Too Old for Time Out

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Our focus is making Christ is providing worship come check us out at 3485 Oxford Rd. or visit us online leave UBC.org join us for this week's message by Pastor Albert on shop and this morning the message is titled to old for timeout if you still try to parent them as if they are five or six or 10 years of age. Big mistake doesn't work. What you do this mess is hopefully going to help us understand how to parent a child who is too old for that age of discipline. Let's all stand together. Genesis 34 starting in verse 25.

Now it came to pass on the third day when they were in pain you so would be talking about as we go through this message.

It will make more sense that two of the sons of Jacob Simeon and Levi Dino's brothers each took his sword and came boldly upon the city and killed all the males and plundered the city because their sister had been defiled, then Jacob, their father said to Simeon and Levi, you have troubled me by making me obnoxious among the inhabitants of the land.

Look that up more carefully. Later on, but how many pairs at some point in time have said that to their kids. You have embarrassed me in front of everybody today, the Bible, to such a relevant book. This book is more relevant than your newspaper. All the latest bestseller on parenting and child rearing. This book is like describing events that are just happened. You have made me obnoxious among the inhabitants of the land among the Canaanites and the parasites and since I am few in number, they will gather themselves together against me and kill me. I shall be destroyed my household and I but they said, should you treat our sister like Hartman now as I typically do in every message I try to ask a few questions to kind of set the tone, the direction of the message, prepare your hearts and your minds to hear the message. So here are some of those questions for this message.

Question number one. How is your relationship with your children. If you have children, more specifically, how is your relationship with your grown children all day at odds with you. Are you at odds with them.

What have they done to disappoint you, is all my kids are little, or we don't have kids, what have you done to disappoint your parents. You know there's a statement that has been around for a long time. I've heard years ago and I still here today.

It's goes like this.

It says when your kids are little to step on your toes when they get big day. Step on your hearts. What have they done what have your children done to step on your hearts are you saved are they saved you see the most important thing you can do for them. Whether it's your parents or your children is to lead them to Christ.

If they do not know Christ and if they do know Christ is to bring them back to Christ. The most important thing in the message does not do so because of this, is one that I do for my grown kids want to do for my parents.

The most important thing you can do this is to come to Christ. Christ changes lives. Christ changes people from the inside out. It doesn't matter who they are, how many times they have failed if they come to Jesus to come to a church to come to a breach of the come to a great book if they come to his study in the computer program, it will fail. The come to Christ. Christ never fails or you may still fail but he will still carry you. Today's message is going to help us understand what to do when our kids are too old for timeout and I know this message is gonna touch each of your different levels.

We don't have kids. If you don't have grown kids it will touch you at different place in your life.

That's what the Holy Spirit does so let's begin in this series on the family. We been studying the family of Abraham and Sarah in the family of Isaac and Rebekah. Now we are dealing with the family of Jacob and his two wives and two concubines for wives, so to speak when dealing with the her generation decisions that have been made are now in a bearing fruit. What happened so far just to give you, bring you up to speed.

Jacob has reconciled with his old foe. He has reconciled with his brother Esau his worst fears are over Esau he thought was going to kill him. God in his sovereignty and his grace has worked it out. They have reconciled is time for Jacob to head home, but Jacob is careful.

Previously, Jacob did what came natural. Now he is making sure that he does everything just right doesn't want to displease God's will is you do listen to chapter 33 verse 18. Then Jacob came safely. He has just left Esau become safely to the city of Shechem which is in the land of Canaan. When he came from Peyton Erin and he pitched his tent. Tension of this before the city.

Jacob remembers how great uncle Lot moved into the city and corrupted himself and his whole family was destroyed.

He says I am going in the city. I want to stay out. He pitches his tent outside the city limits. Good.

What else listen to verse 19 and he bought the parcel of land where he had pitched his tent.

Jacob remembers grandfather Abraham when it came time for him to purchase the land.

People want to give him the land is. I don't know I'm in a pay you for it. Why did you do that because he did not want any obligation to those people is a no-no obligation means compromise. I don't want that on the pay you fair and square. Jacob says I want to do the same thing. I would pay for this land fair and square.

You see he is doing everything right. What happens next. Listen to verse 20 then he erected an altar there and called it LLO hate Israel translated for us. It means he build the church to build a chapel. There seems like man you can go wrong. Only problem is Jacob failed to realize two things. Number one Jacob fail to realize that when God called him he did not call him to go to Shechem others.

