleader uniform and see if the stinky tea as the team was not playing well and you still have to cheer them on you guys had an opportunity to talk about this subject recently with friends of ours, Aaron, and Jamie IV. Many of our listeners probably listen to Jamie's podcast which is called the happy hour Aaron. Her husband is worship pastor at Austin stone church in Austin Texas. He's a songwriter he's a musician and infected Dave since you played a song for him that you had written you decided during this time. Maybe you'd like the pro he sorta wanted to one up me and Shirley did. Let's listen to what your conversation with you Forests Are the Books about Love. So This Is a Song Called Love Is about Jesus. Jamie Been a Big Topic of Fighting for 20 Right I Wrote One Song about Jamie and She Was like Because It Was a Joke Very Soon. He Won't Miss That Part Is, Sung by J As.

This Is You. I'm Thinking about Your Book. Jamie You Are so Gifted Communicator Your Writer and Your Gifts Are Different and yet You Guys Complement Each Other Well, without Completing or Being Jealous Now Is Not Pretty Typical or Do You Get Jealous of One Another in Your Gifting's Jealous of One Another. Now I Would Say the Thing That I Have To Work the Hardest.

That Is to Throw All My Junk on the Days to Member to like Cheer Aaron on and What He's Doing.

If That Makes Sense Because I Can Just Get My Head down and Errands.

A Word of Affirmation Guy I've Had to Learn 20 Years and You Come in with the New Song When I Tell You Guys.

I'm Not Musical Notes and I Can't Seem to Understand It All Sounds Same to Many, It's Just Not What I Do so He Can Bring a Song and Many Times I Have Felt and Just Okay That's Great. Whatever You Do What You Want to Do and That's Been so Hurtful to Him and so I Think It's Very Vulnerable to Rightists Very Very Hesitant to Hear Your Heart, Your Soul, Jamie.

I Can Relate to You Because with Dave. He Was an Athlete He Started This Church Is a Great Pastor. He's a Great Communicator and I Feel like Everybody's Telling You He's Great on All Chapter Called Cheer Sure You Never Read Our Vertical Marriage Book, but There's a Moment in Our Marriage Make a Very Brief Because I Want to Hear What You Think of This, and Then How to Place the Marriage but We and Was Asked to Speak at Our Church.

Mothers of Preschoolers. As He Says to Me Last Minute He Would like Me to Be Great Though.

I Loved Eric a Man's Perfect Love Pastor Dave Levitt Come with Me. So We Go.

Would I like What You Talk about. I Got to Know You Do Your Thing and I'll Just Just Be Color Commentary so She Gets All Made in Getting into This and No Idea What to Say Think You Get What It's like to Be As True As It Usually Is. Little Boys We Have Someone in Our Lives, Cheering for a Good Mom.

Dad Watched Me Found That I Was Getting Sports and so I Have Coaches and Teachers like Dave Wilson You're Good at This New Cheering for Me Because I Played College Football. I Was a Quarterback and so I Have Fans Cheering for Me and She Basically Says of All the Men in the World You Dave Will Send You Cheering for Me on This Stool and Keep up His First Time It Came out That This Is All Never Heard It in My Life.

I Never Knew That What He Felt like Now When One Door Your Mortified Weekend That Was God Doing with Her We Would Hear from You As CX.

He Said I Am the Holy Spirit, but That's a Whole Important Is It That Your Spouse Feels like You're Being Cheered by the Other Talk about Think It's One of the Most Foundational Things to Our Marriage Where Each of His Biggest Cheerleaders Never Had That Feeling of Not like I Don't Feel like You're You like for Me the Loudest Cheerleader in My Life but I Would Say You Know It Started out with This. Realizing How Important That Is in Us like Really Challenging Ourselves and Each Other to Be Each Other's Biggest Cheerleaders. Think about It When You're Dating Somebody You Have No Problem Cheering Him on Writing Them Letters. You Can't Would Stick Them Flowers or Pick Them up and Tell Them How Beautiful They Are, but for Whatever Reason You Get Married.

That Seems to Come Go Away Because You Assume Will of Course You Know I Love You, I Mean Right Here but It Just Takes Much, Much More Work and Intentionality to Go Now I Want to Keep Reminding You That I Love You and Here's What Because Every Person Is Going to Be Cheered on by Somebody in Your Spouse Has a Boss. The Supervisor That a Professor They Got People in Their Life That Really Is Steam Them or Think Highly of Them and so They're Going to Find Verbal Affirmation to Find Cheering from Somebody and If It's Not You That's Good to Become More and More Attractive and More More Appreciated That.

