Embracing My Savior

Ms. McConnell grew up in Scotland. He was physically abused by his stepmother regularly.

He joined a gang early was in and out of trouble with the law.

Throughout his teen years, and eventually wound up in prison.

That's where Ms. came to faith in Christ and decided he wanted to be a pastor. So the first year of college was wild. I did nine months I was maximum-security and was in seminary so you can imagine, I wasn't used to debate if you disagree with someone. Let us slap Oedipus in the hottest woodwinds in it was an interesting time. This is family life today.

Our hosts are David and Wilson. I'm Bob Lapine you can find us on my family life today.com. Ms. McConnell joins us again today to talk about his journey from juvenile delinquency to being a church planter.

Stay with us and welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us. One of my favorite passages of Scripture want to come back to over and over again is the passage from the book of Isaiah where the prophet says that the ministry of Messiah is a ministry that will bring beauty from ashes, but because I think of what God has come to do in our lives. All of us matter how pristine your background may look there are ashes and all of our lives really and there's dysfunction there's a mess that God has to come in and address and this week we been hearing a story from a guy who had a a messier than normal background, the kind of background that if someone shared this is my life. You would think what, there's so much damage here that if you can just heal from your wounds that would be remarkable debit to be able to be healed and recover and then be used by God to help others I meet.

If you've ever thought him too far from God.

There's no hope for me to listen today when I read this book when I told Dave like this is one of the most horrific story that I've ever heard anyone in the most miraculous redeeming stories.

Ms. McConnell is the guy really hear from today. Ms. is one of the pastors that need re-community church in Edinburgh, Scotland. He is the founder of a ministry called 20 schemes and we think of schemes as being ghetto plans that we cook up Noah scheme in Scotland is an area of government housing, often lower socioeconomic status there and there are 20 areas that this ministry is targeted throughout Scotland to try to plant churches in some of the hardest places in Scotland meds has been to Bible college in the seminary, but his background he was abused as a child by the stepmother.

He had a dad who was not there to protect him as he should and Ms. wound up getting involved in gangs doing drugs being arrested for burglary and drug-related offenses, and we've already heard some of the story this week but were to pick up our conversation with him at a point where his street life had begun to catch up with him.

What landed you in maximum security prison that serious selling two-minute static at the guy's reparation.

The bank got me 15 minutes and then not secure again and did not harden you or did that begin to cause you to pull back and go, wait, I gotta reevaluate my life looking to evaluate my life. And if I'm honest and on the streets quite a lot on the streets now since it seems about 1670. You know Dustin you know what you call crack house days, railway stations bumming about my life is going nowhere fast and I was like hello my friends with dying modern called the viruses. We called it back then the 80s HIV in a couple noted. And so I was wondering what the heck is life. What's going on will not dealing with myself if you, my stained scene with all these boys absolute jobs and on the back of the lads reading a copy of Les Miserables something out. The deal was coming to profess. I was always reading something that is always thinking is something more to life than this, but I don't if I can be bothered with it and want to go in to Mexico.

That was 23 1/2 hours a day in a cell and which community's many Sydney is I need is a lie been the prisoner like skinny love books did not jail time easy but you had to be tough to survive. I did a few brutal things to survive, not just jail right anything you didn't mean to turn to God what you mean by that, I was looking for God. Any sense I was looking for meaning I was looking for some so hope something bigger than us bigger than what was going on bigger than me saw Christians. What about now and then I remember that in jail walking down the corridor was some guys chatting and seeing us poster on the wall is just a picture of the guy standing in it that room with a little ray of light shooting in from the side and it just basically said life is coming to the world and the downs is not put out an amended being completely arrested by that photo of thinking that does not mean but I was thinking I'm not guy sign it.Plessis what is that designing an assault on me thinking about spiritual things. So how did thinking about spiritual things morph into first hearing or understanding the gospel, but had the gospel he falling to jail consolidating some drugs in the house I will call the community center and in these Christians drove away, not a Christian at the time they drove up and Jim talents acid if you want.

Again, the football, soccer, and I'm very suspicious and like these guys must be the police something right now. Normal people do this anyway. Got it free again.

The football that sucker and them that have Chinese guy start talking about Jesus and saying Hallinan like heck anything and so first time it Christian. I was asked the arrested someone outside. We smashed that concept and police came in thinking that will be one city once again. But the next week, they came back that they kept coming.