A map on the screen. Three arrows there's an arrow that's coming down from the top and I was hard to read it but is an arrow that comes down from the top.

That's where he Jacob was inherent God called him to come and go to Bethel.

Genesis 3113 when God called him he said go to Bethel on the God of Bethel. Jacob comes down Penny Hill is the place where he wrestled with the pre-incarnate Christ were God broke. He crossed over the Jordan River. If you see that line going across in the middle. That's the Jordan River. He crossed over the Jordan River. He is supposed to come down to Bethel. That's the last stop but doesn't come to Bethel. He stops in Shechem, which is directly to the north. The point is this, God told him to go to Bethel. He stops in Shechem. Partial obedience is still disobedience you sometimes we as Christians think if I only do this much right, God should give me credit for that. I don't have to obey him all the way.

He told me to do 10 I'm gonna do seven should give me credit for seven doesn't work like that. I hate to break it to you the second mistake Jacob made was this Jacob did not take into account that his little kids are becoming big kids, folks.

There are seasons in life there is a season where there no kids than there is a season when kids come in. There's a season where you're chasing the kids around to getting on the dam. Your your disciplining them. Your your controlling them your training them. There comes a season where you have to shift unfortunately as a pastor I have counseled so many people so many families through the years people do not understand how to shift gears. Jacob didn't realize it is kids are growing up and they are about to make choices. While decision number one listen to Genesis 34 verse one now Dean, the daughter of Leah, whom she had born to Jacob this is Jacob and Leo's daughter Jacob had 11 sons at this point, but only one daughter. She went out to see the daughters of the land. I looked at this phrase in the original, it literally means to be seen among the women of the city. If you're coming on Wednesday night. You know when you talk about the idiomatic translation.

This is what it means she went to hang out with the young women of the city. Many reason.

Maybe Jacob sent her with a group to go buy something from the market. Maybe Jacob felt bad for her.

She was the only girl in a house full of 11 boys that maybe she needs some friends.

Maybe as kids do. Daddy said it's okay what mom said it's okay and she's adjuster ask you and I wear them and let me confirm, did you says okay no I said if you're okay with it. I wait a minute, I'm wondering if Dena played mom and dad got guilty faces here today. I don't know maybe you parents have done the same things. I don't know. I don't know. Nonetheless, she has now gone into this Canaanite city now want to give you an idiom and idiom is like an old striped phrase. If you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas is harsh focus. The truth, this is what it means if you hang around with people who don't believe like you, or live the same convictions as you do. Sooner or later you'll start believing and living as they do not talk about controlling your children what I'm saying to you is this. Unless you are actively leaving those people to Christ.

They will suddenly pull you away from Christ.

That's just the nature of things. There is no static middleground that you can hang out and never dislodge each other sooner or later someone pulled the other.

What happens next. She goes into the city and when Shechem he is the Prince of the city of Shechem. He's one spoiled brat and how would you like to have a whole city named after you, the son of ham or the hip vibe. He is the king, Prince of the country saw her he took her and lay with her and here's the word he violated her some people immediately think that's right. I don't believe it's right because in the Hebrew. I believe it it it it actually read something like you took her lay with her and he shamed her.

He brought shame to her. In fact, what I think happened is she liked him.

He liked her and they had sexual relations.

It was consensual, but in the process get guest who looked bad is always the girl who looks bad. So what happens here. She has been defiled. But listen, this is how you know it wasn't rape his soul was strongly attracted to Dino, the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the young woman and spoke kindly to the young woman.

So Shechem spoke to his father him or saying get me this young woman as a wife, you remember, in Western society, there is something about being independent. That is good and bad. It is good that any time a young person turns the age of 18 or 20 or whatever we consider adult they are independent they can do what they want to do. No one can control, he that's a blessing. By the way, that's a great blessing because another part of the world where there's a Middle East or Asia or China and other places kids for ever feel like they gotta do what daddy tells him her mommy doesn't do that is not a good thing. So I believe this freedom that we have in our country in the West is a wonderful thing but it's also a curse would mean by curse because young people feel like if they are an adult they can do whatever they want to do and it doesn't matter what the consequences are if you can raise your children with that independent spirit. At the same time remind them hey, always remember what you do out there does affect us.

