From Mess to Mission

Tim and Kathy Bush's marriage was a mess for a lot of reasons. Kathy says one of the reasons was because we were so mired in sin that I can see anything I didn't never understand the Bible.

I would try to read it. We finally said, you know, let's quit drinking for one month and in line as we quit drinking and reading the Bible. Things are starting to change and we sat down with a piece of paper at the end of the month in row the good things about not drinking and drinking. We couldn't find anything that was bad about not drinking. Things were so good, so we decided you were just not drinking it. We haven't drink now nine some years and it just keeps getting better. This is family like today hosts are Dave Wilson team ponder someone family like today.com here today how God Tim and Kathy Bush's marriage and change them from being a mission field. Welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us. Our listeners are to get to meet a couple of friends of yours today right to get the Bush we love these guys.

They have an amazing story, good friends. They do Tim and Kathy live in Eastern Washington under house many times and you've done the events that they've brought you into the speak at that bit really is a remarkable story unbelievable story that they came up to us on the love like you made a cruise and we never met him. They came to autograph table and I'm sitting like nobody wants our autograph and he walks out goes yeah I don't wear autograph. I don't care but I want you to to come to our church and do a marriage retreat for us and we ended up doing three or four in a row while yours and here's the thing about them. They are not about their marriage there about telling God's redemptive story in their marriage to impact others and they are impacting thousands. They are a couple who have gone from the worst place you can be a marriage to healing to ministry right and in fact your family life. We are hoping that more and more couples have been in bad places can get the healing. That's what were all about but we don't you just to stop there.

We want you to take your healing. You mentioned this a few days ago when we were talking second Corinthians chapter 1 comfort others with the comfort you've received from Christ in some ways it's like when God blesses you, I think. Rarely does he have just you and mine wants us to be a blessing to others, and that's what let's meet Tim and Kathy hear their story and hear how God is using them in the lives of others, not just in Eastern Washington but all around the country. So how long and 37 years of marriage before you went all this is to be more challenging than I realized I was going to say The first night I was sure we made a mistake and I second that. So the first night both of you work in isolation, yes. So we we I was 18. Tim is 20 we got pregnant and then we got married without the right thing to do. So we only knew each other for five from first. Yes, these numbers got so yeah pre-marriage counseling. No, no, I think we met with Pastor one time before we got married. So we did not know each other. We hardly knew each other with the pastor were supposed to meet with him like six times I was busy once and I was about. That's all we need.

Was there something particular, the first night that made you go. This is the heart we went to the beach and Tim got us a room with the kitchen we could have sex with all okay as you 20 years of marriage would you say roller coaster of highs and lows, or would you say more than Hans.

I would see more depth in 27 years €27.27 Tim revealed the same. You just so in the work that was kind like where I was very driven guy trying to survive by working I thought having multiple businesses making lots of money was all I needed and I could never make enough to be okay ever. I could never survive. Did you know your marriage was not good. I would say I thought was great because Everything she wants.

She had new cars new houses. We want vacations great experiences as a family very well could she possibly want, but didn't she ever say this is not happy all the time. What can I do to make you happy and I couldn't tell him no and throughout this 27 years we were in and out of counselors. We were we were doing everything we could. We were searching we were we researching and there was drugs and alcohol. There was infidelity there was on both sides there. I mean we were the things that I say is, there was never a day that we both said we wanted a divorce. One day maybe I did one day may be tempted. Tim was from a home that his mom was married. My mom was married nine times in two husbands abuse me in hospital for being me and then when I was 12. One of those husbands told her she wouldn't marry a woman with kids, so she gave me up to my grandmother and my grandparents. I got my last name is GOT hers to then our grandparent. My grandparents, my pop was a player yeah yeah girlfriends from €12 for the divorce. My grandma for 37 years of marriage. When I was 18, so news is that I was numbers material you didn't have a model you didn't have anything you didn't have much. My parents are long-term married.

I would say I was raised going to church but was only on Sundays. I never saw my parents open a Bible we we prayed at meals, and there was no relationship yes and I was there was 77 kids and I was raised where there is no talk of college. There was really no talk of future it was when you turned 18. You get married and when you find a man I found was that I thought that was that was good to be the ticket you is 27 years. There was a turning point in 20 some years, will Bob was a process you we go to counseling.

