What Are the Most Important Elements of a Godly Marriage?

One of the most important elements of a godly marriage that's just one of the questions will be answering on today's addition of core Christianity hi this is Bill Meyer along with Pastor Adrian Sanchez and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. You can call us right now with your question.

At 833. The core that's 1-833-843-2673 and you can email us with your question at questions at core, Christianity.com first up today. A good news story to share with you during this time of coronavirus, a Massachusetts-based nonprofit is giving away wedding gowns to healthcare heroes in communities across the country brides across America, which is known for giving away wedding dresses to military women and first responders has broadened the group that it serves there now offering free wedding dresses to healthcare professionals who are working to save the lives of COBIT 19 patients and if you know someone who is a doctor or nurse or an EMT and they are planning on getting married they can learn more at the brides across America website that so cool Bill not speaking a marriage on today's program were to be focusing on marriage during the past couple weeks we been encouraging you to submit your questions on marriage and will be answering those today but before we get into that April can you explain why the Christian model of marriage is so unique and special. Will you let me will ultimately it points us to not to point us to the relationship that exists between Christ and the church. Paul talked about this in Ephesians 5 you want to look at what a healthy godly marriage is supposed to be like it's supposed to be like that relationship of love, sacrificial love, submission, care, affection in those things that we see in Scripture in it ultimately is that love that God has for his people know this is wonderful verse in the book of Hebrews in Hebrews chapter 13 verse four it says let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled that word there honor it. It's oftentimes used in the New Testament to refer to something that is precious value to think of costly stones or something like that marriage is something that Scripture values its precious. The sad reality. Bill is in our culture today in our society. It seems like marriage is being devalued more and more and so it's really important for us to understand Christian marriage ultimately what what it is that God calls us to in our relationships according to what the Scriptures teach what one of the things that I see all over the place right now is people who say things like, well, I just don't feel like I'm in love with my spouse anymore and end date. Use that as a grounds for separating or even divorce. I love what CS Lewis said in mere Christianity in his chapter on Christian marriage. He said love as being distinct from being in love is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit reinforced by Christian marriages.

The grace which both partners ask and receive from God can have this love for each other.

Even at those moments when they do not like each other as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself, they can retain this love even when each would easily if they allow themselves be in love with someone else being in love. Lewis rights first move them to promise fidelity, but this quieter. Love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run. Being in love with the explosion that started it, isn't that so beautiful. Bill is its love is deeper than a feeling it's this commitment that's rooted in God's word God's grace and and were deriving strength from the Holy Spirit, from the grace that God gives to each of us to love each other as we should. I love what CS Lewis says in that book. By the way we stub a few copies of CS Lewis's book. We would love to send you for a donation of any amount your core, Christianity.com and as we mentioned before. In addition talk about marriage. He really gets into all the core tenets of the faith and hope she really to defend your faith as well. So if you have an interest in that get in touch with us@corechristianity.com/offers. Let's get to our first question of the day.

This one comes from Julie, and she says I'm not married yet and sometimes I wonder if it's worth all the trouble. My parents went through a really difficult divorce and I keep hearing similar stories for my friends, my boyfriend wants us to move in together and even though some friends from church are telling me not to. I don't know how I'm supposed to get to know anyone well enough to married him if we don't live together. First, I really don't want to go through what my parents did. Plus moving in together makes financial sense. Sometimes it seems like the idea of marriage is just a stressful burden on our relationship, especially when were already committed to each other.

Marriage won't change any of that. So why do it. Hey Julie, I'm so sorry for the trauma you experienced to your parents divorce.

I totally understand your question. If we didn't have examples of loving marriages growing up.

Sometimes the temptation is to think well is it worth it. I mean if all life experiences pain and betrayal and broken promises. I don't want to put myself through that. That's not what God intends for marriage. Marriage is supposed to be. As I said a beautiful and life-giving depiction of the relationship that exists between Christ and the church. Their selfless love and commitment, and frankly, I think we live in a world that needs that more than ever, but not everyone is called to be married, and that's another truth all actually seem to discourage it in some regard in first Corinthians chapter 7, not because it wasn't a gift from God, but because he knew that there is a certain amount of work that marriage requires is not always roses and listen what the apostle Paul said in first Corinthians chapter 7.

