Where We Find Happiness

There are two things that can be simultaneously true marriage is a great delight for husbands and wives, and marriage is hard work for husbands and wives here. Stir woodgrain one of things I tell young couples before they get married is pay more for premarital counseling spend more money on that on the wedding to wedding is a data marriage is a lifetime. And so we bring to the marriage.

Our past hurts like we bring this invisible suitcase that becomes visible over time and as you know the first four years that your love, your high God gets is high. All these chemicals that make us feel good.

That's what we get married because we were sober we would never get married because we be like girl, you kind of policy you have said so. But when the highness wears off. That's when you begin the real work of learning to put down your preferences and picking up your cross. This is family life today. Our hosts are David and Wilson on Bob Payne combined the sum on the family life today.com having a successful marriage. A marriage that thrives when there's a mindset involved in that talk about what that mindset is today with your woodgrain stay with us and welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us. So I thought maybe you know now that the game is over, over, I thought maybe we could do this and not talk about football but then I realized that when you get back when you get Dave and we are one in the same room together football to come up somehow.

Don't you ever that's just the fact right. I think I gave us football as an analogy, how to do life. That's what it's about.

Yeah because I was reading. We know that I was reading the ancient Egyptian texts of Genesis is an all day seventh when God created Adam and created out of the steps that he created at a time to be a live library. This this is our friend or windbreak is a good family life today. Thanks for having me Darwin is the pastor of transformation church in Charlotte North Carolina. Six years in the NFL. A standout college player at BYU before that and we should just say so. We clear it up you you said this already this week, but you are a non-Mormon claimant BYU was yeah I was and still continue to be a non-Mormon. What I will say in God's sovereign love allowing me to go to BYU was on the best experiences of my life because one I had to learn how to adjust and to adapt to people and cultures that are vastly different than mine. So now I see the fingerprints of God because our church transformation church is a multiethnic multigenerational church and so is up as a pastor when I am preaching and teaching and leading I'm always thinking about the other, I'm always thinking about how to include others at the table of God.

And so, like Paul says in first Corinthians 922 through 23 become all things to all men, the one we know Christ is, it is allowed me to appreciate people's differences and to invite them to the tape I follow you on twitter so I know you love the cougars you still watch their games everywhere. I do. I do yeah BYU the old like I said, I like a said the other day is the older you get, the more appreciative you are of your experiences and that man when I go back to BYU. I am like a rock star.

So if my self-esteem is ever loan you. I heard hurts about you running on the field back at BYU yes so well, you know, it went great.

Are you kidding me, I was asked to run out the flag with the team and I told mama wife I said vague look, I'm going to be the first one out on the field with flag unity to fast ahead of the time. Good to be ahead of the team.

I said I am going to pull my hamstring so just know it's going to go and man. When I heard the crowd cheering just threw me back in time and I thought they was cheering for me. He drank his adrenaline kicked in and before I knew it I passed the players. I passed the team mascot. Cosmo pass Cosmo when I pass Cosmo my hamstring said no just it just strengths well when you're 40 I was 48 at the time and there was enough strength to help my hamstring was like really girly like. But it was a worthy pop of Mohammed and that's what we ask you to join us because you just written a book called the good life which is about what Jesus teaches in Matthew five the sermon on the Mount about where happiness is found where satisfaction for your soul is found. It's the Beatitudes that begin that sermon and and as I looked at your book, I thought, you know, the antithesis to what you're talking about. Jesus is talking about here is the whole issue of pride, our pride is what keeps us from the good life is none yeah you you know, let me let me take a step back and so even the title and the cover of the book so that the cover of the book is yellow right at me, that's that. That speaks life. Even the title of the good life the subtitle. What Jesus teaches about finding true happiness that was intentional like I love to fish my Sabbath days I go on fish I catch baskets crop you catch catfish. I use the lure will that title was the Lord to catch people because as Americans. Not only do we want the good life. We are believe we are entitled to the good life. But the good life that Jesus is offering us is not about good things perpetually happening to us.

It's actually about Jesus making us good for the world.

Here's a question that I asked our church. If all of your prayers came true, how much more holy.

