Why Love Is Kind

Would your spouse be able to identify some of the random acts of kindness that you've done for them. Recently, so he does a lot of little things like practicing bad on weekends and I'm going to the office literally walked to the door and he stands at the door in time. Pulling away in the car and close the case and he'll call me today or text me and let me know thinking about me. So I would say that he makes me feel cherished deeply. This is family life today hosts are Dave and and Wilson on Bob being you can find us online@familylifetoday.com kindness is an essential ingredient for strong, healthy marriage talk more about the importance of kindness today.

Stay with us and welcome to family life to the thanks for joining us. We are running a bit of a mission that we said this before your family life. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families.

We believe godly marriages and families can change the world one home at a time and so everything we do from this radio program to the resources we create all that we do has that in mind, and I recently wrote a book called love like you mean it.

That is for married couples that takes first Corinthians 13 and says how would this. How would this flesh out in the marriage relationship because I think a lot of couples today are thinking culturally about love instead of thinking biblically about love and so that's the goal to try to get us all thinking more biblically and I think that if were not careful we will just automatically drift toward the culture will drift toward the culture and so I love that you wrote this book. I love that were producing more and more content to help couples not drift toward the cultures view of love and marriage. I'm shocked that no one's ever written a book on the love chapter on first critique 213 you the very first one because it is the best and I think people around and even read the Bible when they hear go now that's a definition description of love. That's real and true and I don't know if I've ever read that anywhere, and there is it's God's word. I didn't find anything about marriage that was looking at first Corinthians 13. There are people who have taken that passage and written about love. In general, but I thought let's talk about marriage and how that gets lived up to marriage relation what we've read that scripture all the time and weddings yes said it's one thing to read it at the wedding and another thing to apply it in your marriage, and in one of the things at family life that we've tried to do over the years is create very usable, easy to access resources on some of our blisters have been through the art of marriage video series.

The art of parenting. The stepping up video series your video series on vertical marriage. What we've done with the love like you, me, the book is now turn it into a video series for couples to go through with other couples or a mentor couple of younger couple, or you can do it just as husband and wife could do it in small groups on zoom or do it in small groups in living rooms, but we have to keep in mind that when the apostle Paul wrote the definition of love in first Corinthians 13 he was. He was actually scolding the church for not being a loving church, the Corinthian church was puffed up and proud and was all about our gifts and look at how good we are. He says none of that matters. Unless you have love, not yet. He didn't write it down as a look at the way I mean it was a rebuke and it said you know God's love is. This is what it looks like and that's not how most people love.

We want our blisters to hear just a portion of the video series and we talk in this section about one of the aspects of love from first Corinthians 13, Paul says love is kind. What is kindness look like a marriage relationship.

You know what attribute of God is most often mentioned in the Old Testament. You might think that it's God's justice or his holiness. That is, is the most often referred to attribute of God in the Old Testament, but more than 250 times the word that is used to describe God throughout the Old Testament is the Hebrew word, and on that great on Hebrew, but it's said it. It's a word that is translated loving kindness that singer, songwriter and Bible teacher, Michael card says this he says the great surprise of the Hebrew Bible is not that God is awesome or holy fact he goes on to say, other religions, their gods are awesome and holy. These are characteristics we would expect from God, the great surprise of the Hebrew Bible is that God is kind that he is a God has said in first Corinthians 13 one of the characteristics of love that is described for us when we want to understand what real love looks like one of the words that is used is the word kindness loving is kind to be a loving person is to be a kind person.

In other words, these two things fit together. You can't be loving and unkind. Simultaneously, we never think of an unkind person is a loving person. These are inexorably linked with one another. One writer says kindness is a readiness to do good to help to relieve burdens to be useful to serve to be tender to be sympathetic toward others. Someone also said kindness is love and work boots kind person is someone who seeks to actively and aggressively lavishly bless another person cheesecake story so it's really late at night and huge pregnant with her very first child, and how we were working really. I was sitting in a metal folding chair with my feet are swollen very exhausted Narcissus and I became can stand with thigh and striving cheesecake so much that I started crying so I feel like a memo meant I had to be the man and help solve the situation for Rebecca.

She knows pulled the plug on the tears it moves my heart and they just keep things in motion the everything needed to stop and she needed cheesecake so he called everything and that's where he put his on his lap and workload.