Even though I was friendly with the boy say this is all BS. I was listing to noticing things like that about life and death am thinking I wonder about all the time with you in the wind about what the meaning of life is empty can wonder about all the time you thought about help what is hope mean you cannot wonder about all the time but didn't say anything compiles some sat there, the lender inside me think another rep now, but the same time, these guys are asking questions that preoccupy me almost all the time that happened over a period of two or three years and then when I got sent to jail until it was boys. Christian boys actually came to visit me tightly to my sentence like did begin to the press is. My sense is thinking more and more about taking about Jesus did Jesus seem like a real pain to me he seems like the saw a guy that I quite like he he stuck it to the man to the authorities and had a picture of Jesus going up to his old rules and bags and follow the system Jesus that I was hearing about picking bits and bulbs sounded educated and so was very interested to find out more about him. So how did that journey continue for you go out you for Perot.

My sense and I didn't have an address at been homeless for almost 6 years at that point to this Christian guy said when you can live in my house with me on so I went and looked at this Christian guy's house and it was that I found that a book called in Matthew Henry commentary on the Bible. You see, not all their things bigger than me so IN my stock to me… This must be a Bible out Alta Street this bad boy see what it's about. So I read it.

The whole thing. Oh yeah why everyone you do you remember what what it was what hit me until it really hit me with a load used to say me was the book of Romans. Actually, that's how I was conveyed so I quit with counselors, social work. As I grew up with all sorts of people telling me look hot humid good boy you just got a bad break in life. If you bought into a nice middle-class family be a nice middle-class boy. You only a product of the cows that life is Dell union environment and lead in the book of Romans with Paul now paraphrase is basically saying boo-hoo you what a terrible childhoods.

He still a sin that needs to responsibility for your sin.

I did not like dots, but that was the truth of the Bible and that's what led to my conversion let you know will actually be strip center.

Yep, terrible, horrible disgusting things that happened to me but I'm still center before a holy God so very process of few months I give my life to Christ Ms. we got to deconstruct this for just a minute because boo-hoo you had a terrible childhood but you're a sinner and you're still before a holy God. I mean, that sounds to some people, like you have no compassion for others who are suffering. Yeah, well, to be clear, the contents of this conversation I was talking about myself and anybody else just I just met him approached my people like that pastor for 20 years.

They are asking me was my process of thought and that's that's how we talk on the street. That's how we thrill process information loosely. I can couch it in far greater saw intellectual terms. If you like the that's the bottom line for me anyway. My point was I didn't tell you to think the sick and send you a victim of stay constant and to some degree that is true the Bible to say yes, but you also have a GP to take responsibility for your sin against God and other people like I like this bit fact, I don't like the second. It was badly missed the second time you was true even as I disliked. It's a huge step because of anybody. You have every right yeah to say I'm a victim and yet you make this step to say it's on me, send it to be clearly unaffected and I'm still a victim yeah but the two had been conflated you say so. God is interested in my synthesis. My rebellion against him then will deal with the pastoral thought out because nobody you can imagine. Just come to Jesus and the will who you know. Thank you God. All is forgiven. Dilemma passed by the animal law questions come to that realization was one of the most painful processes in my life. I had to be a little humble pie. You know that's a difficult thing to just put everything that happened to me to one side admit right will come back to that hot yes I am a rebel, you on the center of her people rebelled against the Lord's people of absolutely 1 million% hit me. You know I get to a process where once I find out about hell that's brilliant. I like that judgment because I'm glad they can hold the concert alone while I prayed. Thank you Lord. I hope they get toasty down there and so I did. I'm trying to explain to a process. As a pastor 20 years I could clean the process a few, but in the moments where I was not. That's how my brain was processing information, which is why I wrote the book the way I did to be a way to tell people what to think. His people to be processing it differently and be on the saw different trajectory. How did you process the goodness of God with what you have experienced growing up.

I'm still processing.

I have 2° in 20 years in ministry to be very clear about that. Again I say in the book. It is a process it's not clean, dry thing that God is good. Yes, nothing that God is absolutely sovereign over everything even over my abuse yes I'm like comfortable or happy about that. Sometimes no I'm not because I don't understand it fully, but this is where faith comes in his face, not just in Jesus's decree. For those of us who been abused taking Jesus is almost easy thing is the faith in the rest of the character of God that we gotta take on his work that we won't get answers now. We may get some may find some peace, but ultimately I don't know why people told check children. I do not know how in any way that brings honor all glory to anyone. For some people that reality has been enough to cause them to abandon what faith they had. I can appreciate hundred percent. How can you cling to what you do believe rather than saying if this is who God is bowing me.