Don't guarded the matter who it is, no matter how nicely you speak, but this young man's as I want to marry her. He tells her that would you do something word gets back to Jacob. Listen to this end, Jacob heard that he had defiled Dena his daughter of the Bible to say one word about Jacob's emotions. Was he angry was he sad was he in different was he shocked was he disappointed.

It says nothing.

I personally think that Jacob was worried Jacob knew his sons.

Jacob knew Dino's brothers and he is thinking the whole time. These boys find out they're going to do some damage so he doesn't say a word later on. His sons are angry with him. That's why the state should be treated.

Our sister like a harlot you what they're really saying is if you were any kind of man you are done something about your daughter know why didn't Jacob do anything. Why didn't Jacob say anything because Jacob knows anything he says will be used by his sons to attack those people, which by the way they ended up doing anyways. Sometimes we get angry with our parents for something they did or didn't do in a situation. I've had people talk to me until something like this.

Those are what I was going to this and this happen.

Mom never said a word or I'd I was going to some tough time and daddy never came through for me. He was so busy with his life.

He was so busy with his work in business or whatever. He never was there for me. Here's my word to you. Maybe that is true, but there is also a good possibility that you don't know the whole story.

If you could get in the time machine and go back in time and really step into their shoes. You realize very quickly how complicated the situation based on what then you they did the best they could. Jacob doesn't say a word, but is not because he doesn't care because he knows anything he does will be used. To start a fight and it did happen. The brothers came to found out and they were shocked they were hurt. They were angry and him or the guys father the king came over to talk to Jacob. He said okay here's a marriage proposal. Would you please give your daughter in marriage to my son. And trust me will make sure you're happy you have all rights to business. We are family anyways now.

So whatever and the son speaks up the Prince is it let me find favor in your eyes whatever you say to me I will give ask me ever so much gallery and gift and I would give according to what you say to me, but King made this young woman is a wife. He is lovestruck Jacob doesn't say much, but his sons answered.

Listen to what the Bible says the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and him or his father and spoke deceitfully. What I love about the Bible. Is this it tells you when people are messing up even the heroes when they mess up the Bible doesn't sugarcoat the truth. This is how you know this book is the word of God.

It never tries to gloss over the failures of its hero. This blog deceitfully because he had defiled Dena their sister and the said to them, we can do this to give our sister to one who is uncircumcised for that would be a reproach to us.

Whether saying is this, we are circumcised. So what's the solution every male in your city in your country has to be circumcised Jacob, I believe knew what his sons were up to. Because of those people say want to do that the sons would say within you heard our sister in theirs and be payback if they say okay Feinberg to circumcise ourselves. Jacob's thinking that's never going to happen so either way, my sons will kill them. Guess what happens. Shechem and his father come home and the tell the country the whole land because my boy loves this girl all of you men have to be circumcised. Is that cool their life.

Okay I don't get it. They did. I don't know what was wrong with them something in the air. Maybe they felt obligated knows and listen to what happens next that it came to pass on the turn day when they were in pain both.

This is a time before sterilizations and all the proper medical instruments, they got infections they got fever in the per day is a bad day for them. The two sons of Jacob Simeon and Levi, Dino's brothers each took his sword and came boldly upon the city and killed all the males that seems, that's the almost like the downtown of the city you see the modern building surrounding the ruins will the ruins that you see in the middle I believe are more like the downtown city was much larger question is how come to man can go to the entire city. Even if those men are in pain, they can at least defend them something they can rush in. I don't think it was just two of them probably the two were taking charge for the rest of the brothers followed and all their workers all their farmhands room. It was like an army.

Jacob almost had an army so you can imagine this was a bold attack. Almost like an army assault on the town of Shechem as the men are in pain. They are sick.

They're not doing well and these guys go in and they begin to kill all the men. Verse 26 and they killed him more and Shechem. His son with the edge of the sword and took Dena from Shechem's house, the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Yeah, you messed up with our sister but our sister disorder involved so to kill all of this is young people doing what they do. Even to this day I've seen them on television.

Come on y'all were living the 21st century with iPhones and cell phones and laser technology.

And yet people get in the streets. Something happens here and there throwing rocks at businesses and burning things.what is the sense there is no sense this is what happens when young people do things that feel right, the sons of Jacob came upon the slain and plundered the city army was the lesser sense and that because her sister had been defiled. They took their sheep, their oxen and their donkeys what was in the city what was in the field and all their wealth, and all their little ones. This is the worst part and their wives that took captive in the plundered even all that was in the houses word gets back to Jacob or what they had done.