He got me in the car and we started driving after 10 o'clock we went to this only because we knew they had strawberry cheesecake went up to the door it wasn't open and they went to another restaurant went up to the door it wasn't open so he drove over to Kroger bakery and found strawberry cheesecake. It was like malingering. Now about 45 minutes to find that one piece of cheesecake. What was better for me when seen. He was willing to stop everything and get in the car and go from place to place to place for such a long period of time just to make sure that that little desire when something he can describe you in your relationship with your spouse or somebody who seeks to actively aggressively lavishly bless your spouse that's what kindness is and I really think there are three elements kindness it has to begin with a right attitude toward our spouse and then kindness is to manifest itself.

Secondly, in how we speak to one another. Coming out of our right attitudes are speech will emerge and then third it's our action one another.

So let's break that down her attitude are speech and our actions and what kindness should look like in a marriage or attitude first.

When kindness dominates marriage relationship. Spouse is always thinking my goal is your good. I want to do as a goal of my life to see you thrive and prosper and I want you to be the person God created you to be. I want to see you flourishing in this like that's my goal.

That's how kindness manifests itself.

That's our attitude and and it starts with this idea, even if it cost me something I want this so much. I'm ready to pay the price. I'm ready to do what this costs me. So when you start with that attitude than the next thing is, your words reflect that. That's what's in your heart are the words you're speaking to one another words of kindness, even if it cost me that's okay because I'm committed to your good think about God's kindness toward us. God's kindness is manifest in the fact that he is committed to our thriving even if it cost him and it did it cost him his son for us to be reconciled to him and for us to be the people that he wants us to be. That's an evidence of God's good kindness toward us. So that's the attitude of our heart. That's where it's gotta begin and it's out of the abundance of the heart in your mouth speaks start in the heart but that it should show up in the words were using with one another, just the way that he pushes me and supports me in in in whatever area family, giving him the ability defeating mean some people. She told me the other day she was my number one thing I am.

I have been trying to make healthier decisions, and for miasma, command go. I'm proud. Just be depressed through this discipline in this area like I'm proud of you. Like that was selling reasons but large garden sex for me that's very encouraging. Really good sex really encouraged. I'm honestly early. They will know he does a lot of little things like breakfast in bed on weekends going to the office literally walked me to the door and he stands at the door and Tom pulled away in the car and blows me kisses and he'll call me throughout the day or text me and let me know thinking about me. So I would say that he makes me feel cherished deeply love us great sex. I feel he pointing back to your purposes and who you are in Christ and what are you doing for him and he reminds me that like every couple she's about me to be the even when I wasn't deserving even even when I'm not made the best decision, but she still honored me has to what we been listing to a portion of the love like you minute video series which is just now available for mustard family life attend sessions for couples to go through what real love looks like a marriage relationship and to hear those couples describe the things we do for one another that make us feel cherished their acts of kindness. I'm so glad you included a lot of different couples mean that I listen to some of those thinking that I liked us up at seven right now. At the same time though, I'm listening same thing thinking I need to step up and it's inspiring to see couples like us in funny ones to know one guy was pretty funny. But it inspires is that okay it's one thing to say, love is kind. It's another thing to do it in a phone call to do and here's the thing we don't recognize how powerful small acts of kindness throughout the day in a marriage.

These are the bonding agent for a marriage relationship quite when that's absent. We feel it when it's present. It just pulls us together that's so true. I think many times we think it's that extravagant act of love, not really. The little things of saying thank you. I noticed this or just something small of locking your spouse to the door when and as we've said in the series. It has to start with a heart that is really inclined toward kindness were not just looking for a change in behavior you want this to be a predisposition of your heart where you want to be kind toward another person, for Christ's sake, but it can't just stop with wanting to be kind, it has to show up and that's what we do here as we listen to another segment from the love like you minute video series kindness. It's not just the thought that counts I say that all the time I went� Well, kind thoughts are fine but they don't manifest himself and kind words and kind actions that what good are your kind thoughts.

The book of Proverbs says this is life and death are in the power of the time and think about that. The words we speak to one another. Whether they are kind or unkind words that either give life to another person, causing a person to thrive and blossom and flourish, or their words that can sap the life out of another person, causing them to shrink back in two decay your words of kindness are words that will either give life to your spouse or speak death to your spouse get start from the heart can't just dress up and unkind heart with with flattering words, no.

But if you're if your heart is predisposed toward kindness, then we should be seeing in you a manifestation of kindness and how you speak to one saying unkind things to one another. Marriage will never cause your love for one another to grow it will cause your marriage to thrive. We have to guard our hearts and our tongues and seek to speak words that are positive and encouraging and uplifting words of kindness words that bring life to another person.

So kindness begins as an attitude. And then it shows up in kind words and then ultimately is gonna manifest itself in kind actions. Where were seeking to do things that that benefit another person that caused them to thrive.

There's a difference between somebody was nice and somebody was kind right I introduced you to be blessed.

