Suffering in Light of the Cross

Ms. McConnell grew up in Scotland being physically abused by his stepfather really got him he had to develop strategies for survival really protect you kidneys at all costs. At best, a painful one number that didn't get kicked to the kidneys can take the kick to the face and head. So trying to get back to the wall. If you can totally accompany us to learn that one. This is family life today. Our hosts are Dave and Wilson and Bob Lapine. You can find us online@familylifetoday.com. How does a young person learn to survive when their regular experience is physical abuse at home.

Talk to Ms. McConnell about that today.

Stay with us and welcome to family life to. Thanks for joining us. I think one of the questions that plagues all of us is when we stop and wonder where is God in the midst of some of the stories we hear about people, particularly children who are experiencing abuse, who are suffering and and we think, how can a good, loving, compassionate God allow that to continue.

If indeed he has the power to keep that from happening.

I'm wondering if all of us go through a time where we wonder that when we lose a spouse a child when there's been abuse. I know I've I've wondered that, like God I've been praying all these times for all these months or years and it seems like you don't even hear me yet.

I would say after 40 years in ministry.

That is the number one question that, in my opinion were almost universal because it's a real I mean how do you answer that question we are connecting with someone whose life story gives some light on that question.

Ms. McConnell is joining us and we should say he is joining us, virtually because Ms. is in Edinburgh Scotland were in Little Rock Arkansas but technology is making it possible for us to connect Ms. welcome to family life to thanks have any guys appreciate Thetis your accent is kinda cool to do this to people in Scotland think our accents are cool yet. Generally, yet okay honey just he's probably being nice, except I just looked it up. It's 4238 miles between us and I could drive there tonight with anything.

Ms. gives leadership to a ministry called 20 schemes and Ms. explained to her listeners what it is that 20 schemes is all about SOS scheme in Scotland and some glad like my Jeanette China pot Crossway that projects cost with a North American Indian reservation on satellites when that historically that working-class poor lift my skin fantasies over 200 years old and so finally did, lived on them for two centuries and so in that sense, they saw the half that North American Indian culture about 2 million people in Scotland living schemes so 20 schemes aims to plant all revitalize gospel preaching churches in 20th Scotland sports communities for find that you not to find a Christian that walking down the street in Saudi Arabia and you in the housing scheme in Scotland.

My word while so what does that look like, how do you how do you plan to church there and are they receptive yet very receptive and so historically the 60s probably lit with a peak in the UK in schemes editing the checks of editing filled the last five decades has been just a steady decline.

Culturally, people recognize the church building in the middle of that committee because that's when a grandma went to Sunday school that parents what they would accept such a visit was a cultural acceptance of the church is an entity, but largely few days irrelevant, and so on. We currently have 10 church plants in various levels across four cities in Scotland. Families move in and in some instances, we take of it all church buildings and we at that revitalize them, seeing success. The same people's that saved so goods doing the business amongst that pulling Scotland well were grateful for that ministry also grateful for the story you have shared in the book you've written called the creaking on the stairs and honestly Ms. as as I read through this book.

I thought if this was a part of my background. This is a story I would not want to revisit.

Yeah, it's certainly not a story I could have written in my 20s.

In fact, I signed the contract for the book for years before I fish what would not seatbelt the book in five days. So he ate it was a difficult one. It was difficult to know what to leave on what not to leave out in this phenomena out here call Polly Polly want to hear about puffy and get all the make as you know, you see as possible.

I want to try to fight that and make the book about Jesus. The overarching story you tell is the story of the abuse you experienced at the hands of your stepmother primarily. Yeah, for a period of years.

For how many years, 11 years and we're talking about abuse that was horrific. CSO significant you you passed out on many occasions from beatings that you experienced that hello yeah yeah be in unconscious sexy abuse by her friends, neighbors, give us the overview of your family situation.

When did your mom pass did your parents divorced, take us back to the beginning of the story, so I seek neither the Republic of Ireland was boning island in the 70s and my mother, I think, is that a life walks out on this. I was two years old's my dad was just drinking and gambling.

You not eating 2122 the night very young and then my sister and I was yielding the wind it up in K in northern island in the early 70s, which was at the height of the IRA bombing campaign and if you know much about the IRA then and so big group of children with boats and shipped to England and I ended up in an orphanage. If you like.

In the north of England and how old were you when you were put into an orphanage outing to manifest when in think I was seven when I came to England say I went to big children's home in Yorkshire.

My dad moved to England by the end of this woman in Louisville of in and out of cash so I would be in foster parents for a while and I come back, stay with them but my dad and swimming for a wild and happy packing calving that just went on for a number of years and and why would you be removed from your home because a social worker was recognizing you are endangering your home yeah yeah we will and told we would just be removed and that he out of them on whatever people just convinced and you can just take us weepy taken away. But how does anybody even know what was happening to you and unassuming school reports and things like that so that it would be pretty apparently was pretty malnourished. So as as we are reading the book you know when you went to be with your dad and years.

I guess stepmom it was really horrific right then and she was very brutally cruel woman. So yeah will be stopped. In the end, the stuff my dad was a young man in his 20s had two kids like to drink.