Beginning in verse 32.

He says I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord how to please the Lord, but the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife and his interests are divided in the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord how to be holy in body and spirit with the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your benefit not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord in that passage Nepal is responding to questions that the Corinthians had about marriage anything. Look, you're free to marry, but it's also okay not to marry that I want to address your question about moving in with your boyfriend don't do it it opens the door for temptation, unmarried couples should not live together and sex is something that is reserved for marriage me that passage that I quoted from earlier in a non-Hebrews chapter 13 marriage is to be honored by all and let the marriage bed be undefiled for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Many people today want the benefits of marriage, sex, the financial benefits and whatever whatever the benefits might be without the commitment of marriage. Let me just quote CS Lewis again on this. He says the monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union sexual all other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union, the Christian attitude does not mean that there is anything wrong about sexual pleasure any more than about the pleasure of eating. It means that you must not isolate that pleasure and try to get it by itself, any more than you ought to try to get the pleasures of taste without swallowing, and digesting by chewing things and spitting them out again. I think he puts it so well there marriage is like a covenant in Scripture it's pledging our love to each other in an unconditional way and God honors that Julie rather than than try to figure it all out and in order to avoid what happened with your parents.

I want to encourage you to trust the Lord trust him that following his way leads to a healthier and stronger marriage than trying to test the waters in order to gauge whether or not you think things are going to work out in the end, your parents divorce doesn't have to be your story. I feared this to Sr. my parents were never married.

I wasn't brought up in a home where you had to loving parents.

You are modeling this picture of Christ and the church.

I had my mom who was a rock star holding it down our family doing everything she could to provide for us. We have to rely on God and his word to guide us in God's word puts a high value on marriage.

The marriage relationship on sex. It's treated as something that's to be honored, and I think we can minimize that by saying, is it worth that the truth is, it is worth it insofar as marriage is that picture and ought to be. That picture of the love that exists between Christ and the church and we can have that in our marriages as we depend upon the Lord Julie.

We pray that you'll make the right decision.

Going forward, and that the God will give you insight and wisdom in whatever you choose to do this is core Christianity with pastor Israel Sanchez.

Our phone number if you have a question is 833 the core. You can also post your question on our Facebook or Instagram accounts and Oksana posted this. She said I would like to get married but I'm having an identity crisis of who I am and who I want my spouse to be. I know I should prioritize my faith and his faith but identify with being Ukrainian American very much all four of my Ukrainian grandparents survived the Nazi labor camps so they sought refuge here in the United States.

The problem is most Ukrainians in the US are Orthodox or Catholic but I don't find myself attracted to godly men who are regular Americans and don't understand my cultural heritage.

Do you have any advice for me as to what I can do to convince myself that finding a godly man, no matter what nationality is the most important thing. There will one system me to say first time I'm encouraged by the fact that you even think about these things, you know, a you're not saying let me get out there and figure out what I like what you're thinking seriously about the kind of man God wants you to be with that. I get that cultural differences are a significant thing. Sometimes I think we can even downplay those in relationships we quickly find out in marriage that those differences can't just be brushed under the rug was one of the ways that we grow together and it really can be a beautiful thing. Our cultural upbringing plays a huge role in our development. Our interest how we view the world around us. And yet, as you already stated the main thing for us to consider when it comes to who am I going to marry is are they a follower of Jesus.

Now under the old covenant into Israel was only allowed to marry among the covenant people Israel.

Now to Jesus the covenant people have been expanded to include not just Jews but Ukrainians and Africans and Mexicans and people every tribe and tongue and nation. The first question we ask isn't what's their race or culture, but are they in Christ and that's more than did they get baptized. Once you know Bill, we're just talking about how sometimes people might say oh yeah I'm a Christian. Sure, I will all go to church with you and whatnot but they really are just doing it or saying it so that will date them up so that they can date you. I've seen this young man or young women in the church like someone there attractive, successful, and while they don't really have a church this person that they like and don't really ever attend services unless it's Christmas or Easter we compromise and think, well, there willing to go to church for me will look you want to be with someone who doesn't go to church and follow Jesus to make you happy but they follow Jesus because they know who Jesus is someone who needs you to follow Jesus doesn't really know Jesus yet because if they did they wouldn't follow him to get to you because of who he is, and Paul makes it absolutely clear and first Corinthian's chapter 7 verse 39 that were free to be married to whoever we want as Christians, so long as they are in the Lord and then bill earlier reference that pathogen. Second Corinthians chapter 6, beginning in verse 14, and in what follows, Paul talked about not being unequally yoked. That is, Christians not being unequally yoked with non-Christians and certainly that applies to marriage.

