Money in Marriage: It’s a Matter of Value with Shaunti Feldhahn

What would you call a marriage where spouses see “eye to eye” about money? Some might call it bliss.

It’s true that most couples at least occasionally quarrel about their finances. But could a better understanding of each other’s values help spouses avoid that bickering? Shaunti Feldhahn thinks so, and she joins us today to talk about it.

Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard graduate, former Wall Street analyst, social researcher, best-selling author, as well as a prominent public speaker. She is the co-author of Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself with her husband, Jeff, and has written several books with him revealing impactful truths about relationships at home and in the workplace.

A Lesson Learned Over Dinner

Shaunti and her husband, Jeff, learned this lesson early in their marriage. Living in New York, they often ate out due to their demanding schedules. However, a seemingly small issue—ordering a Diet Coke—would trigger recurring arguments. Jeff, concerned about their financial future and mounting student loan debt, saw the expense as unnecessary, while Shaunti viewed it as a simple enjoyment that enhanced her meal.

It wasn't until years later, during their research for their book Thriving in Love & Money, that they realized their conflict stemmed from differing values. Jeff prioritized financial security, while Shaunti valued the experience and enjoyment of a meal. Once they uncovered this, they could better communicate and honor each other's perspectives.

The Root of Money Conflicts in Marriage

Financial disagreements often arise because couples fail to recognize and respect each other's values. In Shaunti and Jeff’s national study, they found that:

• 67% of couples in financial conflicts believe their perspective is the logical one.
• Couples often perceive their spouse’s spending habits as irrational simply because they prioritize different things.

For example, one spouse might see value in spending money on a gym membership for networking and health benefits, while the other might believe household essentials from Costco are a better use of resources. The key takeaway? Neither perspective is wrong—both are rooted in deeply held values.

The Power of Communication

The solution to money conflicts isn’t just budgeting or financial planning; it’s communication. It’s crucial that couples discuss not just what they want to spend money on, but why it matters to them.

By having open and honest conversations about financial priorities, couples can:

• Build mutual understanding and trust.
• Find compromises that respect both perspectives.
• Create a financial plan that aligns with their shared goals and values.

While couples can work through these issues on their own, it can be very beneficial to seek guidance from financial advisors—especially those with a biblical perspective. Kingdom Advisors, for example, are trained to address not just the numbers, but the relational and spiritual aspects of money management.

Advisors can help couples navigate tough conversations, align their financial goals with their values, and ultimately steward their resources in a way that honors God and strengthens their marriage.

At the heart of every financial decision in marriage lies an opportunity—to foster unity rather than division. God cares just as much about the marriage as He does about the finances. By understanding and honoring each other’s values, couples can turn money from a source of conflict into an instrument of peace and purpose.

Faithful Steward: FaithFi’s New Quarterly Publication

To dive deeper into this topic, read Shaunti Feldhahn’s full article in the first edition of Faithful Steward, FaithFi’s new quarterly publication. Receive your copy delivered to your mailbox every quarter by becoming a FaithFi partner with a monthly gift of $35 or an annual contribution of $400. Learn more at FaithFi.com/give.

On Today’s Program, Rob Answers Listener Questions:

• I'm 65 years old and have a traditional IRA with a little over $1 million. I'm wondering if I should start converting some of that traditional IRA to a Roth IRA since I'll be required to take required minimum distributions (RMDs) when I turn 73.
• My husband is not a believer and doesn't believe in tithing; he thinks it's a scam. I tithe 10% and save 10%, but he won't give any of his money to the church. How can I help him understand that giving to the church is not a scam and can be a blessing?

Resources Mentioned:

• Faithful Steward: FaithFi’s New Quarterly Publication
• Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn
• Master Your Money: A Step-by-Step Plan for Experiencing Financial Contentment by Ron Blue with Michael Blue
• Look At The Sparrows: A 21-Day Devotional on Financial Fear and Anxiety
• Rich Toward God: A Study on the Parable of the Rich Fool
• Find a Certified Kingdom Advisor (CKA) or Certified Christian Financial Counselor (CertCFC)
• FaithFi App

Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on the Moody Radio Network and American Family Radio. Visit our website at FaithFi.com where you can join the FaithFi Community and give as we expand our outreach.