Would your life be low is a good question because often times our prayers are like going to thanks giving dinner with Jesus. We walk in with dirty shoes we get to the table we see the table is filled with food and we stuff our faces. And the only time we look up to speak to him as the say is there any more gravy. And when were done we get up and will even say hey Christmas is coming and I'm a need you to do some things for me, so often times our prayers are more like a superstitious wish list that we give to a butler instead of a king that we give allegiance to, and so the good life is a life in which God makes us good for the world. And when you look at Matthew chapter 5 Jesus beautifully walks through these eight characteristics from Matthew 53 through 12 of what a happy life is, and then he says this in Matthew 513 and 14 and then going in the 16 you are the salt and light.

Let your light so shine that it glorifies your father in heaven will the life that God use this to shine the life that God uses to be salt the life that God uses the change the world is the good life.

It's a life of holiness that our happiness is no longer contingent upon Paychex is no longer contingent upon circumstances. It's contingent upon blood across an empty tomb. You can get to know Jesus more through reading this book you may approach it would one expectation in mind.

But Jesus wants to transform your mind and go know the good life you're looking for is found in this happy are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons and daughters of God, but it starts with Bob.

Like you pointed out, it starts with this thing called pride.

Now most people understand pride as will look how great I am, I can do it myself. But there's also a more subtle understanding of pride. That's this I'm not worthy. How could God love me he can forgive other people, but he can forgive me where my that he would use me so so. Notice what takes place here is only one side of pride it's look how great I am on the other side of pride is. Look how bad I am in both of those sides miss the grace of the great I am naturally interesting because unlike a lot of people to say whoa whoa whoa I'm struggling with unworthiness or shame, and I'm kind of I'm just lost connecting years, saying that could eat a sense of pride yeah because in. Here's what if you follow Jesus. He said these words to tell us.it is finished that once you've taken a blood bath in the grace of Jesus your status has forever changed your status is now Jesus's status. What's true about Jesus is true about you that Jesus is past behavior absorbs your behavior and your United to him.

So everything that God the father believes about Jesus. He actually now believes about you as though it's true. Why because Jesus lived a sinless life, we could never live Jesus died the death we should died on the cross, Jesus rose again defeating sin, death and evil, to unite our lives with his life and even as I listen to myself talk that is absolutely unfair. That's why it's called grace.

Grace not only brings you into the family of God, but grace keeps and sustains you and the family of God.

I think a lot of us, maybe it's pride almost laugh at that. Honestly and think and you and I grew up thinking okay if you're Christian and you believe the stuff there when you just said that's not the good life. I now want that that's that's good having to say but the good life. We start the book is like when you're chasing after happiness through me. I used to call it when I preach on this. I got the theology of it and I think we all have this theology of it when I get it.

Then I'll be happy if it starts when you're a little kid. I mean I'm I'm guess we all have stories.

I remember Christmas when I was six years old say to my mom I wanted a stingray bike has never stingray tied to the race to mulattos asleep, you know, and I wanted that thing and I get that in a Mike will you can literally go through your life. Thinking the good life.

I member then it was Meg's sin that you don't know make sin, but she lived across the street. Her dad was a doctor and when I was 10 years old. She was the hottest thing ever saw my life if I could date med make sin. Stan Hunter Hutto wait wait day we we we need today.

We need to talk about the 10 years old and you think you like that dating means going to order house and having chocolate milk and cookie and though I know that she was so glad let me use my printer voice, but I want to.

That God said no to me and brought to this blonde woman writes yeah you your life and we all have it destroyed then becomes, I want to be the starting point guard in middle school and I got that it was knitting a high school quarterback. I can remember when in college because I was an amazing college. Greg went in the back championship.

That's big time United BYU. I was big time. Both states like remember the northern Illinois thrown the winning touchdown in the shower with the water coming over my flowing locks of hair that I used to have. This is after the game I can remember it had to be an hour after the game with my head under the shower. Just this sense. This feeling of that's it.

You know that was. I thought the good life and you said it already. It's like it became an idol and when it did I member looking at hand when were Dayton thinking if I marry her. I'll be so happy in a warrant, and then we got married I write it on that I have is that they want to get back as I think we all feel this is like when you look at what you just said about the Beatitudes and real happiness is following God, you almost go is it.