Like I said we had actually broken up a few times and like the first we'd only been married a few months. We had a daughter, and then we found BURDEN with number two as we move back together so that was God had his hand in everything that was early on and then we were in counseling about your 10 and I got some advice from a pastor basically said how you fix my wife and he told me I got an idea and at the end of a couple counseling sessions. He told me that your wife doesn't love you more and fixes this letter go and she may come back to me and I will.

She did come back. That was that little things. I think the sickness came from me overworking nonsense, Kathy Koslow languages quality time and we were not were just so the turning point we had in 2008 stolen Christians were going to church 1.3 times a month, Christmas, Easter, we gone through a time when the economy started to chase us on 2008 we were five businesses and employees. Things were crazy and I noticed that my brother Ned, who was 43 years old at the time he was. He was in this thing I was doing a construction company published construction and we were going to build my own kingdom on earth. That's what my plan was hundred bones in 10 years millions of dollars were and I noticed my brother have and that limp turned into his hand fall off the computer to turn into his foot off the left driver's petal and I said did you gotta go. The doctors we finally when he got tested a CAT scan and this will do a biopsy because of something in your brain will know what it is. Well, about three weeks later we found out it was stage IV will blossom, and they said that you got from a few months to maybe a couple years live that was in July 2008 and Was going to stumble on a conference for her aesthetics and during that time I started drinking a lot heavier than normal and my brother never worked a wife and six-year-old daughter Madison and then about two months later, our nephew, he took his life. So at his funeral I felt myself getting sick to the point were I was having anxiety couldn't sleep and in the month of December 2008. I said I never slept on the whole month so that when a huge turning point was so there at this time I this. This has been who controlled everything he controlled everything, including me. All the sudden I saw this change in him and he had no control over anything and I remember a moment because our parents kinda live that they knew all the stuff that is going on. Remember my mom coming over and she Tim is having anxiety and she asked me how long I was to stay with him because she knew her history and there was something in me that I was.

I saw this change in him and it was it was like stay.

I mean, there's something different here and I finally stepped up in the marriage I felt like I'd never really grown and all of a sudden I had to step up. I had to go into the business until the kids dad can't be here. He can't talk to bankers. He's he's actually even threatened to kill himself and so it was it was a start. A journey of of where I saw him where he lost control, and then I was stepping up. So what I saw from job to said mom just said I should probably leave you while there's always good and she wants to know if we lose everything we have not going anywhere and really for the very first time in my life I felt on conditional love because I didn't have to work.

She was what was huge for me and we really thought things really get better when my brother died as a warning to 09. At this point and I'm on some heavy-duty drug from the doctor this time but also to drugs are most heavily started to read the Bible like 70 pages night I get nothing from it in my mind and that is so my brother dies on February 28 didn't even last six months he died and there were 28 2009 and we went to Mexico everything is better now is getting better. I started spinning out of control. Some so he's got a really good friend in Mexico actually came to me and said Kathy is Tim okay and I'm like no he's not okay. I don't know, I know what to do. He had asked his friend to get him some similar painkillers. Then this guy Tim that Tim had talked to. He had asked him if he was reading the Bible and it was it was kinda crazy because he I did see Tim pull the Bible out at our house and he was kind like speed reading it with cocktail and that her hand and he told him that you slow down and read a proverb a day, so we got home from Mexico and Tim asked me if I would start reading the Bible with him and read a proverb talk about the rest of the changeup also says such as rosters to read the Bible with the guys there you go there's a challenge. So we should probably do some reading the New Testament woman. I was going to pastor or church for grief counseling is the same with my brother through his death and after four or five times he comes in and closes the door you talked about this. I can lose my job over this, and pastor Bill said you need to get this church to go find yourself a Jesus loving Bible teaching church the Lord in your life and it's a big calling is not here find it here so you got here while so when you think about our church goes on so we started to do it then so that at that point we had been we had said we are still drinking our wine and we had started reading the Bible I would write one so we decided we finally we finally said, you know, let's quit drinking for one month and in month as we quit drinking and reading the Bible. Things are starting to change. Like my eyes are opening up and I think because of the church background I had. We were so mired in sin that I can see anything I didn't never understood the Bible I would try to read it but reading it I mean I'm just feeling this huge change.

I am feeling night and we sat down a month later after we had spent and we were reading a proper rearing Psalms we start reading the Gospels and we just for like hungry and we sat down with a piece of paper at the end of the month in row of the good things about not drinking and that bad things about not drinking and we couldn't find anything that that was bad about not drinking.