I Tell the Story. My Portion of the Book Was after Doing a Live Music Thing and in Front of a Big Group of People and I Was Standing on the Side of the Stage and Jamie Wasn't at This Event.

This Woman Walked Right up to Me and She Grabbed My Elbow and She Just Said like the Kindest Things in the World about Me like You Are Awesome I Love Your Songs and Change My Life. All This Kind of Stuff That the Other Days like Very Nice Genuine Words That I Know She Meant and I'm Super Humble Pie. But Also, Though, in That Moment.

It Felt Really Good. It Felt so Good to Be Cheered on by Somebody. I Remember Going Home and Telling Jamie about This Whole Experience Because I Knew That It's Really Easy and It's Possible to Just Want to Get That from People and Jamie Is like Silent about Cheering Me on That, Start Going and Looking for Verbal Affirmation. Whether It's Online on Instagram or It's Just Hearing People Say Nice Things and One One of the Ways for Me to like Make Sure That I'm like Rooted and Grounded in Humble Is to Know That My Spouse Is Actually the Biggest Cheerleader My Life Because of the Other Who I Really Want to Believe in Me Jamie Not a Complete Stranger That'll Never See Again and so We Just Talk about That A Lot in Our Marriage for Me to Be Able to Say like Hey Jamie This Is Important for Me Not to. So Your Puffin Me up Better about Myself. I Want to Know That You Still Believe in Me after All These Years and Jamie Also Gets A Lot Of Affirmation Online for People Reading Her Books and I Just Made a Commitment Nobody's Got out Your Jamie IV. My Seismic That's My Commitment Right Now I Want to Get That for Me in Your Cheering and Your Cheering to Another Carry so Much More Weight. Some Items up the after Song after Sermon for Me and They Say Great Things They Don't Know This but in Your Mind Are to Think and They Don't Know Me and Is a Real That Not but If Your Wife Who Know the Real You. Your Husband Is Still Cheering Right Ass like Will Receive so Many Marriages Fall Apart Is They Get That Affirmation and on. At First so I Don't Really Know Me Then That Becomes Exciting to Owe Somebody Cheered Me on and They Don't Have To Deal with All of My Baggage They Don't Know the Real Me.

They Don't Know That I'm a Jerk at Home.

Some Sky Live in That World and Take It Home.

That's All Marriages Fall Apart. Yes, Going out Again with You, It Was an Exaggeration. Never As She Pulled Me but It Felt That Way We Just Did a Mini like Marriage Retreat with NFL Quarterbacks Just a Group of and They Talked about Being Booed and I Noticed They Talked about One of Their Colleagues like I Could Mention His Name Was Plan during Coded so There's No Fans There Explained so Bad They Pipe It Is No Way You Came in and Literally's Were Sitting There, I Said to Them, so What's It Feel like NFL Quarterback and You Get Good and They Said It Destroys Us Play.

It's like Is Good, but I'm Not Feeling Very Yeah Yeah Once I Got Home to All Spouses Continually Curtail Right Downgrading You Guys and Experience It, but You Have Experienced the Cheer Part. Yeah, and It's Not about Being Fake. Yeah, It's Not All Just so You're Awesome. It's about Finding Something in Your Spouse That You Can Share on There's A Lot Of Things about about Me That Jamie Shouldn't Cheer on Their Things I Need to Change Still There Ways and Use Them to Grow and Mature and All That Stuff but in Your Spouse No Matter Who They Are. You Can Find Something in Them to Cheer. It's like Believing into Them Something That's True about Themselves, Which I Think Is so Important.

Can You Find It to Them Well and There's a Listener Right Now Going You Don't Know Myself Because I Have Lights Coming up to Me All the Time Because We Talk about This Often and so Say There's Nothing to Hear.

There Is Honestly This One Time. This Beautiful Russian Woman Comes up to Me and She Basic I Wish I Could Do Her Russian Accent Because It Was Beautiful but She Basically Says so You Want Me to Be a Hollywood Actor and Fake It Because There's Nothing Talk to the Listener or Even to the Young like That Says Honestly, I Don't See Anything, You Know, I Think That's Important to Kind of Backup Little Bit from the Chair Thing to Get Aaron to Say It's Not Just Popping Them up Then Went Missing around in Every Day Looking at and I Ever Met.

That's Not What He Wants and I Just That's Dumb Yeah Is a Matter of like How Can I Look at His World and His Day-To-Day Life and How Can I Be Involved in It.