But here's the thing, nothing else is worry as though it has to be something else, and you've nailed it. That is the happy good life but help us understand now that really is fulfilling the DNA of our our liner so that you don't let me let me add this to be because I think it's important that let's let's see if we could supernaturally go back in time where you had your long locks like five Io and if Jesus was forming the Beatitudes in you after you will and that Mac championship.

It would've been a different sensation you would've been grateful to God.

You'd been thankful to him like you would've appreciate winning more because you wouldn't of been a shadow. You would've been the real thing.

I think it was CS Lewis who said that there were in essence shadows were not solid. Will the Beatitudes make us solid. So what I want to say is Christian men Christian women Christian teenagers or whoever you are, go for it for the glory of God and be phenomenal Bob earlier yesterday when we were eating and you were praying like that voicemail like you have a voice for radio and deathly not a phase.

The idea is for sure, but but it's like we should be the best we can be in God's strength for God's glory, and so accomplishing things are wonderful if it's for his glory. And he's formed us to the people that he wants us to be in the second part.

Your question is this is like you.

You have to jump into the water and see if this is true so years ago my wife and I were on vacation somewhere in the Caribbean. She's very aquatic I am not so much aquatic okay if there's more water in the Jacuzzi door when a good minute anyway she wouldn't do. She what what is it was snorkeling she was snorkel black people snorkel, but she was snorkeling.

Anyway, she was snorkeling and she'd come on go. It's beautiful.

It's incredible.

And for years, unlike that's good honey should I know you have to see it so want one day because I are how do it.

So I jumped in the water tried to swim mess the blow bit some some Caribbean boys were like look at you man with all those muscles and can't even swim consciously eventually snorkeling thing out and lo and behold I was like oh this is better than she described I was like this is looking at life from a whole new reality I want to get out her water. When I came out I was like, will how did I miss out on this for so long will Jesus when he invites us into his kingdom when he invites us into the good life to the Beatitudes. He said I want you to jump into the water so you can see how beautiful life can really be. And a lot of times, particularly for us as Americans were very pragmatic and we want like what's to how to step in. Jesus is gone. I just want you to dance to the rhythm of my grace. Let let me love you spend spend time reading the book spent spent time praying, spend time talking to friends and I want to give you plenty of opportunity to be humble in spirit because that person at work that you don't like, you can have an opportunity to instead of cast back vile speech you love your enemy because Jesus says so you can live peaceably towards them. So it's not so much about how to. It's about dancing to the rhythm of God's grace because good life isn't always the easy life of goodness talk about that, like EOP is snorkeling you open your eyes.

This whole new world and it's not always easy know it all gosh, well, there is a chapter that I wrote called Blessed are the peacemakers are happy are the peacemakers and open up that chapter with the beating of Rodney King in 1992 some of the listeners may not remember this but in 1992 man by the name of Rodney King in Los Angeles had took police on a high-speed chase and police beat them with batons and someone was filming at this is before we had smartphones and from many of us in the black community. It was like. Finally, people will see that this type of police brutality is true. Now let me affirm, do we love policeman do I love policeman yes I pastor. Many of them and pray for them and love that we get awards a transformation church for our work with the police department one can be for police and for police reform simultaneously and for those of us who are theologically mind at the idea of total depravity doesn't skip the police department just like there's bad pastors. There are unhealthy bad police officers who in enforce police brutality. So anyway I write, Blessed are the peacemakers and I describe that experience and lo and behold in America were still having these types of issues were having the the racial divide. Someone writing this chapter about how to be a peacemaker across ethnic and cultural lines. How do you love people who despise your existence will the way you love people who'd expired your existence is to keep your eyes on Jesus, who gave you an eternal existence and who says love your enemies, I'm not gonna persuade you by giving evil for evil only way I can try to persuade you is to love you. And besides, listen if I love you with the love of Jesus, it may not stop you from hating me, but it will stop me from hating you. And so I life open. This theology of ethnic wreck in ciliates and for God's people to be able to walk through so that the genes Z and the younger generations can say these Christians in America would not stand by and allow the dark forces of racism to continue there going to be salt and light that's the good life. So yeah that's that's tough that's that's really hard but nowhere in the Bible does Jesus go ahead Bilo enemy real easy today.

Right. Matter fact he said this in John 1633 in his world you have trouble. But take courage because I have overcome the world. He overcame the world by breaking the shackles of sin and death and evil, no one can make me not act like a Christian. I can only give them the power to do so. As we walked back to the humility part.

