Are Our Kids Ok?

When an adolescent or young adult begins to experience significant issues with depression or with anxiety pastor and biblical counselor David Murray says there is a long path ahead for that young person and for their family. I know nobody likes to heal this in America's late quickfix instant solutions middle.

This is not going to quit the snow can be instant but is going to be good every single pass and I've walked through depression anxiety with us, the other day and more resilient, but in their faith more sympathetic, more kidding, more sensitive and more useful in the kingdom of goal. This is family life today. Our hosts are David and Wilson on Bob Lapine.

You'll find us online@familylifetoday.com will map out for you today. The path to follow. If you find a son or daughter wrestling with significant depression or anxiety.

Stay with us and welcome to family life to.

Thanks for joining us. I think for a lot of moms and dads there hearing what were talking about this weekend. There turning up the radio they want to hear that and saying we need help because they've seen things that have caused them to wonder and worry our kids okay. Like the child who after dinner goes to her room and never comes out and if you go in and say you did okay Joe tampon and that's it and it's like there's no connection and you feel you start to worry get anxious yourself as a parent what's going on with my kids so I think it's one of the hardest things when you see anxiety in your children.

It's bad enough in yourself and it's bad. But when you see it and somebody else and you can't really solve it my way.

That's way this program is that important thing to do at one of our local high schools. The suicide the number of suicides in this one high school has escalated all the parents are talking about it. And deep down every parent a little worried about it. Down the issues of anxiety and depression are escalating and we got David Murray joining us to help us sort this out as parents and help us know what to do if our kids are experiencing this David, welcome back to family like to thank both you here David is a pastor he's an author.

He four years has been a seminary professor at Puritan theological seminary in Grand Rapids.

He and his wife have dealt personally with issues of anxiety and depression and David is just written a book called why am I feeling like this for teenagers to help them with issues of anxiety and depression and then a book for parents. Why are my teenagers feeling like this.

Maybe we should separate anxiety and depression there not the same third different but there linked right now that's a tricky one us and took us about 50% of cases of anxiety. Also have depression, so much so that local physicians are dismal just talk about the patient anxiety as it is one problem but it is important to say. And because you can be anxious with a traced invasive are some so you might if you want to simplify it say that anxiety is like from your raves are way too high and you kind of Diane and the patient is when your raves are way too low and you can't get them out and is strange that in the one pass. Then you can have both problems does tentacle in a cyclical way often anxiety comes first, where's the Paris and exhausts them and eventually they slumped into a depression and then felt often comes with real portly symptoms as well that people expedience which makes them anxious and you get into this horrible vicious circle. I remember our teens going through seasons where they were kind of emotionally flat like I described the go to their room. They read, they just don't want a whole lot of social interaction as a parent, you feel like is there something wrong.

Are they depressed. Is there something I should be doing.

How can we know as parents, whether we've got a real issue, or whether this is just kind of normal adolescent behavior is tricky because as you see normal teams go through times of quiet and withdrawal I think of the team does to some degree, and I think the thing is not to leave it too long not to just assume everything is fine. Teams don't want you jumping on them every time they go to the room for the day or two. But you know that goes to 34 spatially a week and more than anything you want to start trying to initiate a conversation is often based note to like milk in the door know what's wrong with you, but you know it initiate less comfortable place go for a meal and just have a casual relax.

Talk about everything and then hopefully see you in and create a context in which we can begin to talk about these issues that kids find it very hard to talk about you try to create a tight team of employees and atmosphere was spatially nonjudgmental non-condemning and if you time to even talk honestly about your own challenges and struggles as a team because often teams look to the parents think my neighbor Victor all figured out who the paraffinic they never had this you just trying to find ways of opening that conversation up on. Actually, if you get the most cases you will if you go visit wisely.

You're like 50% of the way they are because that's the hardest thing to get that conversation going. But once you get it going. You really have you've almost claimed the highest hill there still hills ahead but this is the hardest one to go also so coach me through.

If I see something in my son or daughter. And I'm thinking like Bob said they're going to the room.

