The Four-Sided Fortress of a Husband's Love

Understand what your role as a husband and her role as a wife is in above and beyond all things understand her. I believe that husbands should be lifelong students otherwise need to understand my need to be, Lynn, geologists, having studied her so well because I have to know her well if I'm gonna love her well.

It may not seem so your marriage can really be strong enough to thrive even in difficult times today on connect with Skip Heitzig Skip shares how you can cultivate a secure rocksolid marriage before we begin, here's a resource that encourages you to live with bold as you explore the inspiring stories of women in the Bible you know. Proverbs 3102 passage that describes the ideal Christian woman in life. To be honest ideal can be as intimidating as it is inspiring. Here Skip Heitzig that with more can I just tell you it's exhausting to just read that, let alone how on earth women, could you ever do that.

Let me say first of all, you can't do that in a day is not giving the 24 hour description of the virtuous wife. This is a woman over time.

Get to know some of the most incredible women in the Bible and in history to inspiring resources, six message CD collection from pastors and prominent women in Scripture about seven women by best-selling author Erica Texas. This bundle is our thanks when you get $35 or more to help expand the Bible teaching outreach of skintight think charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Call now to request these captivating resources as our thanks for your generous gift 800-922-1888. Get online securely connectwithskip.com/offer. Okay, let's get into today's teacher we were in first Peter chapter 3 as we begin our study with Skip Heitzig submitting to one another mutually in the fear of God that the thought after that thought is introduced.

Paul then gives four examples of submission.

An example for the wife.

An example for the husband example for children and an example for service so notice submitting to one another in the fear of God, followed by wives, submit to your own husbands, okay to give you a newsflash. Many husbands did not know this because verse 22 is the life verse memorized wives, submit to your husbands.

I know many homes will husbands know verse 22 and verse 21. But in verse 22 you see words as wives submit the word submit does not exist in the original text in the Greek language. It is not.

There is implied bus translators loaded in their but it actually begins in verse 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God that it says literally wives to your own husbands, and then down in verse 25 husbands, love your wives, then in chapter 6, verse one children, obey your parents. Then in verse five of chapter 6, bond servants, be obedient to those who are your masters so you see, submission isn't just for the wife is for the wife, husband, children, service referral examples of submission 90's of you guys a big the minute you tell me that I was a husband submit to my wife in a manner of speaking, yes, and I want you to see how you are to submit look back at verse 25 of Ephesians 5 husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her listen. There is no greater act of submission than the willingness to die for another person. Jesus on the cross was the world's greatest demonstration of submission he submitted to the will of the father is some middle to the need of mankind needing the forgiveness of sins.

That is a profound act of submission doesn't mean that the husband stops being the leader certainly in any organization, whether governmentally or at the workplace or in the hall. Somebody needs to make the decision. And yes, the husband is the head of the home had a woman come up to me and say what he may be the head of the home but on the neck.

The turns the head okay have fun with that one is an illustration that I found helpful. There was a guy driving his car out of the country road and came to a very narrow bridge on a narrow road in front of him was the sign yield so he thought. Okay that is my job to yield for oncoming traffic so he slows down to a stop peers over to see if anybody's coming, it's all clear, so he goes ahead later on that afternoon he comes back over the same bridge and on that side of the bridge was another sign that said yield so he well that's funny about the yield sign was on the first side that I came in on this morning so as he went across the bridge.

He looked back to make sure and sure enough, on both sides of the bridge was the sign yield.

The point being is this you want to avoid a head-on collision. Both drivers need to yield in a relationship you can be stubborn, but both drivers relationally need to yield. Certainly the husband must make. I believe the final decision even though it's not right.

As we saw last week with Abraham and Sarah, but nonetheless there is a yielding process that must take place. William Hendrickson said, when Grace changes the heart submission out of fear changes to submission out of love.

So submission is mutual. That's the first side of the fortress moved to the second side. The second principle consideration is essential. So in verse seven. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them as well live with your wives notice with understanding understanding simple understand what God's purpose for marriage is understand what your role as a husband and her role as a wife is an above and beyond all things understand her.

I believe that husbands should be lifelong students of their wives need to understand them. I need to be, Lynn urologist, having studied her so well because I have to know her well if I'm gonna love her well. Understanding wall with them. With that knowledge and understanding. You know the primary text in Genesis chapter 2 it says it is not good that man should be alone, so God says his God solution I'm to make helper is the word comparable to him comparable suitable a counterpart if you will make a helper is a counterpart to him actually in the Hebrew, it says I am going to make a helper like opposite him.

