Neighboring

You think of yourself as a good neighbor, Chris and Elizabeth McKinney say over time the definition of what that means has changed.

So the Harvard school of medicine did a really interesting study about 10 years ago were they found a survey that they had done in the 50s or 60s about what it meant to be a good neighbor to be a good neighbor means you know your next-door neighbor. You can introduce new neighbors to the current neighbors you can rely on your next-door neighbors for help, maybe bring up time when the new neighbors and so then 10 years ago they sent out the same survey the responses they got back were basically to be a good neighbor in our culture today is to basically leave people alone. This is family life today hosts are David and Wilson about the pain. You can find us online@familylifetoday.com about that Chris and Elizabeth McKinney join us today to talk about the purpose for being where you are for being a good neighbor in our culture today.

Stay with us and welcome to family life to the thanks for joining us. I'm just curious. Would you if I gave you a sheet of paper and ask you to write down the name does know where you're going to write down the names of 10 of the people who live on your street can include kids. Now I got the names of the mamas and the dads we were in a cul-de-sac to lose only two other houses flourished for select clearly into theirs and say there's David and there's gotten Tina. That's it. That's the cul-de-sac that Artie got sick.

Things are I do about you is there's another Nick, can you I cannot. In fact I know I mean I know the people on this side and all the people on the other side there's not a whole lot interaction.

We did go to the neighborhood block party we had out in the street about six, seven months ago and visited with all the neighbors and we had nice cordial conversation we waive as we go by what I see their kids and slow down for their kids but we live in this hermetically sealed off culture. Okay, here's a question. Do you know the neighbors growing up on the streets all absolutely sound lacking name 20 and and my parents.

We did stuff together and that they would.

So does the younger nice his kids in your mean is adult is when you have seen that there is a cultural shift that I think we live in you, and and I think we gotta figure out how we encounter cultural sale. We need to we need to talk to somebody about that buddy and I think they're sitting in our studio you Chris and Elizabeth McKinney right about being a great neighbor the title of your book is placed for a purpose is really all about being a good neighbor.

Welcome to family life today.

Thank you all going to be here.

Yeah, we are on crew staff. We are yes crew what what's called crew city yeah city for 20 years through city so city is a city focus so we to campus ministry within crew for 17 years and that was clearly a college student focus but then we transition to crew city where we get to have more of a broad city focus and there's different ways that city tries to reach out to the cities you guys live in Missouri in the Columbia Missouri area was you were born at University Missouri is and you were telling us Chris that crew was kind of all you've ever known since you were a kid.

That's right yeah staff can proud staff kids are group on staff. My parents were to Kansas State University there dated campus staff over there and then in 1990 when I was 10 years old have a daughter actually was 10, so I look to her the other day is like ginger.

How would you feel if I told you right now we're moving to Budapest, Hungary. That's how old I was when my parents moved us overseas to Budapest, Hungary to be missionaries to college students over there so yeah so it's it's it's cool that II they they did a great job of of keeping us involved in the ministry and keeping us apart of it so college students were just in our home constantly and I said this great experience with college students who love Jesus and want to follow Jesus and so that drew me to want to continue to be on staff like my parents as well is actually good to hear somebody say I was raised in a missionary family and it was a really really good experience.

You often hear a lot of you yeah yeah so would your daughter want to go to Budapest mission.

You know she see that she was like no that's okay, I'll pass on your book is about and I love one of the lines in your book that really was such a unique way to say this and I think it sets up what the books about and what is working talk that today is your address is not an accident and neither is your neighbors. I've never thought of it that way but explain what does that mean while we've seen personally how God has sovereignly placed tests are our exact house are exact lot and sovereignly placed the neighbors beside us and just through our relationships with our neighbors and seeing our lives being retched.

I think we got into neighboring in the most stressful season of our lives.

Chris was directing the ministry at Mazzeo and he was also commuting to seminary on overnight air time.

I was and and you had and I had four kids in five years for little girls and so I was drowning in diapers. I was a young man and I needed my neighbors I needed to have people write around me, not 10 or 15 minutes away, even where the college campus wise I needed people right now you know in real time can be hard because were living in a day and age where people pull into their garages close the garage door and sometimes especially in the winter if you're in a cold climate. You don't even see them till the spring. So how in the world.

If you need them. Did you find well for us.

It started with the fish fry we we like food were kind of foodies in that way, and one of our neighbors. He had a bunch of fires bingo he used to play basketball. He's a big guy. He's the only person my husband ever around him makes him feel small and and bingo had all these fryers he said let's let's find out something sure it is names bingo bingo bingo really is now bingo. He brought over a bunch of flyers that we made a bunch of sauces and just really for the people right in our little cul-de-sac area was just a few families and it was it was small it was. It was a lot of fun and like I said we weren't looking for more to add to our plate. We were looking for more ministry to do we just had the sense of our lives would be enriched by getting to know our neighbors. And that's exactly what happened.

