Love Is Humble

At the root of virtually all sin is pride and that pride can manifest itself in a variety of ways.

In marriage, Dave Wilson remembers there was a pattern early in their marriage that was evidence of Clyde and his wife and I had never ever one time heard her admit she was wrong when she admitted I might will allow it stop and I wrote down November 10 19 I like you just omitted the first time ever there was narrative pridefulness. I was raised in a family that we were winners. I never heard my dad apologized to lose an argument so I thought I could never do this is family life today hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob Levine pride and love can't coexist. So pride is thriving in the marriage, love always be diminished today about dealing with and welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us. You guys have like a song that was your song is a one if it comes on the radio.

Did you look at each other like that's her song. That's it.

There's a lot of Bob, I don't think we have is one we have some memories. What would be one song if it came on the radio you guys would look at each other with that knowing that's that's our song.

That's one of our song. I have mine and mine. You have a I want to know what hers is good.

The matter what I think you have one of my had a different one that I guarantee she's thinking about what you think.

I'll end you hate you Tariq. Why is that why is that what your son our first year of marriage we were in athletes in action summer came here taking biblical classes in the evening wearing these dorm rooms all these married couples living in dorm rooms without air-conditioning. It was so hot you couldn't get this cup of ice and pour it on the bed, which is ridiculous and we just laid in it like Dave started singing page you just be one this moment to moment that I really did, which is sort of fun and that's my wife she's like making some good bad situation. So I'm like to do so and she joins in. We start singing in Christian radio and careful that's about John. It's about page units of biblical book in the Bible right about the book you don't know you're in a band in high school right yeah I was in a band in high school, so this goes deep with us different decades maybe thanks for bring about what song were you thinking about. As the song that was your song. Well, you know, Sagan same man I want to hold you so I would do different decades than the one she really would object to a 51 would be people is so so we get to the course and that would look these songs while being wonderful nostalgic love songs.

I think this shape the way all of us tend to think about your absolutely right. I mean we think about it in terms of romance we think about in terms of passion we think about it in terms of the how we feel the special feeling that comes up, but the Bible points us in a different direction when it comes to love well that just made everybody else down here in the Bible doesn't want that because I read song of Solomon. Okay, it's that the Bible says it's bigger it's deeper it's more than just those things. And if we think it's only those things then we find ourselves may be experiencing some of that and then wondering where did the love go open the next day were not in those magic moments right. What we need yes is book on God's perspective on love to me like a limit came out earlier this month. So yes, I finished the book earlier this year that is just now out called love like you mean it, where we look at first Corinthians 13 and look at how that applies to the marriage relationship.

There are characteristics listed in verses four through seven that describe love of all the verses marriage on love agape love. Why this verse I write these verses well because these verses give us.

I think the most compact comprehensive look at how were to understand love and Jesus is the one who said you want to know how to boil up the whole Bible.

When I said what's the most important thing he said what simple you've said it three times a day in prayer. Ever since you were little. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. That's the Shema, and then he says, but there's a second one looks like unto it new quotes from Leviticus and says it's love your neighbor as you love yourself and loving God and loving your neighbor is not about romantic feelings or about passion.

It's about the hard work of love. If Jesus says all of the law and the prophets can be summed up in these two verses than what that tells me is that love is the foundation of everything that were to be about as Christians and so we better get a Masters degree. Maybe a PhD in love in these verses are a PhD in love and you know it is interesting what you know. Had some fun with some love songs that everyone of those really whether they know it or not come out of the real definition of love, which is God's love third extension of that they may not even get close to the understanding of it, but it's man's attempt to sell want to sing about it. I want to write poetry about it.

I want to experience it never even know.

In the center of that love is the heart of God. You explain the different types of love like in the Bible tell us what those are. Again, this was really interesting because II didn't know this until I really dove in and started to study, but CS Lewis wrote a book called the four loves years ago and he talks about the four different Greek words for love and so the Greek word for losses. The word that means brotherly love, brotherly affection for one another. Store Gaia's family love Aeros is romantic or sexual love and then the word agape is the word that we've heard that describes the kind of self-sacrificing committed self emptying love conditional. That's the word that's used here in first Corinthians 13 here's what I didn't know JI Packer says that this word was essentially a New Testament invention.

