Creating a Relational Legacy, Part 3

No how can I know that a relationship that I have for some time maybe coming to an end. Whether it's a friendship and acquaintance relationship. How do you know when this relationship has run its course, or it needs to in me just give you a few possible indicators in the day, you still gotta prayerfully seek out what the Lord wants you to do a few possible indicators relationship may need to in hello and welcome to this Friday addition of Destin for victory with pastor Paul Sheppard and a very special guest. His wife Meredith earlier this week, Pastor Paul and Meredith showed us some examples of relationships, it ended, either permanently or temporarily. Those examples, it was understood that that was the will of God today, instead of showing you the going to do some telling. Stay with us now say tell you how you can record in your own life when it's time for a relationship to be sure to visit Pastor Paul.net to listen any of Pastor Paul's recent messages on demand. That's Pastor Paul.you can also listen to or subscribe to the Destin victory podcast. That's modify Apple podcast work wherever you get podcast right now is join Pastor Paul and Meredith Sheppard for today's Destin for victory message creating a relational legacy.

This is our final installment of the fireside chat hope you been enjoying it from all the feedback it's been really really helpful, great, great feedback that they said we love this practical stuff because it's what helps us become the people God has called us to be and so this is our final installment in that the series has been entitled keeping the end in mind, and it's based on Psalm 90 verse 10 and 12. My wife will read those verses force 70 years 80 years only labor & now for all and we fly away so teach us to number our days, that we may gain a high of what we been doing is talking about. Given the fact that we all have limited time we want to make sure that we keep the end in mind. And of course no one is guaranteed to know when you're leaving this earth so you not guaranteed 70 or 80 years. It's Moses who wrote this passage simply said, that seems to be typical as he looked at the lifespan in his day. The reality is we can leave here today or tomorrow.

There is no guarantees. You want to live your whole life keeping the end in mind and we are now talking about how to create a relational legacy. We want to in the series on relational legacy.

Now let me first say that some things we mentioned last week sparked some questions and some folks want to know how you know how can I know that a relationship that I've had for some time maybe coming to an end. Whether it's a friendship and acquaintance relationship.

How do you know when this relationship has run its course. It needs to in just give me a few possible indicators in the day, you still gotta prayerfully seek out what the Lord wants you to do. Here are a few possible indicators relationship may need to in number one the person's words and actions are more negative than positive. If you got somebody who was always bringing negativity to you. Every conversation is not a good helpful conversation you're not edified you're not blessed in some cases your flat out depressed, then that might be a good reason. Second one you feel worse, not better.

After spending time with this person. When you leave me.

I feel worse than when you showed up to now you know so you think through something and one more possible indicator you find yourself ignoring their taxes not returning their calls, not one make time to spend with the person. If you find yourself looking on the phone is then you need to properly evaluate is this person playing the right role in my life and so you just prayerfully work it out. We talk about those things that late last week and get into it and pass to make sure we do school talking about friendships, not marriage. Absolutely and tell him he no first lady and you now have no not not going happen that way all right here in this fireside chat we got 40 minutes we we want make good ground. Let's wrap up this check by examining three topics. Here's the first one addressing pain from your past, you can have great current relationships until you work through the problems of past relationships and when it comes to past problems from the past relationship or any relationship, past marriages past friendship being parented things that happen to you when you're a kid when you are a preteen up teenager, whatever romantic relationships gone really wrong and bad any relationship you can't move forward.

Right until you address the pain of your past. Some people like to just say it's over. But it's not over till it's down with you all understand that some of us are still carrying pain from 20 3040 years ago doesn't believe it's not like one of the biggest lies.

You will hear it heals all wounds. I have no healing agent. If you don't deal with things right. All is makes it worse. Why because you're moving on, but it's still there and if you don't properly deal with an infection you say it'll go away. No is eating something on the inside, and it might very well come back in a much worse form. So we have to deal with our stuff from the past and I want to make sure that you understand you gotta stop and deal with that beforehand, I want to give you just a quick scriptural example, some of you are aware of this guy is only mentioned in two verses in the whole Bible. His name is Jabez first Chronicles chapter 4 verses nine and 10 here's what you'll sleep now.

Jabez was more honorable than his brothers and his mother called his name Jabez saying because I bore him in pain.

Verse 10 and Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying all that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory that your hand would be with me and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain.