Somehow We've Set Handle Times over These Days of Conversations That We Live Very Different Lives You Know He Works the Church. I Ran My Own Thing. But How Can I Still Be Forehand and Whatever He's Doing and so for That White That's like Seen Think That You Can At Least Ask about Their Day.

You Can At Least Sit down and Actually Want to Listen about Their Day and I Think That Goes a Long Way Just to Have Someone That's Interested in You When You Walk in the Door and You Have All Experienced That in the Thing Is Staying Home with Little Kids the Minute Hand Walked in the Door. I Didn't Care How His Day Was, I Just Wanted Him to Take the Children Absolute Even Having to Fight for That Hand, Having an out When I Come Home I Got beyond and Me Thinking.

When He Comes Home. I Can Just Fail Because Our Team Even Just like Investing in Those Little Things and Want to Know How Their Day Was in My Section of Chair I Tell a Story of Traveling Couple Years Ago and I Was in the National Airport Sitting at Little Table Where I Was Working so I Got My Flight and When I Travel. I like Talking to People at All like I Should Be Wanting to Just Tell Them I Really Just Want to Just Do My Work and Get Home and Sit at the Table and I'm Working and This Man Came out Any Kind of Sat across from Me Were about That Standing Table. He's Younger Than I Am Good-Looking and He Starts Talking to Me and My Trying to like Not Really Talking to Not Care Talking to the Skies like 25 Minutes Not Just Casual but like Telling Them What I Did and All the Things and I Felt so I Declared I Remember I Left That Table and I Walked to My Gate and I Did Nothing Wrong but I Laughed and I Called My Girlfriend Immediately As I Have To Tell You What Happened Is If I Don't Tell You I'm to Be Looking for That Next Time in an Airport and I Told Aaron When I Got Home and Again Nothing Happened. There Wasn't Even like It.

Conversations and for Our Jobs, but I Remember I Felt like and I Remember That Feeling and That's What Aaron Was Talking about. It's That Everyone Wants That Somewhere, and I Have No Idea What Was Going on in Our Life. I'm Sure Everything Was Just Fine, but in That Moment Said That's What I Always Remember Is Those Moments in It That Happens It's Air until the Strata Will Destroy You Guys Can All Tell Stories Where You Have Felt Cheered on and Encouraged by Someone That Wasn't Your Spouse Thing Is Important to Bring That to the Light Even Me to Because Me Telling Aaron McCoy. My Friend Amanda Was Me Going to Need Everyone to Know about This. So I Now Unaccountable That the Next Time I'm at Airport and Someone Just I Remember That Conversation so Just to Encourage Someone That Also Encourage Some of What You Said Earlier MAOIs Great Word. I'm Not Sure Which One of You Said It Is Probably a He Said No. It's like I Want to Be My Spouse's Biggest Is Nobody's Going out Cheer Me and That Means You Have To Intentionally Do All Thinkers Talk about Cesar. She's Doing See What He's Doing.

Catch Them Doing Something Because You Can Just Get Here Because You Could Be Pulled Away by Its Amendment One of My Favorite Authors Names Brennan Manning Pieces. Every Human Being Possesses the Power to Step into Somebody's Life and Place the Courage into Them to Simply Be by the Words of Affirmation, and so Many Times Were Waiting for Somebody to Become Something and Then Encourage Them or Cheer Them on. But Part of Encouraging Someone Is Placing the Courage in Them to Become the Person That They Are Going to Become All That Absolutely Parenting Yeah Yeah What He's Alive That We Do It in Our Parenting Will I Tell My Boys All the Time. I'm Proud of You. I Know They Didn't Think of That Day but I Want Them to Know I'm Proud of Them and Their Growing up to Be Great Young Man As I Can Do My Parenting All Day Long Yeah but to Do It with Your Spouse You Might Be Time to Go Minute He's Just Working All the Time.

He Just Cares about His Job Is an Overachiever, but Instead to Go. You Know What I See Something in You That's Really Good.