Things were so good, so we decided we know which is not drinking it. We haven't drink now for nine and seven years and it just keeps getting better. So Jesus was so not drinking about three month KG concert. I realize I'm still full of anxiety not as bad as I was and not install but still a great mystery in God's world.

We went to a Christian concert with no prescription was a Christmas concert literally saved baptizer next year in the Lord: Richard first of all that's an amazing story. I believe it is that transformation in your lives led to a re-prioritization of everything about your lives. That has led to engagement in ministry where our paths crossed and where we've been working together.

This burden started you want to help other couples who were in distress the way you been in distress, in part, was working to change and you say what's going on. So tell us a little about that. So where were were going to church for going to all three services. Our kids think we become more men's conference where Tim starts talking about, you know, sharing her story and helping other couples. I'm hesitant because I didn't want to get up in front of people and share. I just I didn't like to talk and myself asked him if he would do it. I himself didn't quite work like that. So we did get our first first marriage class and I told him okay I will sit there with you. You can do it you can do all the talking out that there's life after the first night and we got the car that night and I started telling him what he should be going on and I know so started marriage ministry and got it got more and more that we were doing more and more, marriage, staff, and Tim was like this is this is what were going to do in and give me a call to bigger church and he really wanted to grow in my my thought was okay for you to do this we need to get some training so I googled marriage conferences. Christian marriage conferences and that's-we can to remember six years ago and I signed up for that and then I found I found that the cruise I signed up for that.

I didn't ask him is like and I said for going on a cruise. Well we got on the waitlist because it was full really goes to the catalyst conference action could result said I cannot believe all in the church how messed up people for meaning that there is infidelity in churches and by the leadership and that they'd gone through in short, about to step up week 50 so so we bring it to the church and the leadership and so we had this all planned out. Mount Pleasant got Laos and we go this we can remember thing and we find this thing called the art of marriage and I call her senior pastor Dave. I think this is a God thing, but there's something here that we I think we should be using not what we were going to use. I just think what you think is there's a guy thinks otherwise… Do it so we bought the stuff home and including the book stepping up and it is really change everything in the trajectory. What we've done and how how the Lord's work in and lasted and continues, the buses you guys have started doing regular Arctic marriage events and classes right right and we mainly do that. The small group six-week as a large group and so the first one we did with number 6061 couples the first time and then the room wasn't quite big enough so we kinda condensed it and what we do is we set it up in small groups, like a date night we had dinner and then Tim and I will share bits of our story and then will we had to week. I modeled it off the weekend to remember with the videos, and so we had some secular videos and and it's like two half hours and there's childcare provided and we have ongoing we do that a couple times a year we did 3×1st year we can do is one day and so probably close to 2000 people while not only in Eastern Washington. But you kids were in Aiken South Carolina. So we went down to a Canon didn't need that telehealth so this is just so I can, we did and so he walks into Starbucks as I got five minutes. Okay, so I told him what we did is okay so what's the cost and I said we don't church we are regarded in our marriage and we don't try we could never charge for any started weeping, he said my associate pastor and I just last week were saying we have to do something for marriages were just what to do and the worst part is we have no budget for last week paren so anyway 30 minutes later we were planning after five planning in our marriage is hundred couples there in last I heard they still have a marriage ministry going on in the church from from that one Saturday we were there, you have done marriage then you start taking guys stepping up series around 600 guys to stop. It's really easy to do. I love this stepping up thing well. Did you see the pictures that will get okay building that's been built so you built the ultimate man came to the man cave room. It's got some old cars in it and that Tim has groups the guy he's got Nalcor leadership group that he will he started that this is funny because he started it, and we're going shopping at Cosco and he's buying all the food in the next week were Cosco by all the food and I'm like why buying all the food all the time. Like why don't you delegate this to the guys which he gets all the meat for the guys and then they bring all that you know the chips and everything guys want and what I love about this what about this is the precursor to art of marriage because on. We ate yesterday, and he brings me and I get to tell the guys how cool it would be if they invited their grades to art of marriage because athletes should be instead of being in a church and now the art of marriage and the wife going like that you guys that have been learning how to step up and now they're going to invite their wives to art of marriage and so I love what he's doing. As you look at taken 600 guys through stepping up taking thousands of couples through our marriage. Now you're starting to think people through our parenting. Like I said, this is reprioritize your life to live with the last six years have been like for you guys for me a lot more what Christ said we do were doing everything with?