Listen to Jacob's reaction than Jacob said to Simeon and Levi.

The leaders you have troubled me by making me obnoxious.

The Hebrew word literally as you made me stink. Jacob Salas sister them you have troubled me by making me stink among the inhabitants of the land among the Canaanites and the parasite at one time it was only Esau and his 400 men.

Now the entire country is against me and I am feeling number they will gather themselves together against me and kill me.

I shall be destroyed my household and you don't know what you've done, what is the response just like impulsive young people to should he treat our sister like a harlot means you are not a dad enough man enough to care for your daughter. You expect us men to sit back and watch our sister getting violated the still didn't get it. Jacob doesn't say anything anymore because there's nothing left to say.

Listen to chapter 35 verse one then God said to Jacob I love that God and abandon him.

He knew he was in trouble.

He said Jacob arise, go up to Bethel.

That's where I told you to go the first place you stop and Shechem all this mess happen, you should listen to me the first time go there, dwelled there not here why you buying this land, making our altar to their to God, who appeared to you when you fled from the face of Esau, your brother meeting on the same God. I didn't tell you to come here, but don't stay here and weep and cry and get angry with your sons just go it's time to go folks. Many of us don't realize the decisions we made as young people how to those decision impact our parents at the moment. We didn't care at the moment. We were reckless at the moment.

Parents were our enemy.

They don't understand how, if you remember, you get silly that you don't get it. Like really is like that. We just like drop out of the sky know we get everything you doing we just see the consequences of your decisions and we don't want the world to ravage you. We don't want the world to tear you apart. Sometimes he will say Augustus, if you control your kids that much knows not about controlling your kids is about guiding your kids, there's a big difference be controlled them. If you just hold them like this as when they go off in the go off the deep end and all that stuff that's legalism telling your kids. This is not right. This is where you should be and not putting them in situations where they have to compromise that is up to us dropping them off once a week at church and expecting them to make all the right decisions doesn't work. You have to live a life you have to live a life that is God centered, have you wondered what why people say and as a pastor.

People tell me that I wish we never had kids tell me that all the time. Is not the answer.

Kids have always been kids do what kids do is for us to say what could we do differently so they're grown now. What are the different living to be few suggestions number one.

Let them know that their actions were wrong, though never sugarcoat the truth tell them what you did today is going to make an impact on you is going to make an impact on us.

You have embarrassed us. You have made us think.

Tell them forthrightly number two. Don't resent your kids is so easy to begin to resent them in your heart almost feel like I wish wouldn't have don't resent them. Don't be better. Jacob did not become bitter against his kids, forgive them that you have made similar mistakes as well. How many of us have done the same thing that we get on to our kids about reaffirmed your love for them. Give them the opportunity to make things right. Trust God that he will finish what he has begun in their lives. I believe that we have a God who finishes what he starts.

Some of you know you feel like your kid is too far gone. No, don't let the enemy fill you with that line.

Lastly, pray for them to never stop praying for them. You can stay up all night worried and angry and frustrated and mad and and you know don't talk to them and in all the cost of, or you can pray for them, pray for them. You know I kids may get too old for us to discipline them but we never get too old for God to discipline us, it doesn't matter if you are 30 years in the faith.

It doesn't matter if you are 60 years in the faith. When it's time for your discipline. God does not shy away from taking you to the woodshed.

This is what it says in Hebrews chapter 12 verse six for whom the Lord loves he disciplines, he chastens you so I'm good.

I must not be a must not be bad because God is not chasing me.

Don't be too quick to say that but if you are without chastening. Verse eight and you are a legitimate list of the things that you might be going through right now and again. Don't read too much into what I'm saying.

Some of the things what you're going through.

Maybe God's discipline is not bad is because he loves us how me times of your raise your fist toward heavens and cut why do you allow this to happen to me in this study should say God will you try to tell me what have I done wrong if I have done anything wrong.

I need your forgiveness in all situations.

Thank you so much for joining us for this message for your kids to overtime. Now everything you can still let them know that their actions give them a chance to fix the situation. Most importantly day always remember to pray for trusting that God is can finish the work. More information, visit us online@bc.org for this sermons notice take a pastor shot gunshot.com