Vobis eight. I can appreciate have talked to lots of people Calypso of in a Christian environment.

I think in many ways my non-Christian environments helped me process it better.

What I mean by that was. I was pretty much existential nihilist.

There is no meaning is nothing, it's all a waste of time is why study why go to school. Why behave yourself. Why do anything just on a piece of rock in the middle of the stage rolling around we live.

We struggle we get trampled on and we die and then came to something about gods and the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ and sought to choices I can continuing my nihilistic there's no point to anything and therefore no point to my suffering the meaning behind it. Boo-hoo. Get over it.

Where is actually finding Christ finding hope in Christ, finding even struggling with these questions has in his strange providence of God giving me comfort to know my suffering only has meaning because of God's existence, and therefore, even if I don't fully understand the I cling to it and so I think sometimes it's easier to handle this if you come from a non-Christian background in many ways pastorally that particular ahead of people you know my dad was a pastor in the abusing that's far worse than I think the mom to me you know someone is claiming to know Christ and will for Christ and be a overseer for the sheep is abusing people that would take a lot of serious and whining about the goodness of the Lord and that you see what I'm saying so many ways that I got it easy.

So when you go back to your conversion in your early Christian walk were what a God start to do a mean you're led to Christ by Matthew Henry, and then use this walk. What what begin to change me lots of things, stop taking drugs and so was quite helpful that it was immediate yet. I do deal with God and the one that listen to going trust Jesus. I don't know anything else about anything else on the deal you sought me out. Now stop doing stupid stuff like taking drugs I went cold turkey. We call it for two weeks now, not love. When I went blind for a while. It was rough.

It was rough. I did it on syslog. I am doing for the Lord. I was the said in May 1995 come back ever since to anything so you know I was predetermined so that was a saw that the first immediate thing that did the things I didn't sought notes, but people Notes them about me you not stop swearing and stop being so aggressive and violent follow-up. Some of my friends said you can put that down to sociology because you're socializing out with nice people, but I knew there was an in a change in me. What was interesting is I questioned God more coming to faith that if you know what I mean be fighting just come to Jesus ago said I accept everything now. I was questioning everything I was reading the Bible voraciously. A group rate to nine months I was at 70. How did you decide to do that. I just well because I mean it was great going back on the streets and tell my friends about Jesus and stuff like that body know much of more than listen well. Rats will going to hell. Jesus cling to the cross and that trust me just get on the Jesus trying will be all right and that was about it. So I figured maybe I need to know a little bit more about when talking about and so sue us strange process of with providences.

I actually ended up in seminary a year earlier than I was supposed to be that because a secretary put the wrong date on that offer. To me, so I turned it with my offer that fairly. So the first year of college was wild eyed peas nine months out of maximum-security and was in seminary so you can imagine, I wasn't used to debate if you disagree with someone.

Let us lapsed the other person the hottest woodwind.

It was an interesting time.

I I have to ask about how you begin to process the whole idea of marriage and family. Given what you had grown up with us a great question because I great Christian friends at a local church is good for me some good Christian friends.

The guys led me to the Lord and got married. They had kids. They were so good with me. I would ask question before you know not be married for 22 years now be with my wife for 25 years. And they would give me all sorts of advice on fatherhood on being a good husband and stuff and so that that was really helpful but but the whole idea of even meeting somebody falling in love, wanting to get married.

I would think, given the background you tab you just stay a free agent and fool around. I wasn't really that sort of guy wasn't into filling around with girls.

I was mowing to selling drugs and violence merely bother with skills and so on that name and got a some foxy enough. The scaling trivia on so she was a quiet girl. She's I C16 am 22 so you can imagine, her parents super Christians and on just wanted out of Mexico.

Her parents worried all yet.was part of the original people from the church. He went on to the streets. Initially, when I was first asked that he knew I was so when I met Miriam she was 16.

She wasn't a believer.

She was pretending not to goodsniffing out the old nonsense on him saying so she's in the slot crostini youth group and I popped in and I'm like you don't even believe all this nonsense. What you will you about, so she asked. He came to faith to a conversation with me to see the irony it was.