You Work Really Hard but That's Not like over Plotting or Just like Saying You're Awesome. There's an Element of Truth to That. It's Placing the Kurds in Them to Do That Better You Know to Say You Work Really Well. I Love That Part of You Think Your Specific in Your Place. Encourage in Them That Ultimately like a Spouse That Hears That over and over and over Again from Their Loved One What Jamie Did That to Me, That Makes My Go I Want to Be a Better Man for Because You See Something Really Great at Me I'm Not the Best Man yet, but I Want to Become a Better and Better Motivating after That Moment Emerge. And Again It Was a Long Drive Home Story You Will Feels like Boo and Again. It's a Longer Conversation a Couple Months but She Started to Cheer Me and the Reason I Did This Because I Went to God and I Was so Mad about the Whole Thing but I Got on My Knees I Said God Is That True My Day and He Said Yes You Can. And so My Prayer Was God, Show Me to Greatness in Dave Because God Sees the Greatness in All of This Fighting and so He Asked Me to Start Looking for and Then Calling out so It Gave Me New Eyes and a Week but People Just like You Are Saying and She Started Call Me a Great Man, a Great Husband and I Think One Day She Got a Ghost Cheerleader Sweater Had a Good Idea to Have Them, but I Just Remember Something Came Alive in My Soul That I Use the Same Men You Know, Come Alive When the Respect I Think Is Men and Women Know When Your Spouse or Somebody You're Running to That Place Is This, You and I Remember When I Was at Home with the Kids and You and All of Our Kids Are Teenagers and so They Go to School Every Day like It's Been Obtained, Work More, Tell Us How Will They Act 17 1515 and 13 so They Kids When I Stay Home Mom and Anyone Has Been and That She Is No It's Not Only Exhausting but It Feels Unrewarding Any Sidelight It's Groundhog Day over and over Know She Wants Jerry. They Just Demand Things from You, but I'll Never Forget This One and Year Aaron Gave Me for My Birthday and Membership to a Co-Working Space Any and a Co-Working Where I Could Go and Work for a Day. I Don't Know What We're Going to the Kids Computer and Computer and Here I Was at Home, Feeling As Though God Was Putting Adrain and Me to Do Something Different Than What I Had Done Previously to Having Kids. As a Teacher and a Coach and I Really Felt Registering Something I Had Said Something to Hand but I Mean I'm Day-To-Day Mom and He Gave That to Me and He Said I Want You to Have This Computer. I Want You to Have These Days.

It Is Co-Working Space and Figure the Kids out and I Remember Feeling like He Sees That There's More to Me Than Just Making Sandwich Lunches and Goldfish and Driving Crystal Every Day so Many Goldfish so I Just Remember Feeling so Encouraged and It Was Years Later You Guys before I Did Anything with That Computer Are the Job I Do Now You Computer It Doesn't Get Co-Working Space, but It Is an Opportunity Espouse Is to Look at Them and Say I See Something in You That Maybe You Going to See yet. So There. As You're Sharing Because It Meant so Much so Much to Me Because He Saw Me As a Stay-At-Home Mom so Often with the Lansing and I Love That Season of Staying Home and Grateful That Is a Privilege That A Lot Of Women in This World Don't Have and so I Would Never Change That for Anything but to Be Seen by Aaron When He Went Every Day to Work and I Thought Lap Must Be Nice Lunch Meeting Okay Yeah but I Don't so Seen and It Really Meant A Lot to Me and What Prompted You to Do. I Probably Did Something Wrong or Figure out Some People Believe Things about Me That I Didn't Believe about Myself and Maybe Was Always a Gift He Could Just Been a Word or Whatever and so You Know When Somebody Is That Important to You like a Spouse. I Just Wanted to Have like Eyes Open and I've Always Seen Jamie Is More Than Just like Who She Is Today Because She's Awesome and I Know Just Having Eyes Wide Open to See What All the Unique Things That Make You Who You Are.

Makes You Different Than Everybody Else in the Planet and How Can I Poor Fuel on Those Little Fires You Know It Was Really That I Say That Now Is like How Awesome I Am.

I'm Saying We've Had That Intentionality Grow in Our Marriage and We Didn't Start out That Way. But the More We Experience What It Feels like to Be Cheered on the More You Look for Opportunities to Cheer the Other Person so I Just Start with Little Baby Steps You Know Is the Stories Are Hearing. These Are Sometimes 20 Years. 10 Years into Marriage but I Think You Grow and Mature and You Develop. You Learn How to Use Muscles in a Different Way.

I Wouldn't Probably Done That the First Six Months of Her Marriage to My Encouragement Is Take One Step Forward in Seeing Something in Your Spouse Ensure Them on and That Way They Might Be a Gift Might Be a Card Maybe a Date Not Just You Going.

Here's 10 Things I Really Love about You Sweetie Yeah I Know That of Told in and She's the Best in the World That I Mean Nobody Cheers Me like This Woman You're Selling Is a Right Yeah She's Just an Amazing Cheerleader Now and I Watched Her Do with Our Boys and You Know Earlier You Said You Know Stay-At-Home Moms Need Be Cheered and Is so True but so Do Men Even Men That Have Jobs That Where We Get Cheered. You Come Home You like. Does She See You to Do.