Is self so this is much more powerful… Meant to you. Well, it's just spent since the last last 67. Our life is totally changed. I mean a lot of people ask me how can you share what you share and it's like will were just not those people anymore and so we can share and people can come to us and share their stories and we know that there's hope. And we know.

I know when I sat and we can to remember it was the first conference that I went to that.

It was validated that he will were doing the right thing. We knew that the answer to create marriage, Jesus, and we had found it. So just reaffirming that were doing the right thing as love stories like this is listening to a conversation with our friends Tim and Kathy wish she was talking. I'm thinking of the listener who's going I could never be as transparent about the mess of our past because it's still too embarrassing, humiliating, shameful, all the words should attach to it. You felt some of that but you found your way past it to be open and transparent about your own marriage difficulties, and I know Kathy well and I know even with me.

When God can take our mass and he transforms that it can become our message, so you're not embarrassed to say this is what happened to me because God has done a real miracle and transformation in our lives and for Dave and me. It really has changed everything.

And so even sitting with Tim and Kathy at their home is a cell phone because there has to be a part of our life and so come and spend time with us every morning we sent me talk to God.

We pray we have our devotional. It was so fine because they are living it out every single day yeah I got a get the their breath of fresh air because they're so honest you can see where they been you can see the redemptive resurrection power of God in a couples life and that inspires others think we can have hope you think about this. What if thousand people listing would say no. We got a mouse like you said.

And if you got a mess you got a message.

What if they would say will find some way to connect with other couples and together we can work on our marriage.

As you guys just finished up last night session 2 of the three week vertical marriage online small group that you been doing and anybody can do that you can set up an online small group and get together virtually with people or actually step one. Now I'm hearing people say step one.

In starting to reengage with church is to do a small group meeting with 10 or fewer people in the living room and all appropriate distancing. So get a copy of the vertical marriage video series or the art of marriage or parenting the resources we put together her family life and get some other couples together and say coming out "we been going through multiple coming out of it right but coming out of everything. Here we need to make sure that the foundation is strong that our marriages are strong as we go forward. Go to family life today.com for information about the vertical marriage video series with David and Wilson about the art of marriage. Other resources we have available here at family life and think about how you can do it. Tim and Kathy Bush did just start to engage with others and say we have not done this perfectly were still not doing a perfectly but we need help and we need other people around us and we think it will benefit all of us. We do this together. Again, go to our website family like to.com for more information on the resources we have available if we can help you somehow know how to set up a virtual small group would be happy to do that again information is available online@familylifetoday.com or call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today and we want to ask you one other thing and that is can you help us over the next 70 days here in the month of May. We've had friends of the ministry who have come to us and said they will match every donation we received this month, dollar for dollar up to a total of $345,000.

As you might imagine, that's a significant opportunity for us at a time when the money would be extremely helpful. So if you are a longtime listener to family life today, would you consider making a donation knowing that that donation right now is good to be matched dollar for dollar.

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A certificate so you and your spouse can attend a weekend to remember marriage get away when those begin back up were planning to do that. This fall, Lord willing, and we'd love to see you at a getaway or you can pass on the gift card to someone else you know you'd like to get the weekend away to a friend or two. Maybe one of your adult children. It's easy to donate or to become a legacy partner go to family life today.com and the information is available there or call us at one 800 F. L. Today we can get you all set up over the phone. Anyone who donates today or becomes a new legacy partner would like to send you as a thank you gift a copy of Barbara Rainey's new book, my heart ever is wonderful collection of players that I think you can find very encouraging. As you get this beautiful new book again. It's our thank you gift when you donate today by going online@familylifetoday.com or by calling 1-800-358-6329 2000 F as in family L as in life, and the word today. Thanks in advance for whatever you're able to do and thanks for helping us take advantage of the matching gift opportunity now will be of great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together somehow this weekend and I hope you can join us on Monday. That's memorial day here in the United States were to talk about what a husband can do when his wife doesn't trust him anymore. Trust has been with us for that today entire broadcast on behalf of our hosts Dave and Wilson.

See you next time for another family life today. Family life today is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas ministry help for today hope for tomorrow