That's an interesting way to put it like that, opposite to him and the translation by the way, suggest polarity dislike of the North Pole Unita South Pole is otherwise planets can go nuts. You balance the North Pole to the South Pole. So many women are different and similar like opposite yet with the same species. We are on different wavelengths. One book on brain physiology states that men are different from women.

They are equal only in their common membership of the same species humankind, but to maintain that they are the same in aptitude and skill in behavior is to build a society on a biological and scientific why the book goes on to say men and women are different because their brains are different, not better.

Not inferior, not superior different. One of the keys to a happy marriage is that you understand that dwell with them with understanding men and women differ in so many different areas. Basal metabolism, skeletal makeup, blood composition, heart rate, there are other differences. For example, in a conversation, a woman when she speaks will maintain direct eye contact for an average of 12 seconds a man and a conversation will maintain direct eye contact for an average of three seconds.

Also, women tend to find our identity in close relationships, not men. They find their identity and what they do their vocation woman will worry about her future until she gets her husband, a man will never worry about his future until he finds a wife and there are communication differences. For example, Harvard University did a study of little kids on the playground. They monitored the noises they make the tape-recorded and they discovered in listening to little kids playground conversations that the sounds that came out of little girls mouths were actually recognizable words, whereas the noises that came out of little boys mouths, 60% were recognizable words, 40% were sound effects room and let me just tell you something as you get older, things really don't change, I'm here to tell you men still like the bottom line is cut to the chase, were you trying to say we don't want details right. Men know women want details, details and more details.

One of the reasons why perhaps is communication experts tell us the average woman speaks 25,000 words a day. The average man speaks around 12,500 words per day.

Just under half what is that mean in marital terms means that when he comes home in the evening gals.

He's already used up 12,495 words.

Got five left you on the other hand, it is getting started and he's wondering how come she talks so much and she's thinking he never says anything. Understanding that will help somebody asked Albert Einstein's wife. Do you understand the theory of relativity. She smiled and said no but I understand Dr. Einstein, I guess I would ask Dr. Einstein hey Einstein, do you understand your life. That's the meaning of the passage husbands, dwell with them, with understanding submission is mutual consideration is essential. Here's 1/3 wall of this fortress cooperation is practical, same verse, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life. You know when it says giving honor your means and means to assess or assign assign someone a place of honor to assess that they have value and to assign that value to that person honor is a word that means price or precious or priceless means that husband should treat her with respect and courtesy and kindness and about this word chivalry member that work.

Let's bring that baby back chivalry opening doors for women that actually happen.

I knew a guy said that he opened his girlfriends door for her and they got married. He closed the door on her.

I was so strange.

I would not recommend that chivalry I heard about a man he was walking into an office building as he was walking toward the entrance. He saw a young lady walking toward the same inference at a brisk pace, so he walked very fast to open the door for her. As he opened the door for her. She was a little bit more modern and liberated and she kind of in a gruff UA said the door for me just because I'm a woman and he smiled and said I'm not. I'm opening the door, ma'am.

Just because I'm a gentleman so let that be a part of you just honor treat with honor Gary Smalley was written many books on marriage and relationships, said after interviewing hundreds of wives and daughters. There is one consistent plea that is commonly asked by them of all of their fathers and their husbands. Here it is. Please be comforting. Instead of lecturing and criticizing the one thing overwhelmingly in these interviews.

These gals wanted. Please be comforting instead of lecturing and criticizing. Gary Smalley said this was so important to them that their eyes would actually light up with just the thought that their husbands might learn this responsibility. That is a phrase after doing honor to the wife and I want you to notice what it says if I don't deal with this and I'm going to deal with it very very cautiously, but you need to know what it means is giving honor to the wife as to what was weaker vessel now. Can I just say do not go home. Husbands and and like say hello weaker vessel what's for lunch, weaker vessel, not a good strategy so you need to know what it means first of all you need to know what it doesn't mean what it says weaker vessel doesn't mean that a life that a woman is weaker intellectually that mean that it does not mean that a woman that a wife is weaker. Emotionally, either fact I would say would you not agree that women are generally more mature on an emotional level. They're able to talk about their emotions are able to describe and articulate what they feel, you know, most men, if you asked them what you think about that. The tell you but if you asking this question.

How does that make you feel they will not know how to answer you just like deer in headlights like a non sequitur. No, you ask a woman how that makes her feel she is ready to tell you, so they are mature emotionally when it says weaker vessel does not mean intellectually. It does not mean emotionally. And it does not mean spiritually I'm here to tell you is a pastor for over 30 years. When it comes to spiritual things. Women are right there ready to volunteer. One article that I read entitled women are the backbone of religious congregations in America stated women are 57% more likely to participate in Sunday school, 39% more likely to have daily devotions 33% more likely to volunteer at church and 29% more likely to share their faith with somebody else. Sophie says weaker vessel in the doesn't mean intellectually or emotionally or spiritually. What is he mean it's quite simple really. He simply means on a physical level physiologically. Generally, women don't have the physical strength that men have in fact that is shown scientifically woman's blood contains more water and 20% fewer red blood cells which supply oxygen to the body, which accounts for the fact that she will tire more easily and be more prone to fame.