They See This Kind of Thing so so Critical, so I Would Say the Listener Find Something Every Day. It's Actually Possible You Yesterday At Least Just a Moment in the Day and No Longer Gives Me Love Guards They're Not Love Cards or Cheer Cards Called Your Cars but You Know She Knew the Lifeguards Is like You Love Me and I Threw It Away Now.

She Writes These Things He's Seen and in Their in a Drawer and I Can Pull Everyone out. That's Because They're Affirming and They Bring Life to a Man or Woman to a Son or Daughter to a Neighbor Yeah I Know Your Neighbors. If They Saw You As the Ones That Cheered the Drama Christ Is a Woman Think That He Stay-At-Home Moms What Aaron Had to Learn to Do Was It When He Was Coming Home, However Long It Took Him to Get in the Office to Home That Was His Decompression Time Heating It to Come in Alanna Recliner for the Hour like We All Do That at Our House. You Come Home You Get to Be Dad and Husband and I Had to Learn That When Aaron Comes Home. I Actually Wanted Those First 10 Minutes They Walked in the Door to Be for Me and so the Kids Are Excited That Some Dad Some Debt so I Get Those First Minutes That Look like I Needed That Cannot Talk to Anybody All Day in the Car All Day Listening to Veggie Tales and so I Needed Those First 10 Minutes and We Work through That. Because, until Aaron Realized Yeah I'm Home Is What I Get, You Know, You Get to Come in and Decompress. And for Me I Didn't Get to Just Stay in the Kitchen and Wave at Him When He Walked in and We Needed to Have a Moment, Because If You Got Little Kids You Don't Get That Again till 9:30 AM so I Think That Was Really Good and We Had Little Kids Was to Decide When You Walk in the Door. We Need 10 Minutes Yeah That's Either Just Tell Me How Your Day Was or How Yesterday Are Less Hot Kiss. Whatever Looks like the TV on Some Cheerios That Are Me in Kitchen for 10 Minutes, yet Is Now Time for Each Other Not Intention Never Happened yet. Think about It and It's Good to Mean People Can Think about Our Kids. Yes, Now I Need Is They Need All, Marriage Is a Priority Is Important You Just Modeled Complement That's Right Because You Spoke the Truth and You Heard in Complement, It Will Yeah I Know You Know That but I Was Just like That You Think Is Less As We Think. I Don't Want to Share Something That's Hurtful. That's Not Cheering but No Sometimes Is Truth in Love Package. Well, Leads to a Beautiful Complement.

I Was Right. Marriage We Been Listing to the Cheer Squad, David and Wilson Talking with Erin and Jamie. I View about the. The Importance of Being Cheerleaders for One Another. You Talked about Doing and Being Negative and Some People Said Why Don't Do That Silence a Minute. Imagine Playing Sports Game Players Have Had to Deal with This Link to Go into Arenas Today and There's Nobody Cheering for Them and That Feels like a Blue When Were Silent with You and Can You Imagine If There Were Fans Sitting There and Not Say Anything.

It's like Your Spouse Sitting There and There's No, It Feels like a Very Loud Boom. You Heard about This.

This Is Something That Happens at Taylor University. Although You Hold You This Year They Have a Basketball Game Where for the First. I Think It's until Their Team Gets to 10 Points. The Fans All Show up and Are Completely Silent.

And at First It Freaked the Other Team out Completely and Then Everybody's Going to Prep for Now, but When They Get the Point. 10 Place Erupts with Raucous like That Won the Super Bowl Kind of Thing. What yet That Silent Arena When That's True in Your Marriage When You're Not Speaking Proactively. Words of Encouragement and Edification Makes a Huge Difference Think It Team Motivates Us and We Stopped Trying His Heart and Tell You Guys, One More Thing. When Your Wife Comes out and She Says How Do I Look and You. You Can Either Say Nothing or Even Fine. That Right There Is a Bad Thing. You Might As Well Be so Stunning Is the Appropriate Rate but You Don't Lie, but I'm Just Saying for Talking to Me Is His Will Is Helping Your Conversation Has Helped Blisters and We Hope Our Listeners Will Give a Copy of the Books That Erin Treated Me Have Written the Lesser Books Because They Take on the Same Subject the Same Chapters and Aaron Has Written a Book for Husbands and Jamie Has Written a Book for Wives Become Package Together.

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