He works he was a bit epic.

He still is not to drink and he was out at all and she obviously had a low-fat, I'm going to Jim for dumping what she would have viewed his his kids on her to look after and she wasn't the smartest person came to realize used to beat me just for reading this call with the book I was taught should wasn't till I was older child that I discovered.she can even beat very well, so probably it out of the insecurities when inflicted upon me, my sister, so obviously you're building up a meal even as young boy and that young man. This bitterness I mean it sort of becomes a story that people learn about when you write what what what was it a blog after her death, the ding dong the wicked witch is dead.

Talk about that because that's sort of in some ways, however, sit here today because then the world found out your story yeah I mean if they understand that is a previous book to this book called is anybody out there if you realize that which I rail about my must be about 15 years old now and which is the first book to the creaking on the status so it's quite well known in that sense, but because I love the idea, I didn't intend to write a book on child abuse. I just was in the house one night a friend texted me and said you know she is died. This woman and I said no and then she went online and googled it and that she was. She died very young and just couldn't sleep and thought about for a long time and then I just thought of route I like to write is just tells me to relax. I just wrote this blog and then things went mental thinking about million hits. Assuming the first 24 hours and getting hundreds of communications from around the world from past is in it.

People had been abusing it resonated with them and quite a few policy suggestively write a book and I'm like no I don't feel like I want to do and I can't remember why how it came about, but and I thought you know what, maybe I out to write a book. I want to write a book that is evangelistic thoughts on this, but it's all right to say, in a minute. God's out. I why's he allowing this to happen to it is not very many honest books out that he wants to make an intellectual, so if you know apologetics book I want to make it so will this a real. This is the path I walked to try and get some answers and even then those answers not always satisfactory. I sometimes walk us back through some of that you are with this stepmom for how many years in the abuse was constant ESO between the ages of 2 to 13 so those are significant years to well yeah we are not talking terrorized it wasn't yet he was. He was pretty bad so if if abuse starts at the age of two. You're probably not even able to process at any level what's happening to you. It becomes kind of the expectation that this is what life is like to be beaten like this. Yeah when I didn't process. What happened to me until after she left, my dad remarried when I was it 13 years old and in high school and I just assumes this is what happens to people. No one ever talked about it and so I never talked about it and it's only as I grew and matured and I thought many, this wasn't right will happen to me, that I began to get very angry. I think I was in my 20s, I had grown up with sexual abuse in my 20s was the first time I think I realize all I was sexually abused because it was just life it was normal. I didn't know anything different and I didn't know that other people didn't experience that.

And so then you go through a whole processing. In that time, walk us through.

I can look at your life God has redeemed and done so much, but what was your belief about God. In those years growing up yet think with just family obviously so you know I saw believed in God's a kid with no rational belief systems thought it must be something out that you mention the book. I tried praying is a kid and say hello. Please help me into this done in the nothing was happening so I just fall this is nothing that I'm wasting my time known as as I got hold and since I don't hear people talk about God and I would be very very light-it doesn't exist. If he does exist he is one sick individual and so yeah I was became normal business. I hit myself late teens. So 1670 start getting heavily involved in drugs and crime and stuff than I had lots of the anger and frustration and in those years when you were being abused by her stepmother which we are aware this was happening to you. We have this discussion and you know he said he wasn't and I largely believe into at the same time. He must've had some inkling what was going on to be fencing. The only time he really saw being me being me with a big press on an overhead that's the time he can't trounce never came back again you not I look back I reflect back on that again. I don't justify things in my data. I love my dad was a young guy in his 20s. No way we could be responsible for two children. In fact, she was probably to him anyway just a glorified babysitter is always at least piles, watching the football drinking always down the bank shop mean. Ironically, his gambling calls me the most pain.

The child explained that what you mean well you know it was the same every Friday you get paid and he would go straight to the bookcase. The betting shops and he deletes all wages on the Joses if it was about Friday night, nine times out of 10 it was about Friday. All these wages were gone. He was welding drunk and I would get absolutely tortured for something she would send me out on a Friday night. I'm talking five, six, seven years else. You know best foot down the road to the book he got to go in trying get them to come out fighting game to come out got beaten. I don't think he quite realizes that we have talked since late you not read this book is that the first one, but I don't think he quite realized how some of that behavior. His behavior actually affected me and my sister detrimentally ask about your sister. Was she going through all the same kind of abuse. Oh yeah, and she was that she was disabled so she checked on missing around that lead she took yeah she was absolutely, it sees a year older than me and often we be separated and sent into different foster care is and stuff like that so it was just that it was chaos. You wonder how children survive and even I wondered now like we just got on with it. How did you survive it. I've no idea. I love to give it a cheesy the grace of God on San.

I'm sure that's correct, but I survived it by reading books. I was a little book; I could read apparently from the age of three.

In the book. I believe I can remember a time that not read by Woodside to be careful because I would be beaten. Sometimes you would strip me naked and make me stand outside in the cold.

She called me with a book and so I had various hiding places out in the garden walls down the road and I like to read some of my my escape from reality was being beaten something that was happening to you daily, weekly, daily, daily several times. Oh yeah, and was there ever a time as a seven-year-old boy. The you picked up a stick and threatened her tried to fight back. Why not I was too small. I was a small little fella. First time I remember fighting back.