You had your own needs. Yes, we have a lot of needs.

We still have a lot though because he didn't have an agenda like when my neighbors are Jesus, it was more of I want to know my neighbors love them and I need help to right side of the development in the fish fry happens. Did you end up connecting with a couple of them over or vice versa, or me word, as it were to go from there. So from there that spring we had a little Easter egg hunt and we had about six kids what you know we had for so that tells you anything. It was very humble beginnings but at that Easter egg kind a couple came named Nathan and Kathy and they said to us afterwards. Hey, if you'd ever want to do a few things for the neighborhood. Let us know we can help and we and we looked at him and said like one and they were. They said no like a block party or something like that and and so we did. We do together little block party people you bring the tablecloths. You bring the trashbags you know you bring the whatever and and it was very potluck style and and from there we found that our neighbors were just as hungry for community as we were and on and really it started to explode when you say yeah I mean you people just started coming to these events.

We really saw it like the events were the excuse to get to know our neighbors and so in a neighborhood. The didn't have hardly any community at all. When we moved in these events gave us six an excuse to have people over to our you know but we do the block party in our cul-de-sac or like at Halloween our first Halloween in the neighborhood we come out dressed up, you know, ready to do it and there was nobody trick-or-treating in our neighborhood and it was like a ghost town literally like, pun intended. Nobody was around.

And so we left to go to a different neighborhood but then you two or three years after we started to get to know these neighbors to these events. We said this isn't right. Let's let's tackle Halloween and again gave us an excuse to get to know people to connect neighbors to host the station where they get to know each other like a hot dog station or hot chocolate station ends and in it, just it exploded. People were just having so much fun and were just so excited to be getting to know their neighbors in the social fabric of our neighborhood was just it just was so strengthened during during those years and so that was going. We're doing campus ministry and do all these things and having spiritual conversations with neighbors as we interacted with them, but it wasn't didn't see it as this like ministry you know actually thank you, saying the book is neighboring is a part of God's redemptive story blaming the yes so we can this kinda touches back to what you guys are saying about how you may be growing up you you knew the neighbors around you. So the Harvard school of medicine did a really interesting study about 10 years ago were they found some surveys from a social survey that they had done in the 50s or 60s about what it meant to be a good neighbor, so they looked at the data and basically the responses back where what you guys were talking about maybe and had experience was you knew your next turn to be a good neighbor means you know your next-door neighbor. You can introduce new neighbors to the current neighbors you can rely on your next-door neighbors for help, maybe bring up high when the new neighbors and you invite them to the activities that you have going on in your life.

So then they didn't. About 10 years ago to set up the same survey is that what is a mean to be a good neighbor, the responses they got back were basically to be a good neighbor in our culture today is to basically leave people alone.

So you take out your trash and you smile and wave, but that's about it music down the music down. Don't get too involved in your neighbors life because that's what it means to be a good neighbor in so if you're you know if you're living in our culture that's whether you know it or not that's what your definition of is of being a good neighbor is even as a believer is a we say to be a good neighbor. We need to break out of that countercultural note narrative and story and live out of God's story of redemption, which is demonstrated by Jesus coming to us.

It's this movement towards us towards others to believe that your address is in an accident that you been place for a purpose and God is working in your neighborhood and he wants to use you in that neighborhood so you can see the different how to show up in your neighborhood can be a lot different if you're living out of God's story of redemption versus the cultural story of what it means to be a good neighbor. You guys are intentional.

Your living life on mission. I mean your part of crew staff so this is what you do.

This is what you've given your lives to so it's hard to kind of bifurcate. This is life, and this is a ministry they all fit together, but you said you started this because you really want to get to know your neighbors at the same time in the back your mind, had to be an it might lead to spiritual conversations.

How do you keep the lead neighboring priority in the ministry objective improper tension because some people are like you were say man is like this is our project and our goal is to win our neighbor to Christ will really care but could but know we just one window. Jesus help you process that we talk about motives in neighboring and it's been helpful for us to have ultimate motive, so we we can't in our book we contrast ultimate versus ulterior motives.

So with ultimate motives we have this ultimate motive that our neighbors would come to know God in and through a relationship with Jesus.

That is, that is the goal, and so we don't live as undercover Christians in our neighborhood we live out our faith. We serve we love.