He said you look at Greek literature and this idea of selfless, self-sacrificing love is not something that the Greeks or the Romans talked about but Christians looked at Jesus and said we have to have a word to describe what we've just seen and agape is the word that describes the kind of love that was demonstrated by Jesus.

We did have a word for this, until Jesus came along and modeled for us what this love looks like that and here's what I just connected another's connect or not but is it true because I've actually preached this, that the word in English excruciating excruciating pain is a word that comes out of the cross of Jesus. The painting with through a word that was invented based on that. So think about the connection there the way God proved agape love was the excruciating pain a son with through and across sacrificially and calls us to do the same thing to lay down our lives for one another Jesus model for something we've never seen before and when people thought about God, his love was not what first came to mind. They would think about his awesomeness is holiness is creative power.

He is the most high God. He is the great God far above this holy, so the idea that God's lovingkindness is better than life was a new idea.

The idea that there would be a God who so loved his creation that he gave his only son, none of the Roman pagan gods would ever do anything like that. None. None of the other devotees of the other tribes would do anything like this. This is a unique characteristic of God to demonstrate love in a sacrificial way and we as Christians came up with a word, and said that's agape love. That's a self emptying self-sacrificing kind of love.

That's what's at the core of this passage, and when we get that in marriage and can say yes Aeros is Feynman and brotherly affection is fine. Those are good things. I'm not saying those don't belong in a marriage. I'm just saying if there's not a foundation of agape foundation of of committed self-sacrificing unconditional love than all the rest of that is like frosting with no cake and it may take suite for a moment that'll make you sick to your stomach. After a while, we've Artie talked about previously with you. Love is patient first Corinthians 13, love is kind. Right. Let's talk today because this is one that again. You would not initially think of putting this in is a description of love but it's beautiful in verse four of chapter 13. Love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant to define this for us. While this is the opposite of who we are. So arrogance is the default setting for every human being.

We are all born addicted to self we are all born with self interest as the operating principle from which we function and self protective right weight. We are all asking the question what would please me, what would make me happy. What would keep me safe.

What benefits me.

So every decision we make. That's our default on some people may be saying what's wrong with that is protecting ourselves, let it and it's okay to be aware of threats and bodily harm. I mean I'm not saying no you, you could be oblivious to that but when you're default setting is what pleases me. Then everybody else is just around for your benefit right and and this is where I think in a marriage. We've got to recognize that the thing that makes a marriage work is not am I happy in this marriage or are you happy in this marriage. The thing that makes a marriage work is is God happy with our marriage and when we start to make that our focus and we say God is happy in her marriage when we are sacrificing to serve one another. Now all of a sudden we have a whole different purpose and understanding of marriage, he sat down at the young couple about to get married and you saw that one of them with very selfish and maybe even narcissistic would that be a red flag. Would you say something huge red flag and I think you have to say something.

I've talked with young couples have said the young women watch how your fiancé treats his mother and if he treats her with respect and treats her with courtesy and honors her, then that's a good sign that he's going to do the same thing for you, but if he disregards his mom if he dismisses her.

That's a good indicator that someday he's gonna feel the same way about you. I think we have to look at how fundamentally self-centered.

Are we recognizing again. That's the default for all of us. When that becomes so dominant in our lives that it controls everything we do.

Yet there should be huge red flags that go up, which you know begs the question if that's our default setting.

How you how to get reset as I know if you would ask and you can masquerade now me and when when we started dating. That's the word, and it highlighted, I wasn't interested in Dave Wilson because I thought he was arrogant she was completely wrong.

Of course know it was at the world-renowned around 10 that worried me. I thought what would it be like to marry him if everything's about it so messy to question why she start date may something changed.