In that sense. While I think I was about 12 years old and she was kicking me in the face Miss America remember what it was but and I just set up on isolate effort for this and you know my mother get away from me.stop train attracts for half a day anyway. I did say you have. She left the house about four anything like that. Now, when I was about 14 or 50 remarried but anyway she left those halfway through grammar school, which I got tortured for anywhere tortured because he can explain what grammar school is so groundless to this, it dual system in the UK the time the status to some degree and is a national exam that children age 11 would take all the 11+ exam and that would establish what he went to a comprehensive school just like a normal conference if high school all you went to was called a grammar school that's for children who fall into this top 2% intelligent pupils in the country and I want to place took on the school which was amazing and exciting for you. I'm thinking I was. I was buzzing that she was absolutely incandescent about, so she's upset because you're smart. I don't know yet, she'll tell me you think you stupid you moron you believe is that you'll begin you will never be good. Anything you just like it.did all that was drilled when I came home with a piece of paper that was a glorious moment. Let me tell you, explain what happened you brought home the paper that was going to tell whether you're going to grammar school are you going to comprehensive school yeah and I took it I pass I passed with actually a lot of distinction could depict any school I wanted to go to my Knox and she kicked me up and down the status that by left it on his brilliant as you never called me stupid again when we tell you that when you say you love that bring about what you mean. I took it was a sweet being used to call them sweet beans. Me and my sister this day ends, and that just I know it sounds a bit not. But when it's been happening for decades like breathing so similar suite that was a particularly sweet one. She could beat me all day long we have not taken the joy out of it for me. So did you just lay there and take it. Reality took it yet you curl up. I killed the really protect your kidneys, all costs, that that's the painful one. So trying to get back to the wall. If you can totally accompany us to learn that one and so long as I didn't get kicked to the kidneys. I could take the kick to the face and head teachers protect you had all you get Millie's bruised arms. Ms. you said that early. You just assumed that this was normal that all kids were getting this kind of behavior. This is what life is all about when to the dawn on you.

This is not how it's supposed to be. Was it while it was still going on or after you were older. Elizabeth Elvis. What happened was I mean Quinto doesn't know it is gone. The school I wasn't really accepted that I can really pull housing estate in on these occasions came from private school education and so I stood out a little bit going to bed trouble that my grades were great. My grades were A's and then teach one day was just trying to humiliate me in front of the class about where I came from, I do not the right uniform close on because I wasn't even close. I had to get we get money from social services to to buy me clothes but he went exactly in L.

Savile Row, yes I look like a homeless kid in Saigon upstate for that one teacher was particularly trying to humiliate me so I picked up a chair and smacked him in on the head with it and my been about 13 or 14 and I was taken to the headmaster's office and was a big thing but you can't behave like this indebted on will.

How will status everybody back right up. I can't lose my temper and hit some and that's fine but I been taking this now that 11 years and the one you people to help me and after that mouse align them like I am now going to be uncooperative to anybody in authority so you told them.

Basically, this is been my life growing up was there any response or reaction thing besides your page is an acceptable candidate fine after that and I just to align the sun and thought right on the I'm not having this and I got sucked into drugs and stuff. All events, of course, you've grow up with credible anger unresolved things I'm I'm thinking, self-hatred, all kinds of things that took you on a path of drugs yeah and then you end up in prison that scratch had we been listening to the first part of a conversation we have recently with Ms. McConnell and you know you hear Moses story which he has shared in a book called the creaking on the stairs and you think how does God take someone with this background and bring life back into him and then use them for the kingdom. Yet it's one of those if you look at his story. Read it on paper. He said there's no way this young man even survives you know and then when I hear Ms. talk and read his book on like this is the but God in Scripture you know this is the darkness.

This is the desperation but God through his grace through his mercy has saved us apart from God. There is no but what gathers a miracle. That's about all things are possible. It's a miraculous story that's really inspiring you and and we just heard really the first part of it. In fact, Ms. tells the story of the book is written called the creaking on the stairs, finding faith in God through childhood abuse, and we've got that book available for listers if you'd like a copy go to family life to.com or call us at one 800 FL today to order again.

The book is called the creaking on the stairs by Ms. McConnell kind of unwanted family life to.com or call 1-800-358-6329. Order your copy is one 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today know the reason we have these kinds of conversations is because there are so many families with so many challenges so many people who are trying to start a family today raise their own kids and their background is horrific like Mrs. they experienced the same kind of abuse were dysfunction the heart the trauma that sometimes happens in a family setting and it's hard to know how to chart a new course when your own experience is as horrific as as Mrs. Waters, family life, we are convinced that God is able to bring beauty from ashes that he is able to equip and strengthen and empower people to put a stake in the ground and to chart a new legacy. That's Debbie talked about that many times. That's a part of your story and we want to be here for you regularly with practical biblical help and hope as you seek to effectively develop a godly marriage and family.

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I think our engineer today.

Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson and Bob Lapine back next time for another edition of family life, family life to day is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas crew ministry help for today hope for tomorrow