My advice for why you should prioritize faith or how you can prioritize faith over cultural background. Is this you can do it because Scott commands it God's word says were free to marry in the Lord and the neat thing here is that you do have freedom. It may be that the Lord bring someone around who happens to be a passionate Christ follower and share your same Ukrainian heritage. I don't know but I'll tell you something I've noticed with people. I even wrestled with this when I was singling and thinking about marriage one fear.

We can have when were single is God is going to call me to be with someone I don't want to be with. We think it would it comes to relationships, and frankly, life in general. God doesn't have our best interest in mind will sister God does have your best interest in mind. And that's precisely why were called to marry in the Lord because the most important thing about marriage is that it is this depiction of life that already the relationship that exists between Christ and the church. And if you're not married to someone who is in Christ, it's really hard for marriage to function in that way. So God calls us to to marry in the Lord because he knows that's the root of the core of how we have godly marriages. Let me just say one. One more thing I remember when I was getting married with my wife and we are going to premarital counseling.

Pastor gave us this advice that I I've never forgotten and both my wife and I have clung to this because it was just so helpful. He said look to get married, and there can be challenges that that life throws your way.

Sins things that you didn't anticipate sickness all sorts of different things right and right now as you're preparing your you're so excited that honeymoon stage and got a little bit of the rose-colored glasses but look. Life is going to hit you, but here's the hope that you have the gospel that you're committed to the Jesus that you both serve is strong enough to sustain you to keep you through anything, so that no matter what you face.

There's always hope there's always hope were in Christ committed to him because we know that his will is our sanctification, our growth and so it's so important that you're with someone who knows and loves Jesus. Oksana will be praying for you. This is core Christianity. I'm Bill Meyer with pastor Adm. Sanchez than it or we actually have an offer that ties right into today's topic which we want to let her listers know about Bill. I'm excited about sharing this resource is actually one that I wrote. It's called seven things you need to know about marriage and sex and it's free for you when you sign up for a weekly newsletter right we keep getting these questions about relationships, people struggling in their marriage. Is this resource plays a really good foundation for what the Bible teaches about marriage.

I think can be helpful for you, so go record Christianity.com/offers to download seven things you need to know about marriage and sex and can also call us for that. At 833-843-2673. That's 833 the core. This is core Christianity. We did receive several questions about divorce and we realize that for many of her listers may dredge up deep emotions and and painful memories from the past and want to know we have been reading your questions and praying for you even if you haven't heard us responding to your questions on the show that part of the reason we want to do this episode on marriage was to encourage anyone who is considering divorce and really to seek out your pastor, the elders of your church. You need their help on this weather it's prayer advice or counseling, and I cannot speak highly enough about good marriage counseling because I think a lot of couples when they're having problems they don't want to admit that they are struggling.

They don't want to admit they have a weakness but man oh man.

There are so many godly Christian counselors who can help you with that.

And although were not to be speaking to specific divorce questions on the program.

We do want to address what the Bible has to say about this topic of divorce and remarriage. Yeah, Bill. What I really like the way you set that up. I mean just the fact of the matter is we value marriage too much to handle questions about marriage and divorce flippantly on this program. I know that the most important thing for you as you think about these things is to be in a solid church where you're getting godly counsel. I've seen people time and time again with when they want a divorce to simply make these decisions in isolation by themselves or to seek out the Council of people that they know already just can agree with them brothers and sisters.

This is so important we really want to be slow and wise and approach the situation with a lot of gracing up a make quote Lewis again here because I think he's just so helpful on these topics. He says Christianity teaches that marriage is for life. There is of course the difference here between different churches, some do not admit divorce at all. Some allow it reluctantly and very special cases. It is a great pity that Christians should disagree about such a question, but for an ordinary layperson.