Whatever I don't start with hey I think you're depressed, don't do that judgment. I think you're wise enough to know that I care. So what's a better approach. How do I get them talking, I think, to have the relationship for us to both your kids and that is not the time to start a relationship right so hopefully you bill the ability to connect over the years you've got some capital in the bank with them is that where thing is the first thing and then secondly I think just try and engage in activities something relaxing outside and just normalize a DO enough to know an evening out. I just talk about life in general and try and gradually come closer and closer to these fears you have and I think questions like, just, you know he's a lot better on the challenges teams are having today I want to help of you having any challenges yourself just use me as a resource I know of only on servers but I may have some that can help me with my bill to point to someone saying that all activity teams just going to drop the body is forced to tie him up at about. I think if you do that is a hobbit get into something regularly, then eventually you will break through and you will begin to deepen these conversations we had one gas.

Remember, he talked about going on a walk with his kids every evening and it was nice out just became a routine that I gonna walk not too far been around the block or whatever and talk about their day. I thought that was a great idea and not always with the idea that your essay I've just noticed that your feeling as well, and I'm just wondering I'm concerned in school today.

That's right as a parent you're hoping that they'll be a breakthrough every time when there's not a breakthrough you go home your Cadillac screen. It is frustrating but you just have to trust the Lord in the midst of this, and the thing is like evangelism. You sow seeds and you may not see a return to me gently but you soon.

Seeds that in the teams brain will be fertilized and will be watered and that man of a surprising moment come to Florida and fruit and never really good deep conversation. Did you see this with your girl statement having a going up.

If you put some sort of habits or patterns in with Amerindians yet and I would see my wife has been dates with my kettles than I have and I have probably been data with my boys than she has none. I'm noticing that's always going to be the case, but just seems to being the case with our family and like when I wrote these books and it was a good way of hate away to tell me about hit the mark. Here are like a totally missed and thus actually initiated a lot of conversations in our household. Since then, so I think even bringing good resources into the hires read them yourself. Kids will notice to me. Ask a question pool probably pick up when you're not looking zero begin to think about these things and realize all my films like the not going to jump during my throat when I may be talk about this, but that there may be getting informed about her to the bill to help me with that. So you're trying to create culture long-term culture to go back to habits I find some Saturday morning breakfasts just great.

A great place to connect with my sons, a spatially a very busy through the week but taken with a good West Michigan breakfast, and just as just just seems a fitting normal natural thing to do you just like get into stuff and you begin to talk about really good man-to-man stuff well and especially think about it.

If there are things that you know your son or daughter generally likes to do, and you can say that I was thinking maybe Saturday we could go fishing because you know they love to go fishing. Even a child who might be dealing with discouragement or depression might go well you had I'd kinda like to go do go carts or play golf or whatever it is that is they are thing go out and do that and just see if that dislodges some of this. I think my question is when do you start to get really concerned as a parent and go. This needs more than just evening walks, and a good West Michigan breakfast will if you're getting into. That is no communication that is total withdrawal. There's isolation from frames if you're beginning to pick up hadn't sold the individual lightnings. I like it debate if I wasn't here are.

I'm just a burden to you.

This world is not worth living, for which I'd never been born. Things like that. I'm of no volume worthless. Nobody likes me one of these things on their loans moving up such big deal but you beginning to heat a pattern and you wanted antique stamps in the end I would see you omitted professional help, that point is appealing, you're not really equipped, but you'll bring in maybe adults or maybe a pastor if it gets the point where you you believe your team is on the varicella of taking their life. This is no blue lights flashing.

This is 99 million. This is not something for matures. You need to get into the hospital or you need to get the hospital today am don't risk, hoping for the bank say that that 999 is okay here in the US it's 9/11 okay do we do go to the doctor first because I I'm talking to parents who will go to the doctor he will say I see signs of depression.

Here's a prescription for this and that and the parent goes okay well they'll take their pills and that all be better and is a Christian psychiatrist better. You know ideally you want a team and of roles encouraged up with people so the payments are critical members of the team. Adults are hopefully your pastor to sensitive and sympathetic. Can I think you need to taste that first summer Knowlton and a good Chrysler Christian comes the biblical counselor. Maybe it's a spatially complex eventually then you would go for some professional psychology, psychiatric help, so you're you're trying to address this from a number of angles. You're recognizing limitations under recognizing the need to bring in skills from different trains and expedience people and there's no silver bullet for this is because of such complex poem we have to build a number of factors then and nothing ever goes smoothly.

You try one dull chart you don't get much help you try someone else get help. Just go to patiently work ahead of this is why I really encourage pastors to have these things at the fingertips that when families come they can say okay here's the doctor. Here's the counselor.