Talk about what being humble, how it plays out a marriage… Wow yeah you know, one of the most incredible gifts of being married is God reveals to you how selfish you are, that is been what an incredible gifts as you see how to set that he sound like a gift to have a mirror held up the look at this, look how selfish you will in any discovered that in your own or did Vicki kinda point that I don't think even think he's really good at pointing that out. That was yes she she she she was really good at pointing that out for sure cc but my pride was the more dangerous kind of pride. My pride was a proud miss in my humility and I think that's actually more dangerous than the loudmouthed jerk. I think the person will humble where you treating me this way. The very fact like if you have to say your humble you're not, or if you take pride in your humility at your you not but let's talk about selfishness and I want to look at it from this perspective, my whole life. Dave I had been taught this if people got close to me they could hurt me so therefrom.

Not gonna let you get close to me to hurt me if anybody's got hurt girl and gray is going to be durable and gray and so I brought that into marriage.

One of things that I tell young couples before they get married.

Is this pay more for marriage counseling than the wedding premarital counseling spend more money on that on the wedding.

The wedding is a data marriage is a lifetime.

And so we bring to the marriage.

Our past hurts like we bring this invisible suitcase that becomes visible over time and as you know the first four years that your love, your high God gets is high. All these chemicals that make us feel good.

That's what we get married because of we were sober we would never get married because we be like paying girl you, bossy and he said so. But when the highness wears off.

That's when you begin the real work of learning to put down your preferences and picking up your crosses and so the humility part was this is about 10 years in all. Gosh 10 years in. It really hit hit us like wow okay were like glorified roommates, but there's so much more that God wants to do and humility is God strips you of everything that you think you are a begins to reconstruct you and so there are various things that we went through from dealing with the pain and trauma of our past.

Vicki went through cancer in 2004 when she was pregnant. She went through was called hyper Mrs. gravid. There was a Latin word for throw up all day every day and so I'm thinking to myself how in the world cannot be prideful towards her when she's literally feels like she has the flu for nine months with our last child, Jeremiah.

We had a miscarriage in between with Jeremiah that she actually slipped into clinical depression, and before then. You know I was a typical guy actually will just drink some Gatorade. No clinical depression is not drink some Gatorade and became serious when she looked at me and said I don't want to live and when we were at her doctor to doctor close the door and there was a list on the door that said, you're depressed if in all 10 of those characteristics depression. We went yes yes yes yes yes so a part of my humbling was watching her strength to bring our children into the world. Watching her strength walk through cancer with incredible faith.

One night no one ever tells you this but when you're diagnosed with cancer. The first night you you you just can't sleep and I remember as being in the bed and were both sniffling and crime and she just quoted a Scripture and then I quoted a Scripture.

Then she quoted a Scripture than I quoted a Scripture. And before you know it we were literally playing scriptural tennis going back and forth in our tears of fear turned in the tears of hope.

Tears of joy and so a part of my humbling was watching the way she walks with Jesus, like the woman knows Jesus like I am a better man because of her and I think about Jesus statement. Blessed are the poor in spirit, and I think we can tend to have this idea that means we must think that we are terrible people. I think what it means is we must acknowledge the reality of the condition that were in because most of us think were better than we are so poor in spirit is to say, I'm not as good as I think I am an and you mentioned this to when you said it, there can be this other kind of pride. That's all I'm a terrible person. The reality of your spiritual condition is to acknowledge two things simultaneously. I am created in the image of God. I have value worth and dignity as a result of that, and I am riddled with sin, that keeps me separated from the God who created yes. So the way I like to say it is that grace humbles us without deflating us and exalts us without moving us to the place of thinking that were greater than got it there. There's a song we sing at church from time to time that has the line and the two wonders here do I confess my worth and my unworthiness and and those are simultaneously true. We we have worth and we are unworthy, and when we recognize that reality were finally the place where we can go now I see what I really need and an end to to be poor in spirit is Jesus, and happy are those who are God reliant that every breath you take is a gift of God in whom we even take breathing oxygen for grant we take for granted that the sun is gonna rise no were not entitled to any of those things and so being poor in spirit is pure gift is pure grace it's it's it's got thank you that I can even say thank you to it.