I can be back for a pastor. She came to faith in the hands thing to remember that she was to babble, but I think that parents all we were good for each other 90 know Christian guilt did you sacrifice the sheep assuming you got remember I'm reading Leviticus and not thinking what's going on so then it is a quite nice family didn't see the silk building FICA strip this what you can't say so what you call the toilet in the US called a bug where I come from sunlight said to mom, you know what is the bow because I am busting to got you and I did not commit the ultimate cultural fall pacified on me and I will laugh now is let him get to your front door. If my girls came home with a guy like me but to be fed. I did say we they could see very quickly that I was a positive influence. I wasn't like you know I get hooked on heroin or anything, but it was a process I will I look back and went sneaking while I must've been.

While there is one other subject we have to ask you about, because it's really one of the things that you you deal with a lot in this book, and that's the question of forgiveness. Yet, which is not something that happened instantly for you as a follower of Christ gets the question always get what do you forget you not forgive people always pointed story of Joseph thing about why does everybody jump flips jump straight to Genesis 50 with Joseph even it for evil but God meant it for good, that they forget that Katie spent in jail and laid in bed because in the Lord and cousin, his brothers, the guy went to the process and sometimes I think we we iron out the wrinkles in the Bible As we flattened only soaked this whole process and even its' givenness has been difficult. Do I have a responsibility to forgive my abuses, I suppose, is that the question answer controversially is people of assuming this is I don't think I did actually have a responsibility now. I do though I have a responsibility to harbor bitterness in my heart towards will she's dead now anyway hello any of my other abuses. As a Christian I did. I do have a responsibility to leave judgment and justice in the hands of the Lord, not mine for vengeance. Is it… I'll repay you leave that to the logistics that's taking time however if she had come to me repented and asked for forgiveness. Then I would definitely have a responsibility as a Christian to forgive. Hopefully, in the providence of God. That never happened to me. I don't how I would've responded I like to tell you what I think. If such an amazing Christian. I think that would've cost me some soul-searching so the book at the end is deliberately actually quite vague faking getting an answer that like this more than one way to answer this question.

I wouldn't spell up to someone who suffered abuse and the first thing I would do is right now you need to forgive that person from the heart.

What does that even mean what does that look like I want to give people space have, I think, given the woman who abused me and my main abuser to that question is no-if by what you mean is did we meet up cookie out and I said forgive and forget. No. But do I store bitterness or anger toward Terry my hot answer truly is no, I don't I leave it to the justice of the Lords that makes people feel uncomfortable and said that if he gave you gotta forget about this all the time, you must forgive. Well that's slightly more nuanced than that I think there was ever a time that you can look back and think through when the bitterness subsided to go away. Think early as I was pretty is not yet forgiveness and getting on with my life the hostage to this anymore children came back in the L, I looked hold my kids in mind and thinking you absolute monster. How could you do this, but then it went away really counting have held any bitterness toward her for a long time now. When I found out about the death of four or five years ago. Even that I wasn't beta.

I just felt sides in a conflict of emotions like yes she's dead. Hope she's in Hal and we should be thinking that your past that you should not conflict that goes on even as a pastor. Within weeks of receiving know what's the right answer. I could tell you all these cheesy Christians and sick of hearing. Don't get me any comfort to people. I think people are in a book like this hopefully will see the rawness in the in the bottle that you see on the pages that that's where the comfort comes from. Listen, I'm not abnormal for being a Christian, 15, 20 years and still fighting with these things. I'm not not know about Christian just because I'm not put things to rest from my childhood years ago just now in the low still. That's what the book was written to counteract this almost weird obsession on finding middle-class Christianity with putting on a brave face smiling and pretending Jesus in our hearts. The sunshine in the field. But it all together than you have a faulty theology. I'm just not convinced that nice true one about with your dad.

Yeah I'm a good relationship with my dad. Have you forgiven him.

He never asked for and I don't feel like you need to get him in the eye. If anything left sympathy for him. He couldn't easily abandon this. You know he stuck with taking to Kevin Stephanie. He came EE took us out. He was never violent towards me already tense me just a really nice guy. Monkey was just a young foolish guy got married too soon had kids too soon wasn't emotionally capable.

He probably fasting.

Now we don't talk about it 60s now that you have regrets. I'm sure if it I don't see any spiritual benefit tracking things from a lifetime ago for him and I have. I'm wondering you had a woman speaking death and hatred in your ear for years and seeps down into your soul. Did you go through times of self-hatred, unworthiness, shame, all the things that were done to you how you deal with that dealt with it very well obviously for a long time, but even now even listen to find the book I remember some stuff that that stuff to be honest, I headed out the really horrific stuff, some of the stuff I'd thought about for a long time and at one dead and I do not should I keep it.