He is the psychologist that we need to get involved in this so you you already got tasted resources that you can bring in this part of the steam your books, the one preteens and one for parents outline a number of different scenarios, case studies, basically because anxiety and depression can look very different so for some children, it may be going to their room and withdrawing anxiety can look very different in terms of the hyper excited-ism and a child kind of give us the common scenarios of how this is going to manifest itself among teenagers. So I think if you think of depression in Google's open manifests itself by a lot of irrational crying flows gives my wife so it just overwhelming sadness which when you ask about.

I don't know why, in Johnny's. It's often irrational anger is not restrictively, but speaking vintage in the way here if you could team guy who's like lashing a bad tempered, never guy's as well as my son millwork talking about like no one stole completely undefended, irrational, effective you look a little of the school shootings. These things were old they are beforehand so you're looking for that then you're also looking for sleeplessness.

So with both depression and anxiety and so Mia is usually an accompaniment to the either not getting to sleep wake up very early in the morning. Very broken sleep, so there's a general exhaustion just M.

D.

Motivation in capable of actually just doing your daily duties going to school you see grades plummeting something out that the no longer participating in sports a toll withdrawing from frames and just a general same soul of hopelessness and fear about the future.

So you see that as a parent. I mean, that's like panic mode enough, if watching my son or daughter do that. I'm thinking the worst. Again, I'm thinking going on an evening walks, not the cure for that because it's like wall obscene anger MC and depression have seen sleeplessness. What I do. I mean, it sounds like a really big thing is the team the team and that isn't just one thing you do is a CDs old usually along CVs of states you have to look at this is a minimum of a six month and probably closer to 1 to 2 years.

Spatially the teen years.

Your goal of hormonal issues going on as well so the rates for anxiety and depression in kettles is much higher than for boys.

Double just about so trying to take a realistic approach. I know nobody likes to heal this in America's late quickfix instant solutions know this is notably quick. The snow can be instant but is going to be good. There's good at the end of this every single pass and I've walked through depression anxiety with has, the other day and more resilient deeper than their faith and more useful in the kingdom of God more sympathetic, more kidding, more sensitive, and I'm not seeing everyone I've walked with has come at the other end I'm talking to those who have used all the means a gold is provided because somebody will disable you know I'm only going to take pills well. I'm sorry.

That just won't work or something was about to read my Bible. Well, I'm sorry, that probably won't work.

You need to take all of God's helps and is provided multiple helps physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational helps and could not altogether and at the other day and you have a Baker kid Angela Bates appearance because your Humbolt your dependent and you've actually been brought closer to your kids in the process as well. Your form the bones that that will last lifelong I know is apparent if the teams going through something like this were praying for our kids regularly should we be engaging with them around the Scriptures, even if they're saying they had to go on and say can I just read this passage to you. Can I just ask you some questions and they say I'm not interested.

Coach us on that side. Young's whether the problem was primarily spiritual are primarily physical or primarily a Providence in the their life, whatever that is valuable has go to be at the saints are over Calvary unit assisted by people in prayer that God comes to as many gold weather were taking medications. Weather were getting counseling. When we were trying to exercise more, take a weekly Sabbath. We need God's voice singing and praising us in all of these videos so we need to bring golden whatever the cause, and we need to really help teens change their worldview effectively and that's what the Bible does so a teen in the midst of depression, anxiety has is usually of a small view of the wall of the fight is usually these four lentils ACL life and vessel BC sales and one of the great challenges us to get them turned and say that and just begin to look beyond themselves. Yates to their family used to the French Jase to the wider culture of the chart. But above all to go and get gold into the our view of the waddled their perspective. They are saints of who the are we talking a bit about identity issues and I would go to get that from gold and silver as soon as we bring gold in it. Dustin Cpl. Bobette because BC had great daughters and we see how gracious he is in providing all these resources to hide you practically do this is the question. Well, what we don't do is late. Read chapter of the D depressed and anxious people if they can get a couple of verses a D that the triumph often "believe in the power of God's word that even a varus or to a D is powerful and for tightening accumulates to re-create their sense of self. The sense of the waddled their sense of who God is.