And the Lord granted his request to those two verses tell you it tells you a whole lot if you dig in this boys mama all and maybe pop would they got together on it, but his parents decided to name him based on a problem he caused that one his fall when your mama have trouble bringing you here. She had no business being manager once you get here. I went down the door, you got me all the all together and decided I was coming or you didn't go to the drugstore. You didn't decide what I was coming anyway and that you had trouble the birth is not my fault.

Some all have been imperative in Rome because your parents took out stuff on you that wasn't for but guess what, even though they left you with that legacy you got to decide what to do with it and that's why I want to point this out as just the biblical example of the fact that we have to address pain from our past Jabez and I'm sick of being called pain or start school and is therefore about a given a name that allows it to pay. I hope you had that stuff so please understand the problems of the past didn't disappear because of time you got to address them. It's important to remember we heard that saying so many times hurting people hurt people. Sometimes it's the unresolved issues and unhealed places in your psyche and your soul cause you to be a pattern just dysfunctional behavior thinking so we as believers can go to God. It says in Psalms 147 and verse three he heals the brokenhearted and binds that there wounds you've got to involve God in the healing process because you don't always get the resolution in the healing that you seek or desire, when you deal with the person that caused the pain. Sometimes they are not in a position to help you work through or they may not only what they have died. So you've got to involve the Lord. He is the great physician. It says all the old folks say he's a hike that and a mind regulator. So we've got to have our hikes bound up where they are broken and we need a renewed mind to start thinking in a renewed and a reformed way so that we can break the cycle of pain and abuse, and notice what Jabez did. He was saddled with that name, and he lived with it for years and years, but at a certain point.

Verse 10 he says. He says Lord I mean you to get involved in this.

I need you to walk me out on the limitation in label that my parents put on me now you know some of us I have lived and were now adults but still lived with limitations in label. Somebody put on you. Some of you it wasn't your parents. It was some significant other. Somebody you got involve women once they started trying to control you and control people control you by trying to put a label on you and if you own it, you will live up to it and you ain't nothing you thought I was soft enough to be in a relationship with me what you're trying to do is control and billing me and it's up to you to decide that labels are not going to live any longer in your life and limitations that people put on. You simply don't apply so it would Jabez that he asked the Lord to bless them by blessing him indeed.

That means Lord blessed me big time. Bless me big time.

I want you to give me a blessing Lord so much. So instead of me as I move forward in my life expand my territory, expand my story and he said, Lord, and I don't want to continue to cause pain. I want to be a blessing everywhere I go I want to be so blessed. I'm conspicuously blessed Arab. I know I'm next. The rest of today's destined for victory message with pastor Paul Sheppard.

We want to thank all of you whose prayers and financial support help pastor Paul share the gospel all over the world. Your donations do make a difference. So as God leads prayerfully consider making a generous gift to destined for victory today.

It'll sometimes God can heal her past relational wounds miraculously but more often than not. He works through other people to get the job done.

This joint pastor Paul and Meredith for the second half of today's destined for victory message creating a relational legacy. Now my wife brought up the fact that some of us have to deal by dealing with the pain of the past.

We have to do something that doesn't come native to the natural, you gotta get this out the spiritual which is to forgive some of us have been abused or neglected or otherwise harmed by people in our past. Whoever those people were and you're going to have to intentionally get help to work through that and to forgive them. God will help you work through it. Good friend and a good therapist a good pastor.

Somebody can help you work through some of those things and you need to do that Christians stop acting like God has to do everything when he's put different things and callings in the body of Christ that help you. It is God what is God through people who can help you. We have no business being anti-therapist anymore than where anti-position. If you need operation and you don't get the divine healing believe that God will remove it.

He can, but if you remove it supernaturally leading remove it naturally. The gifting of positions and what they have learned to help you get better is when it's all because something that's been perpetuated in the African American community that seem to stick my seeking out the need to get good therapist unique folks. Jan need to go see a good therapist living my best game that comes with seeking out help. We can't do everything on our own. You get help for everything you go get your hand on you and your nails did you know you find help for when you're you go to the doctor you let people treat you go to bed. We had to think you should bring you issues psychological issues deep-seated social issues. Sometimes you just need therapist to help that I'm not the lots and free you and liberate you I told you time and time again. I had a wonderful therapist. Up until a few months ago because she retired these issues especially deeply rooted and long-standing and you can't work it out on your own about yourself in prayer, Jesus and therapy is an awesome combination. So some of you will have to forgive you, really.