The thing to notice is that churches all agree with one another about marriage. A great deal more than any of them agrees with the outside world. I mean they all regard divorce is something like cutting up a living body is a kind of surgical operation. Jesus did talk about instances where divorce was permissible. Think of Matthew chapter 19, the Pharisees came to Jesus asking him is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause, and he answered, have you not read. He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and will fast his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh is white Lewis.

This is like a surgical procedure. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. They said to him, why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and send her away and he said to them, because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery see Jesus really valued had a high view of marriage. There's another text in Scripture that seems to indicate that willful abandonment, justice, irreparable abandonment is another legitimate ground for divorce. You hear me think of Paul's discussion in verse 20. In chapter 7 where he talks about an unbelieving spouse leaving abandoning their husband or their wife. There are in Scripture grounds for divorce, but you need the help and encouragement of people who know you who know your marriage who can speak into your life and even challenges you need to be challenged.

Let me just add one other point. If you're in an abusive relationship with, and you need to get into a safe environment where you're not allowing the harm to come to yourself and one of the ways we love our spouse.

Well is by bringing that kind of thing into the light and not allowing them to continue to destroy themselves and to harm you while you're in the midst of this abusive relationship and so II really think that that needs to be brought into the light and of course Bill, as you said this is such a sensitive topic a sensitive situation and we can't in five minutes to give people the kind of advice and counsel that we would like to give them that's what were saying you need to make sure you're in a good church, surrounded by godly brothers and sisters, pastors, elders were watching over your soul so that when you're in situations like this. You're not isolated, but you have the family of God around you that can speak into your situation because they know you in a way that I don't know you so I want to pray right now for all of those who are struggling with this very thing were contemplating divorce, or in marriages that that are difficult where their suffering Lord, pour out your mercy upon all those right now who need it, especially in our marriages Lord God.

We know that that there can be difficulties in and God. We know that that divorce is a reality in our culture. We pray that you would help us Lord as your people to value marriage honor you to love our spouses well so that our marriages would reflect to the world the great love that you have for your people Lord is sacrificial love.

This self giving love. This affection, oh God, help us, and I pray for the person right now who is in a very difficult marriage for your grace out on that person would you help them to get the help that they need, whether it's through Christian counselors.

The body of Chrysler, but would you would you bring them out of that place of isolation and bring them Lord into a place of fellowship with others where they can think about these things clearly and make wise decisions that are honoring to you Lord, in Jesus name, amen and amen.

You're listening to core Christianity with pastor Adm. Sanchez and just have time for one more question. Vicki asked is this how can my fiancé and I prepare ourselves for a godly marriage avoidable. We have about a minute for this one, but I would I would just say as I've already said being a good church do premarital counseling amid some of the big things that come up over and over again in marital conflict are money, family relationships, sex, those are big hangups for for many marriage and so I think those are important things to discuss and to have some godly counsel on Esther entering into marriage right at how we can handle finances, budgeting, so I think those are things you want to address that communication is key.

The right learning, good communication techniques, assertiveness, both couples being able to assert in a positive way to say what they want, so that you're not just always assuming your partner knows what it is that you wanted that they can read your mind and then listening, active listening, being able to to listen to your spouse and to understand what it is that they're saying so that you can have healthy communication, not bringing any secrets into the marriage me those are all things I would want to say to you, but but again I mentioned that advice that my pastor gave me when I was going to premarital counseling for me and my wife just say look, when two people are committed to Jesus.

In Christ, and were looking to him to go through a lot of things. Challenges great things in marriage, but also difficulties that when you're committed to Jesus, there's always hope because the grace of Christ is sufficient to sustain our marriages no matter what we go through and so clinging to Jesus and growing in your relationship with Christ individually and together is so important for healthy marriage. Thanks for listening to core Christianity to request your copy of today's special offer. Visit us@corechristianity.com and click on offers and the menu bar or call us at 1-833-843-2673 that's a 33, the court when you contact us. Please let us know how you been encouraged by this podcast and be sure to join us next time. As we explore the truth of God's word together