So that's why usually encourage teams to do in the book could do give some tips on how to start a daily Bible reading plan that does start with just the versatility trained in the same place at the same time every day. Shut off the phone, even if it's five minutes five minutes undistracted with gold is worth gold and make a habit and all be small regular engagements and meetings with gold will begin to change a person and their view of themselves and the thinking we have a friend who has ADD and he was never on medication. We can account just to do some practical things and helping them through it and he went to college to get an engineering degree and found the stress level overwhelming in terms of trying to get through and so he said I think I'm getting on some medication to help me lacking the study and so he went on a medication he can study it.

We had studied at but it sent him into some depression and that scared and and so he went off it instantly which made it worse him. He didn't know it and we didn't know he'd gone off and it instantly and he came home from college one semester never left accounts and I had never seen him like that he was crying. I don't think I'd seen crying quite a while and I was so concerned and I think that happened is it created a culture of talking and he was. He was probably little more quiet than the other boys that just asking questions once in while I was amazed how putting my hand on hand and praying over him and praising God for who he wise and what I saw in him, and what God had good things for his future.

I was amazed at how needy he was for that, and how before. Maybe in high school. He was like no, not whatever man but this point he was kind of desperate for anything and I think that we forget the power we have his parents. I'm just empathizing praying of our kids, laying her hands on them speaking hope for them and future over them.

I think that's powerful to to add to it is beautiful. One is just a beautiful story is hard to go through the thing you see that in the tale of God is used in your life in your son's life as well and I remember something sitting with my wife and she was in tears and that you ID reasoning is to debase a seat which you just put your arm around, and yet is sometimes the simple things like Satan's understanding Milken Damon no expressing disappointment. Not seeing you messing up my life. You know this is not what we envision your making us look bad to make an is like that and and I have to be honest I was a pastor the time when Shona condemns her depression and then skull on this low stigma then bye-bye can 2001, and it would entail and because we thought, you know how you will people view our ministry. The past is waste depressed walk in the past, looking up that many people say that Henry and and looking back it was a horrendous mistake, not only because it stopped is getting hailed earlier, but old soul prevented huge opportunities for ministry and I actually wouldn't be here today in America teaching times laying in writing big Springs. I tend to patient if it wasn't for the fact that ultimately we went public on the story raising native so on you telling that story. I'm sure listeners are just going to click without their legal team and their coach) and you just given them just the simplest doable things that can make such a difference. Well what you're giving us is not only wisdom but also tool we can use if we've got a son or a daughter who is battling with anxiety or depression of the book the David is written is called why am I feeling like this teens guide to freedom from anxiety and depression and it's not just a book that you buy and then put on your son or daughter's bed and say here read this. There is also a book that David has written process. Parents why is my teenager feeling like this because this is a path you really need to walk together with your son or your daughter get a copy of both of these books. If this is a reality in your home go to family life to a.com order either of David's books can order them from us online or you can call if you prefer her number is one 800 FL today.

Again, David's books are called why am I feeling like this teens guide to freedom from anxiety and depression and then for parents.

Why is my teenager feeling like this. A guide for helping teens through anxiety and depression order both books from us online@familylifetoa.com or call to order 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today. You know, anxiety and depression are not simply teenage issues. All of us can go through seasons where this is a reality in our lives and for a lot of people right now and 2020 hurts a lot going on that can cause you to become anxious or depressed, especially for people who are dealing with unemployment. As a result of the economic issues in 2020. Earlier this week we talked with Dale crime camp who has written a devotional for people who are unemployed. It's called how long the Lord, how long and were making that devotional available today to anyone who can make a donation to support the ministry of family life to help us extend the reach of this ministry that we want to encourage you who are still employed to think about people you know who may have lost a job and are trying to make sense of life right now, make a donation get them a copy of this book and give it to them as a gift as a way of expressing your love and your care and your concern for them again.

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We thank you for your partnership and that you can donate online@familylifetoday.com or you can call one 800 FL today to donate as per your copy of Dale crime camp's book when you get in touch with us and thanks for partnering with us in the outreach ministry of family life today. We appreciate you and we hope you can join us again tomorrow were going to talk more about teenage anxiety and depression and look at how the book of Psalms is a great place where we can find encouragement and help and rest in peace when were battling depression and anxiety. David Murray joins us again tomorrow. We hope you can join us as well. Think our engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson hi Bob peen C back tomorrow for another edition of family life, family life, to a is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas. Accrue ministry help for today hope for tomorrow