You literally are not going to be good for relationships. Moving forward, all the relations we've been going about the past to session. You will be good in any of them. If you are carrying the baggage of unforgiveness.

So you mean you say was that my relationships now. It has everything to with them until you get healed, you're going to be a broken person trying to be in a good relationship and good relationships require people who are working on their stuff all y'all guys stuff about a guy stuff nobody noted on the bike and certainly not me. If you think you don't have stuff you guys stuff you just showed up. I think you don't have any.

Some of us need good to build a friendship and one of things I've said it a lot but let me say one of the good good traits of a friend that you let in and say look your job is to be iron sharpening recording the proper use motivate me sharper, better, so don't let me trip and I don't know what when you see me trip and say some you my friend though Santa Clara body just comes like a four minute take me aside is that you trip unit so we all have people tell you about yourself because anybody who tried to tell you, you shunned the you said yourself that's not negative. Not everybody who cuts you with negative say what you mean and that's negative on Dr. with a scalpel that's positive because I would need to go and then they go to get me back together and I'm better off than I was before. This is good to be throwing money whatever I one more thing about forgiveness will I do about people who are defiant to try tell slightly offended you. We talked in the first session about, you know, Matthew 18 going show you offended your whatever going show tell them very plainly what they did.

Now you have some folk who are defiant and I got my face never run into. If you have people live. Some people in denial. No, I never did that.

You can tell them an exact incident in his people tell me me something didn't happen that I'm explaining to them, so you knew people were defiant in denial or have total disregard. There are those people to set it and look like they were in a fight. What you do pastor with those kinds of people you release them to forgive the Greek word, forgive means to sin. So what do I do when I forgive my sins what, when will I send something where people are denying it, or defiant or whatever I send it to God that still forgiveness. I don't forgive you if you are me and you won't even admit you hurt me. I will look at you and say I forgive you. I have never given anybody who didn't say they did some wrong.

That's a waste. Forgiveness is a gift. I only did I give the people who asked for. I'm sorry. Would you please give me your butt is and on my face. I still send it, instead of sending it to them. I sent it to God. When you get a pass I got from Jesus.

Jesus on the cross and father what forgive them why they don't know what they're doing to the grave he said father forgive them is going to lean down say I forgive all y'all what you talk to the father forgive them because they don't know what. Later on, the first Christian martyr Stephen being stoned what he knew before he died he said father lay not this sin to their charge so you can always forgive if I can give you the gift because in order for you to get it. You got repent and people who are hurting you, I forgive you. Sorry you saw, so you gotta make sure to send it somewhere. Send it to God. Description the chapter 4 and verse 14, the great apostle Paul said to a young Timothy Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil he did me much harm. And then he said the Lord will repay him for what he has done.

He was pointing out a problem person toxic person and he didn't say Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil will be fixed it do to get him to do that sometimes.

And I flashback the response. That's how we feel that the Lord will pay him back through repay him for what he has done so it's not a matter of letting someone off the hook.

Send the offense the way God will handling the first of the three things we want to talk about this is fireside chat that'll help you address pain from the past. It's true that past wounds can sometimes cause us to build walls of self protection in our present relationships.

Remember when you build walls to keep other people out there also keeping yourself in it when you do, you can't be in the will of God.

At the same time. If you need prayer today for a current relationship that needs healing or for any reason at all the destined for victory ministry team would like to join you in prayer from the homepage of Pastor Paul.net use the contact feature.

Let us know how we can pray for you and while you're there, be sure to ask for pastor Paul's monthly letter of encouragement.

Yours, at no cost or obligation in appreciation of your generous gift today. Pastor Paul will send you a booklet that goes hand-in-hand with the messenger hearing creating a relational legacy.

Pastor Paul and Meredith spent three days talking about what God says about how we can improve and strengthen our personal relationships. And that's the message you heard today and will continue to hear.

This booklet highlights the major themes in that message. It's called creating a relational legacy is our gift to you this month by request for your generous gift to destined for victory. Just call us at 855-339-5500 or visit Pastor Paul.net to make a safe and secure donation online or fill your gift to destined for victory PO Box 1767, Fremont, CA 94538 once again the addresses destined for victory.

Box 1767, Fremont, CA 94538. Your life is not over because somebody else die or somebody hurts you. You gotta move forward with your life so we do to move on. We resolve to make up your mind know I just feel so horrible to some, that's next time it Pastor Paul and Meredith shepherds message creating a relational legacy but until then, remember he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion in Christ, you are destined for victory