That's generally speaking, you might say no I can whip my boyfriend. I lift weights okay.

Generally speaking, weaker vessel now let me move away from this as quickly as I can and say men don't you think we need to know our lives so well that we know the soft spots in their character. Just like when a newborn is brought home the father and mother know the soft spots the fontanelle's on the babies had those little soft spots were the bones have infused come together yet. I think that if a man understands their soft spots in my wife's character. There's things she struggles with her spheres that she has there's people I need to keep away from her because they want to attack. I need to offer first-rate in those areas were there is weakness.

We put it this way. Treat your wife like fine China not like paper plates, treat them like silverware, not plastic where was one country sage put it, if a man has enough sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred shall never turn into a nagging good practical stuff and then he says and and is being heirs together of the grace of life that that's companionship. That's why say cooperation is practical. Your your companions, your heirs together.

Some commentators think that this means purely in the physical sense, they share life together they share marriage together, share home together they produce life by either children. Others believe this is speaking on a spiritual level eternal life everlasting life. They show that certainly that's true if you're if you're up believing husband and believing like both are true you're doing life together and are anticipating together eternal life so you could look at that is eating, Jesus died for her as much as he died for you gentlemen, that her soul is as precious to him as your soul. So keep that in mind when you're treating her. However, you trader you're dealing with a child of God, a daughter of the living God always level. Matthew Henry said. He said woman was not taken from man's head to be above him. She was not taken from his feet to be walked on by. Am. But she was taken by his taken from his side to be close to him from under his arm to be protected by him from there to his heart to be loved by him. Husbands remember this, your wife doesn't want more things she wants more of you I want you to hear that your wife doesn't want more things she wants more of you. I know some of you guys think you haven't seen my wife's shop, but I contend that the reason she is really good at shopping is because you're not giving her what she really wants and that's not things that you that your honor that your esteem that's your important that your companionship is heirs together of the grace of life that brings me to the final and fourth side of the fortress and that is this division is unprofitable. There's one final little phrase loose trophy of this verse that he leaves today and I'm glad he leaves it to the end because it answers a question you, you could be listening to this message reading this verse and are going yeah you know what I've heard this before and it's good stuff. I agree with it but is it really that important is it that paramount. I'm glad you asked that question because notice how it ends that your prayers may not be hindered look at it altogether. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them, with understanding, giving honor to the wife is to the weaker vessel and is being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered with that seem to imply that your prayers could be hindered if you don't read it that way.

That sounds logical to me and it's theological as well.

The right-hander means to cut in or to interrupt. It's a military term of somebody trying to blow up the road so that an enemy can advance toward you on the road and here's the point of Peter's using it. I believe Satan's desire is to slow a trench in the road between you and God and the communication. Effective communication that you would have toward God. He wants to interrupt that. Remember what Jesus said to Peter. Peter, Satan wants to sift you like wheat I think that's true of every husband here. Satan wants to sift you like wheat. So what is it what is it that could hinder from your prayers being answered will actually there's one special sin that will do that.

You know what it is unforgiveness. You stop up your spiritual effectiveness.

Just try unforgiveness on for size. Listen to the words of the Lord Jesus Christ in the sermon on the Mount, for if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will forgive you if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly father forgive you. Never go to sleep at night without forgiving each other for whatever you need to forgive each other for an there's probably a list forgiveness break this down to one salient principle. This last little wall evasion of husband Lee duty will bring interruption to heavenly bounty evasion of husband Lee duty will invite an interruption to heavenly bounty or blessing to see God's blessing stop is a husband failed to do these things, so I'm I'm pleading with you if you got a little picture in your mind of the perfect partner, tear it up now and accept the imperfect person you're married to an imperfect person. Can I just say so.

Is your spouse and we fail and that's why that's why we need to forgive and honor and esteem and yield because that is a fortress designed to keep safe the inhabitants include Skip hi text message from the series box to Skip to share how you can keep these messages going strong. Connect more people to God's truths of the world doesn't understand Christians and with good cause were called to be set apart from the world while also living in, but sometimes we need encouragement and that's where this broadcast comes in. We seek to equip and encourage friends like you in your walk with the Lord, and you can help keep these faith building messages on the air. Here's how you can give a gift today.

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