We invest in friendships with that ultimate goal and what that does is it frees us up to enjoy every part of the process in every part of those relationships we have ulterior motives. There is a, sneakiness to what you're trying to do so, any act of love, service, or neighboring is done with the express kind of intention of getting in a church invite or or trying to talk about your faith and it doesn't really count in less and less that happens. And so for ever talk to anybody and they said I don't want to feel like a project what's probably because they've interacted with somebody who's had ulterior motives with them and so having that ultimate motive has really freed us up to enjoy every aspect of neighboring and getting to know our neighbors. There's kind of that bait and switch elements when you have ulterior motives, hand it in a way you only care about the spiritual aspect of their lives versus I think when you have ultimate motives and of course you like.

Like Chris said you want them to know Jesus but you're also caring about the whole thing.

You're caring about the good of the neighborhood you're caring about their aging parents. You're caring about their their experience of parenting or grad school or whenever it is so people are there aware if there's kind of that bait and switch coming we may be even we experience kind of that on that.

On the other end of being the project. No one wants to feel like that people want to be in mutual relationships and I think I think when you live out of ultimate motives. If you aren't having ulterior motives in your neighbors see that you would do want them to know Jesus there okay with that because they know you do care about the whole thing yet. I just wondered if if your neighbor have you been getting to know for months or whatever doesn't end fallen on her knees in her front regarding get baptized in your way. If you feel like a failure. Do you ever feel like well all we did was become a good neighbor. They didn't take another spiritual step. Are you still good with that. I think for a long time. We wondered as things were kinda getting rolling and we were watching God work like where's the subtle complaint is it is it okay to to just have someone over for dinner and if the conversation doesn't go to church or to something that's more overtly spiritual. Is that all right or like Chris shares about singing Cotton candy for hours like is that valuable and I think for us a turning point was one Sunday we we walked into church and there was a family that if if we made a list of a lot of neighbors, but we know quite a few on these would have been probably the last people we would've expected to see at church on we knew them from the black parties, many of them from from the different events and it was, like I had turned like now. Oh my goodness and and as as we watch and I couldn't focus on the worship music I can focus on the message so I got into Facebook and message her in the life and said, like you come here often heretofore and she she wrote me back immediately.

She's probably in her car and she said you know we we started coming to church for our kids because they told us that they didn't believe in God and in the process. We've found him ourselves and basically are you in a small group, and if so can we join and it was like yes yes yes and so the next Sunday.

They walked through their backyard through our backyard and they had instant community and that was that was about four years ago and they're still in our small group and it was one of those times are we thought okay this is this is significant, we can see how here's the couple who, when they were ready to give their lives to Christ.

They had instant community.

They knew exactly who the Christians were and on and so that was when we started thinking, okay, maybe these small ordinary acts of singing cotton candy or the real measure that is over time call neighboring neighboring as it is more like a crockpot and less like a microwave it's low and slow and so we've been building relationships with this family for two or three years.

Always neighboring activities in God showed up and worked so zoom back and give us the big vision which is again back to that line. Your address is not an accident. So how is it that you can sit back and say God is providentially placing us some is in the title of your book for a purpose. What's that look like is that sort or start of gotta have an understanding that this is a random. This isn't even when I met a realtor and I ended up in this apartment is somehow your believing that God didn't. This was an accident, self talk, but that yes so as we were thinking more about this if you go back to Deuteronomy.

For me this is even just a theme throughout Scripture I think is God placing people for a purpose and so you look at Deuteronomy for you know the nation of Israel getting ready to move into the promised land and in Moses is saying hey you know God is giving you these laws and and a large part to govern how you're going to treat each other when you move into this land, and when when I place you in the land the way you treat each other is going to reflect you know God's love, mercy, justice and grace to the nations so the nations come and come through your land there to look at how your training each other and say what kind of God would would bless this people with this kind of law you know this must be an amazing God.

So even with the neighbors. Israel's neighbors are going to see this. And so even for the nation of Israel. They work, they were placed in the land just to sit back and relax. We were home.

We can just pull up in the honey to pull in the driveway and close the garage door because were here. This is get this at the end of the story. It's like no that was the just the beginning of the story. If you go to the New Testament. This is a passage it's really informed our view on this as well as when in an axon.

17. When Paul talks he's in Athens and he talks about how God is laid out the boundary markers for us where we will live in the time that we will spend on this earth, and in so were like okay God places Israel for a purpose to reflect his character. Paul is bringing that theme and he saying everyone is place where they are. For this purpose is like will what if that's what's happened with us in our neighborhood. What if God has placed us in our neighborhood with not as in the end of the story, but just the beginning as a way to reflect his character to those around us his love, his kindness is justice's mercy and peace. And if we say okay that's the reason why were living in this house will then it's not a to be an accident that our neighbors, who is put in our in our neighborhood that's on an accident either. He's placed them for reason because he's working in their life and so if you begin to live that way and think that way. It totally changes the way you view your neighborhood and your neighbors and yourself and the role that God wants you to have in your neighborhood. That's a beautiful perspective and then it's a larger vision now convicting this essay writing because here is what happens.