There's an old joke about somebody ask of a wife how how is it that you stayed married for so long to this man and she said well we have this in common. We both love the same person and and when that's the case in a marriage when when that is the default setting and we act out of that default setting. It sends us toward isolation. So the reset for arrogance is to understand what's true about you based on what the Bible says about you is what the Bible says about you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are an image bearer of God, you are just a little lower than the angels, I mean there are these wonderful things your worth is established at the top of creation God puts humanity and says this is my great creation. So you have incredible worth. God also says that you are wicked and sinful and self focused and just like Adam and Eve in the garden, you say I know what God says but I think my way is better.

And that's what the Bible defines as sin. That's rebellion against God and his ways, and anybody who is focused in life on saying I think I know what's the right thing to do all the time and nobody can teach me anything and were to operate based on what I thinks the right thing to do there going to be in for a long, hard road the way to reset is to humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and he will exalt you in due time. That's what the Bible says so God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. So we have to humbly go before God and and confess Lord I think too highly of myself. I remember doing this in my college years where you arrogant sure I was yeah yeah and then somebody called me out. Actually guy sat down with me and he would been at a summer camp. I was one of the counselors at the summer camp and the camp leader pulls me aside middle of the week and he says that we been praying for you this week. What they said you just always want the spotlight on you. Don't you and I thought what you don't even know me right I mean we know he total for four days and all of a sudden your your drawing always conclusions about me and then I remember back in away and said okay God was that you speak and to me through him or is that just this guy and he's off base and and God said, not let's me and I I went away going he was right, I've got an issue with pride with arrogance with wanting to be in the spotlight and then I spent about a year and here's what I found when I would say to people yeah I'm really wrestling with with pride and with being self focused. I found they were like oh man, I thought this were networks yeah I can get Laura to humble break yeah if I'd kind of if I'm doing the whole humble thing. People will really think I'm more spiritual, so I'm there is probably a good year just twisted a little exactly where I'm getting the attention by pretending to be home. Well when I didn't have that part. I didn't necessarily need to spotlight but when I realized after we were married a while I realized I would make a mistake and I had a really hard time apologizing and admitting that I was wrong. I wrote down on paper, the date this is how long we don't know where he married you sleeping like a couple, and I have never ever one time heard her admit she was wrong and when she admitted I might hello it stop and I wrote it down. November 10 19 I like you just admitted the first time ever there is a pridefulness and I think that that's very similar.

I was raised in a family that we were winners.

I never heard my dad apologized to lose an argument that you are weak and so I thought I could never do so. You were raised in a culture like ancient Rome because pride was considered a virtue in ancient Rome. Humility was considered a weakness.

So the ancient Romans would never stand up and and exalt somebody by saying is very humble person that would've been a slander against that person. But the apostle Paul in Romans writes and says, by the grace given to me. I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think what to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God is assigned a sober assessment that means I'm aware of my gifts and my strengths but I don't exalt myself. Based on those things. I'm aware that God gave those to me and I'm to steward those and use those for his glory. And I'm no more special, and anybody else just because I have a particular gift that than someone else has a different Guildhall's words were radical they were in contact yeah and their radical in the context of marriage – I'll tell you story Marian came to me we been dating for a couple years and she said you know what would be good. We should memorize some Scripture together and I said to her, that's a great idea that I was thinking, why would you memorize if you need it. It's in the Bible you just go look it up by 20 memorize Scripture. But I said that's a great idea because were dating, get on so you you lied each other when you're dating like this and I said did you have any particular verses in mind and she said I was thinking we should memorize like a chapter and I said wow and I'm thinking are you out of your mind a whole chapter who memorizes a chapter in the Bible, but I said wow because were dating I said did you have a chapter in mind. She said yes I did.

She said I thought we could memorize Philippians chapter 2 and I thought I'd nodded like oh yeah, and I'm thinking is that I don't know that I'm three versus in and I read do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility regard one another is more important than yourself, and then it goes on to say, don't look out merely for your own interests, but also for the interests of others and have this mind in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although he existed as God did not regard equality with God is something I can't do the whole chapter. Because of such good versus I'm convinced in every marriage.

If a husband and wife would apply. Philippians 23 and would say I'm in a do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility, regard you as more important than me how long you think we can get. If you think we could go here you know any hours you can do that on your own strength.