This is a really nice guy and that I said this person is a really kind person. You understand the difference and and we like nice people, nice people than mean people but you really rather have somebody was kind than just somebody was nice when we talk about actions toward one another, not just talking about politeness or proper etiquette were talking about actions that actively seek to bless another person here's a good question for all of us would your spouse describe you to others as somebody was kind if they were in casual conversation and they said tell me about your husband about your wife would your spouse say oh she is so kind I have never known anybody who was a kinder person.

Wouldn't you like to be thought of as somebody who's a kind person that can require intentionality. It requires a decision to want to proactively seek to bless another person. Marianne and I were attending a marriage conference as attendees. A number of years ago.

The speaker was speaking shared a story about how his wife had told him that she really loves it when he fills up her car with gas. He just make sure that there's always gas in her tank that I remember looking over Marianne and saying would you like me to do that and she was. She smiled.

She nodded and so since that time I made a quest it's it's my goal to make sure that my wife rarely has to fill up gas tank that I keep her car well supplied.

She sees that as a demonstration of my proactive love for her.

It's in active service.

It's kindness being manifested toward her. She does that for me in dozens of ways every time I open a drawer and there are clean undershirts in my drawer just magically appear there. It's because my wife chose to be kind to me. So as we serve one another in little ways in our marriage. Those little ways are little deposits of proactive kindness toward one another and it's easy to take those things for granted. It's easy for us to overlook those or expect those are stable yet that's what you should do. We need to pull back and say when were doing that for one another. It's coming out of a heart that says I really care about you thriving. I'm here to support that. I'm here to help make that happen, do my part to be kind and all these things make it seem like small things little tiny deposits of kindness, but researchers have found over the years that the presence of kindness, acts of kindness in a marriage is one of the best long-term predictors of marital success. Couples who are thriving and to experience high levels of marital satisfaction are couples who experience these kinds of acts of kindness happening in their marriage regularly has to start with intentionality in her heart. We have to be purposeful in wanting to bless our spouse and then it shows up in our words and how we speak to one another.

Ultimately, in the acts of kindness we do to serve one another in marriage. Love is kind.

Are you kind one night when we were and having one of these big fight series having one of these days where I really thought we may mistake we did lead we shouldn't have gotten married and you know are our families are getting along. Kids were happy and he didn't seem to be happy with me and I just I felt completely like a failure felt like we've messed up and there's no way we can fix it and we just have to live in sorrow and sadness and pity forever and I was talking to Robbie, and I was just being honest with them and asked him to start. I'm just really struggling and I'm not sure on if we did the right thing or not.

And he looked me in the lady said to me you when you get if chosen to be vindictive and reminded me of all the things I done wrong or how I can make better and he tends to be kind instead was a powerful moment, kindness makes a difference in a marriage relationship. You got me crying to know was beautiful and I did have this thought ice is so easy to want kindness from your spouse. I managed I'm guessing some people watch and said my husband would never say that in its you get a look in the mirror and say it's the way you ended the session about are you kind and that's only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit of God in us now because of our sin bend our first response naturally is you're not getting that for me and yet with the Holy Spirit power of God living within us.

We can think now I can do that for my spouse regardless of what happens in return, and that's a big part of this series, the love document a video series is to say, each of these attributes of love is not something we conjure up. It is a Holy Spirit generated fruit of the spirit so patience comes when the Holy Spirit brings that out of you. Kindness comes again, patience and kindness are two of the fruit of the spirit found in Galatians 5 and here in first Corinthians 13, Paul says this is what love looks like love is patient, love is kind are our hope is that couples will get together with other couples and spend time talking about these qualities of love, so that we can all do a better job of living this out in our marriage relationship. The new love like you minute video series is now available for preorder. We get clips up on our website@familylifetoday.com if you want to get some samples of what the video series looks like you can preorder from us go to family left@a.com or call one 800 FL today to order your copy of this series.

Each session is about 20 minutes long, so there's plenty of time for the group to interact over the video content again. Find out more when you go to family life to a.com or call one 800 FL today for more information about the new love like you mean it video series from family life again. Check out some of the other video series we have here at family life like the art of marriage for David and Wilson's political marriage video series here at family life were committed to doing all we can do to provide you with practical biblical resources video series articles podcasts. This daily program. All that we do is designed to help equip you to have a stronger more durable marriage and a stronger family family life today exist to effectively develop godly marriages and families who change the world one home at a time and I want to say thank you to our legacy partners.

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The Bible says love rejoices in the truth and will examine what that means tomorrow to be with us for that. I don't think our engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson about see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life, to a is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas. Accrue ministry help for today hope for tomorrow