Should I leave it is embarrassing. Opening myself up to do. I need to do this look honestly just trust. I just love Jesus I trust Jesus on its get to heaven solely because of Jesus and get that bit dinged up along the way but I'll take this 67 years of whatever's going on right now just to hang out with with the Lord forever after, I know it's not like a great answer, but I spent too long. I wasted 20 years destroying myself drug stupidity on the bitterness sublet my last 25 years seeking to love people.

Forgive people minister to people past the people working the most dangerous neighborhoods we punish churches with street gangs in presale with that and I'm not when I let her words. I decide when I came to Christ that I would define me anymore on the new creation builders gone. I'm still not feel pain but I think the problem is in a culture that I was self-medicating itself to death. There is no medicine for this is just time to time with the Lord's time with the Lord's people slow but ultimately you not know God happens to me but I'm glad the unable to sift people because it happened to me I would just add thank you Ms. as I read your book, the honesty, the rawness is so refreshing and hard to read.

I mean honestly minimize as I was reading is like you know boo-hoo for my life.

My dad walked out you know and I and I felt all this pain and I read your pain on Mike while you shouldn't do that okay show pain still is real is my pet yet it still it's my pain and it's real, but you know when I picked up the book there and I read the forward. This is the most disturbing book that I've ever read, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

And as I read the book I thought that is so true it's got the pain in the gospel at the end of the day this, the story is not about you yet about Jesus in you being a brand-new creation, so it is so beautifully written because it exposes sin and it overwhelms you with grace and that's what I'm hearing from your story.

So thank you, this book your life and your stories can be used by God as you know, to literally transform generations for generations to come because of your honesty letting us in the dark, but allowing the light to overpower such a powerful way.

You are a new creation. You give us hope that we can be in our generations can be as well.

Appreciate again we been listening to a conversation we had recently with Ms. McConnell, the author of a book called the creaking on the stairs. It is a remarkable story of God's providential care and his redemption in a person's life. I'm thinking of the person who may have experienced physical abuse in their own background or a significantly dysfunctional family background and they think I don't know if I can recover from this reading messes book shows you with God all things are possible.

And there's actually so many people I've recommended this book to really and I think so many American trying to recover from such darkness. They've lost hope in this book brings hope back.

There is a God he sees you he knows you. He can heal you think it just reminds us of there's no one so far gone that God cannot rescue them.

You can get a copy of Mrs. book the creaking on the stairs when you go to our website. Family life today.com or you can call to request your copy. One 800, FL, today is the number again. The book is called the creaking on the stairs by Ms. McConnell finding faith in God through childhood abuse. Order your copy when you go to family life today.com or call to order one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today. I sometimes wish our listeners have the opportunity to hear the stories that we've heard from people whose lives and marriages and families have been changed because they went to a week and remember they were listing your family life today program. The got a resource read something that we put online.

God used this ministry in their lives to alter the course of their life in their marriage and their family. I say that because I want those of you who are regular listeners and to invest in the ministry of family life to know that's what you're investing change lives and change legacies is what family life today is all about the story we've heard from Ms. this week is is a story of God's intervention in his life, and if it hadn't been for those soccer players who kept coming back, and kept presenting the gospel to him who knows where he'd be today on the same way if it weren't for family life today. The resources this daily radio program coming back every day being here being available.

There are some of you who would say I don't know where I'd be today if it weren't for this ministry.

So thank you to those of you who are regular donors. Contributors to this ministry you're investing in the lives and legacies of hundreds of thousands of people every day through your donations and were grateful to be partnered together with you if you're a longtime listener and you've never made a donation or if it's been a while, make an investment today go to family life today.com to donate or call one 800 FL today to make a donation over the phone if God is use this ministry in your life. Pay it forward for someone else again donated family life today.com or call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today, not tomorrow. We want to talk about what it's like for the men and women who every day. Get up and put on the uniform and put on a badge and head out into what had been increasingly more difficult environments for police officers in our cities, our communities, what's it like on their marriages and on their families and Davis joins us tomorrow to talk about that. I hope you can tune them as well. I don't think our engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson on Bob Lapine see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life today is the production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas ministry hope for today hope for tomorrow