It's the idea that we are spiritually bankrupt and if we think to ourselves and our air is rare. What is it say what happiness manifesto. Yeah, I mean you ended the book with this and you even said hey maybe put this on your wall, your bedroom door and say that I thought this captures think you should read.

You can make you really did not want unity wrote it, your court evaluated man says I blank say put your name and I Dave declare that all I would ever hope to be is found in all of who Jesus is. My life is hidden in his life, his life is my life is a gift of grace. Jesus lived a sinless life because I couldn't in his unending mercy. Jesus died the death that I should have, to atone for my sin. Today I am free from the power of sin and death.

Because of his great love for me. I am holy and blameless, righteous adopted child of God I am pleasing to the father because I am in his beloved son. The happiness that I see can never be satisfied by created things, the happiness I was created to experience is not found in happenings. True happiness is more about God making me good then good things happening to me today I declare that I choose happiness because I choose Jesus his kingdom and his glory. Today I declare that I will choose the ways of his kingdom.

The truth of his gospel and live from his life signed Dave Wilson were bad. I want to go body slammed the devil after that line of thinking what a great thing to say every morning. This is who I am. This is who Jesus is and this is what he has for me and and and speaking a Scripture infused declaration of of yourself as worship you and I want to go back to the other part of pride of I'm unworthy on this and that if if you belong to Jesus. Don't call him a liar. You may feel that way sometimes your actions may reflect that the greatness of our God is. He says that before the foundations of the world, the Lamb of God, was slain, the God loved us before the foundation of the world and so God is already taken into account past present future sins and what he declares to be so we believe it and when we believe it our feelings and actions catch up to his truth. Are you living the good life I am. You know it's it's interesting years. 42 through 46 were rough and I remember hidden 42 and Oz like midlife crisis or not. These guys are talking about and then 42 to 46 was rough now from an external perspective church was boom in marriage was healthy, but there was a extended family conflict in learning how to parent teenagers and it was rough it was.

It was really hard. There was a season where I was in mild depression and really didn't know, and I was like, I will go see a therapist and I found myself I was angry that I wasn't parented the way I was parenting my kids when I was I was there I was angry about that. Like how could you let me raise myself this way like I remember coming home from school in the fifth grade and having to cook myself a I could write across the city of San Antonio on a bus and 11 and an inner were things that I seen and experienced that no child should ever see and experience and I was angry about that in the Lord really ministered to to me through therapy. My depression will lifted also what iDisk discovered to his. I was working through my doctorate and I will sit down and write and I wasn't exercising is as much exercising is good for your mental health. Getting out side soaped up 42 through 46, was rough but God is given me new rhythms and new graces and if this book doesn't help anybody. It helped me it it it it really taught me new ways of how to engage Jesus, but also new ways of how to see and be in the world in which I'm not co-dependent on the world for my happiness man and God gave you a good good good woman, oh no doubt with you guys. Oh my goodness. And I think you can add us to the list of people to books helped.

So yeah is not just you and I hope it's good help. A lot of our listeners as well. Thank you for being with us.

Thank you so much. We are making Darwin's book, the good life available this week to those of you who can support the ministry of family life with the donation how what what you're actually doing when you donate is your investing in the marriages. The families that the lives of tens of thousands of people every day who are receiving practical biblical help and hope for their marriage through this daily radio program I should say hundreds of thousands is really the reach of this program has expanded so much over the last decade because of the number of channels where family life today is being heard and there are people all around the world who are accessing this program. Thanks to the generosity of blisters like you who make all of this possible with your donations.

So again, if you're able to help with the donation today to help expand and increase the ministry of family life today. You can donate online@familylifetoday.com or you can call one 800 FL today and when you do ask for your copy of the good life by doing great but Jesus teaches about finding true happiness.

Thank you gift to you and appreciation for your support and look forward to hearing from you that not tomorrow morning to talk about what real love looks like. As I think, honestly, all of us need to have our thinking recalibrated a bit when it comes to our understanding of love and besides, with Valentine's Day coming up this weekend to think about love. Let's think about it likely will talk more about what real love looks like tomorrow.

Hope you can tune in for that with us think our engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team special help today from Justin Adams on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob Payne see you back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas. Accrue ministry help for today hope for tomorrow