We get busy you are and ministry were discipling these other people, and here's what I can think honestly here's how my neighbors terribly config, but I think it's something we really all need to think about well and I can also say just to bring some comfort. Neighboring is also the most selfish ministry there is no trust me what he says he couldn't believe in retching and we get so much more out of this that our neighbors do trust me, we are we are the beneficiaries of so much from from our neighbors and they help when you think about the phrase, it takes a village. Our neighbors help raise our kids when I was talking about being a young mom and needing my neighbors. I could not have made it through that season without my neighbors. Now I'm older and my kids are gone because I relate to that.

And so now it's it has to be more intentional night heart you know where we started. As you know Bob was talking about the differences in the generations how we were short in the Joe's backyard and today were not. But I don't think the DNA of the human souls any different note, even though our neighbors garage doors may go down in the hibernate and I'm not saying they we do to stay still long for community and so Barbies inspired to say, even to our listeners to myself is we should become the event planners for neighborhood like you guys you guys are the event planners are creating opportunities to get neighbors together it's it's it's sort of like that's what we should be holding to that some of the best neighbors in our neighborhood are empty-nesters on how you want on Halloween. Well, thanks for conveying a shell and I can't serve in some of the same ways that they can because they don't have little ones pulling them around a minute.

Some of the black parties they'll show up and hold my babies or their cleaning up after words or hosting station so their rent in the neighborhood watch programs just for young families. But I'm saying that all of this because I'm guessing there's a listener to write Nelson Halloween we don't do Halloween. That's a pagan holiday. We stay away and I would say this if you want to reach your neighbors put on a fun costume and walk up to a front door is you're going to meet your neighbors. Use Halloween as an opportunity to shine in it and because it's it's an opportunity.

People can come to your door. Your regular door. It's a way to meet your neighbors run from you that we can respect listener who holds that convection fire for us.

It really has been in some ways it's kind of our baby. It was that major turning point of when we saw our neighborhood, life, the things we had done before that everything changed when we went all in on Halloween in our relationships exponentially grill. It was like oh the McKinney's really care about this place it there really was a sense of something, switch something, something happened. When they saw us as believers really get behind hello and for the lister who is thinking okay yeah but you guys, this is what you do your your missionary staff with crew so I got a full-time job. I got other things that I'm doing that's good you guys keep doing that, but I don't have space in my life. I think we've heard you say there are empty-nesters their other parents. This is not just something you do you help catalyze it, but all the neighbors are in on this and any listener can get a copy of your book placed for purpose and catch a vision for this, not just a vision. But you guys, you map out a strategy for how we can engage with our neighbors, ultimately keeping a kingdom mindset in the midst of that Chris Elizabeth's book is called placed for a purpose, a simple and sustainable vision for loving your next-door neighbors. You can order the book from someone@familylifetoday.com or you can call one 800 FL today to get a copy of the McKinney's book again. It's called placed for a purpose family life to the.com to order, or call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today. You know the study is a significant day for all of us who are followers of Christ.

This is the day when we pause to remember that the last supper the Passover meal that Jesus had with his disciples on the day before he was crucified. As we head into this weekend and think about the death and resurrection of Christ. I want all of your family like today listers to know what we celebrate this weekend is at the heart of everything we do here at family life, our mission to effectively develop godly marriages and families underneath that mission is an understanding that the only way you can effectively develop godliness in your marriage and in your family. It is with the focus on the gospel and understanding that the death and resurrection of Christ is the central event in all of human history and the implications of the cross and the resurrection are forgiveness our new life in Christ are living now for eternity that reshapes everything about us reshapes our marriages and our families here at family life. The gospel commitment is really at the heart of everything that we do and so as you prepare to meditate on the death of Christ this weekend to celebrate his resurrection this weekend. I just wanted to remind you that this is the heart of all that we do here at family life. Thank you for your support of this ministry year in and year out. We are so grateful that you join us that you listen to say this if you don't know Christ.

If you don't have a relationship with God through Jesus.

I will point you to our website. Family life to.com. There's a link there that talks about two ways to live don't head into this weekend into the Easter weekend without pausing to consider your relationship with Jesus and all that he has done for us at the cross again. Go to family life today.com and click on the link that says two ways to live to find out more about what it means to have a relationship with God through Christ and we hope you can join us again tomorrow as we continue talking about what it means to love your neighbor Chris was getting back with us you can be here as well. Think our engineer today.

Keith Lynch got some extra help from Bruce golf course our entire broadcast teams involved on behalf of our host Steven and Wilson unpopular pain.

See back next time for another edition of family life, family life, to use a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas.

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