If you're really good for maybe a week right. That's if you're really good, but you can do that in the power of the spirit day in and day out, and when you stumble, you can correct them and you can go back US.

What's our default setting.

How we reset.

You go back to the reset the spiritual reset that God does when he brings new life to us and you go back and say that's common to live my life I will live my life, not with arrogance that with empty conceit, but with humility, so you're more important than me. If husbands and wives were arguing know you're more important to know your more important how bad what a marriage is. I mean I do.

I do think one of the first if not the first thing Christ does in your life when you surrender fully to Christ is, he resets the selfishness. That's where he starts it is like the title. Your chapter. Chapter 4 it's not about me. That's where he starts first because that's the sin nature at the core.

It's always been about me. It's like no.

From now on is not about you it's about me and about others and so you bring that into a marriage.

It's transformative and I think you have to reset that button every day and I think that button starts with first surrendering everything to Jesus, not a hard place to go because that pride gets in the way our arrogance.

Do I really want him to have full control and I think for at least for me that's in my life really began to change. I think if you look at most couples who are in conflict who are in isolation in marriage you find arrogance there you find pride there. You find somebody who's saying I don't care. I deserve this. I don't deserve this high so I is the next word.

When people say why are you dissatisfied with your marriage. The next word is I I'm not getting what I expect or deserve and if we can start to say okay that's not insignificant right were not trying to say that doesn't matter, but we are trying to say is let's ask the question first. How do we make this a marriage that God rejoices in because when you're in a marriage where God is rejoicing your to be rejoicing right if you love Jesus and you're in a marriage where God is pleased you're delighted whatever the circumstances, you're delighted because God is pleased with your marriage and so that's where I think we gotta get to. I gotta tell you guys. It's been encouraging and old.

The book love like you mean it has been out for less than a month now, but I'm already hearing back from people who have gotten copies of this and have written me to say we are thinking differently about love. As a result of going through this book. This has deepened our understanding of what our relationship is supposed to look like and be like, it's so encouraging for me as an author to get that kind of feedback and course.

That's my prayer in writing this book is that there would be many couples who would benefit from looking at what the Scriptures have to say about what real love looks like. And then beginning to learn how to make that a part of the fabric of your life.

The book were talking about is love like you mean it, and if you don't already have a copy you can go to family life today.com to order yours or call us at one 800 FL today.

Again, the title of the book is love like you mean it. I know we have a cruise with that same name. So the cruise does cut coupled with the book but II borrowed the name for the book because that's what this book is all about.

What's the right way to love again order online@familylifetoday.com or call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today here at family life. Our whole reason for being is to help strengthen marriages and families to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe the godly marriages and families can change the world one home at a time and so every day. On this program the resources we make available are all about bringing you practical, biblical help and hope for your marriage and for your family and along with the book love like you mean it. We've got a free resource we want to make available to you. That's all about taking your marriage from good to great. This is all content were opening up online couple of video courses were opening up online, one that will help you understand the differences between men and women, Jeff and Chante felt Hon provide that there's another one on resolving conflict from the art of marriage. There's a message from Dr. Julie Slattery about resolving conflict and what what's the right way to do that so that conflict resolution can be a win-win for messages from Paul David Tripp and Bodie Baucom and Gary Chapman and there are downloadable conversation starters for the two of you to help strengthen the foundation of your relationship. That's what the taking your marriage from good to great resource is all about, and as an added incentive to help you get engaged with this content. Once you've downloaded it, you're automatically eligible to draw one name from everybody who downloads this somebody is gonna come to family life and sit in on the family life today recording session and then have dinner that night with Dave and Ann Wilson. So, to be eligible go to our website. Family life today.com and sign up for the take your marriage from good to great downloadable resource.

No purchase necessary. The contest ends August 14.

Restrictions apply. Official rules can be found@familylife.com/good contest that tomorrow we want to talk about how important it is for husbands and wives to pursue godliness and righteousness in their own lives and in their marriage because for love to thrive. You have to be actively working against unrighteousness.

Talk more about that tomorrow. Join us for that think our engineer today.

Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson and Bob Lapine see you back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is the production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas. Accrue ministry help for today hope for tomorrow