The BEST Marriage

What can you do today to ensure you have the best marriage possible. Roman during this review how mode with a bendable report that only special event for Michael welcome relationship with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" you and your spouse are struggling in your marriage closer to the best marriage yet today.

Author Anthony Delaney gives some practical help and hope to your relationship.

The best marriage is the title to the resource. Five love languages.com.

ST is an acronym subtitled why settle for less perfectly with Dr. Chapman's goal of providing simple ways to strengthen relationship again.

Five love languages.com. I think a lot of couples get into February month of love to get past Valentine's Day and they wonder where we go on this relationship what's happening between us that needs to be addressed is that a good thing.

Good question to ask think it is always a good question. In particular, if the Valentine's Day experience didn't go well.

No flowers, no candy, no dinner. We need to be asking where were we going what was going on here. This is the one time of the year when everybody's like about love. So I'm really excited about our talk today about having the master marriage so best, of course, for us, but every every marriage can always be better. And that's what we wanted. Let's move toward having a better marriage like that will let me reintroduce Anthony Delaney. We spoke with him last year he served as a police officer in inner-city Manchester, England for 10 years before going to church leadership. He now leads IV church which is a church planting movement he founded launch church multiplication catalyst which is a global community drawing together hundreds of church and network leaders to be inspired and commissioned to multiply disciples, leaders, churches and movements is an author. He speaks and teaches throughout Europe and Africa married to Sally they have three adult children, four grandchildren and our featured resource is his book the best BEST marriage. Why settle for less. Find out more at 5lovelanguages.com welcome back to Building Relationships.

Thank you so much Dr. Gary is wonderful to you guys again. I so appreciate your time together last time on was thrilled by the invitation to join you again. Thank you for the conflict that we are excited about our conversation today. First, the word in the title best BEST is an acronym were going to dig into it deeper in a bit, but what do these four letters stand for welders briefly and he said we want to keep on getting married on week. We do that by blessing one another by realizing the blessings of a certain network by encouraging one another, finding ways to build one another about our down by sharing vulnerability where we are not the person that Hall talk to so important.

You just physical chart shouldn't also just everything that we can do to bring the romance flame burning dig into those deeper as you move along in a program today.

You and your wife have now been married for nearly 36 years.

What if you do to try to ensure you have the best marriage well since we last spoke it interesting.

It all grandchildren.

The great uses another six to me as the years roll along and continue to get all kinds of wonderful blessings that come into our life's remarriage and I think first of all, just to stop we got to recognize that this is one of God's greatest ideas and that we do we start self every every couple.

I think nobody wants to settle for less than the best beginning when we realize it takes work to continue to work out then love is the not now is not just something you say all you house all or even you always feel as we continue to do the things that that loving couples do on. Then we stopped cops to help those feelings that keep going back and building them all the time and so we don't have the same relationship we continually renew it together and not to lease one of the exciting things about marriage isn't static is meant to be flourishing and that's exciting. I think that marriage should be a lot better after 10 or 15 or 20 years that it was in the first year right yeah Chris and I were talking earlier about this idea kind of examining your marriage once in a while evaluating it is helpful for a couple to evaluate where you are in your marriage periodically and if so how do you go about that I think is just to check in and to develop self and broadened the person find out whether or not you think that it every marriage is like a room for improvement is like every hello that's probably look around the room that you can think we could do ways that will keep that going to soon look a little bit drop and tired. I think that's a picture really in our married life is the son just as bad just because you in the house that needs some work. You don't say let's demolish this place you say let's say let's work together on that, but it's good to be able to evaluate and say what is great right now. But that was really good, undone, and then what we enjoying and then tops up that we could say okay will was not so great will of the areas that we could improve upon and again the idea is trying to fix the other person is trying to fix the problem you try to fix yourself as well. In order to be able to strong marriage which is just a joyful union together. I think there has to be a certain level of helps in the relationship in order to evaluate it together right because if it's really critical kind of devastated both of you is hard to talk about those things but when I do like progress without communication. That's right. And I think what we try to do this perfectly well, but by what I've learned it useful to unite as you were saying Valentine did a good time to assess it some way. Hopefully you can do something romantic around around that time, but actually just regularly checking in and reuniting props at the end of the date out just sitting on your phones all on the device is everything but just to come back together again and say how are you on how we get to keep on maintaining the marriage is so important that we don't do that and we can find out major unique naturopath got some help and help one keep the problems small. That's amazing. I am big on love and the love languages couples meeting that emotional need for love and the relationship you and your wife do to keep love alive to meet that emotional need for each other.

Well, Gary. We have been so blessed about say about your book and by the concepts of "The 5 Love Languages" in that week. We know we realized it was you look at the time and words and actions and gifts and we do not own assessment on that is pretty clear we not the same. My my major love language would be words words of affirmation. I know I need.I'm under Zoe's time is quality time and what I can do is I can think well if I just tell her that she's wonderful and that she's a great mom and that she is. We know a wonderful wife, etc. but I'm not spending any time with that it would build me up to hear those kind of words and that kind of affirmation. It doesn't wash up Doc's box so I have to I have to do why sacrificial offering to me. I have to get the diary out the first I have to say these vacations that we can take a nonnegotiable day off that we spent those things that we plan together. I'm not your position as am too busy for that because I have to say over and over the years I've learned the hard way that I've ended up not prioritizing my wife in my marriage often prioritize my ministry over my leverage those times that we've ended up really in difficult situations undoes a say in the book, and I'm not proud of it but I'm not ashamed. I ended up having to go to good Christian marriage counseling to be able to help especially to help me to be to make sure we are speaking the same language so that we can keep the love alive. I wish all pastors and wives did what you're saying and recognize that the wife and the marriage is priority. Yes ministries important, but if we fail in our marriage in our model is gonna do more harm than all the other things were doing in our ministry. So yeah that's that's very encouraging today on Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman were talking with author and speaker Anthony Delaney about making your marriage the best it can be our featured resource in his book the best marriage. Why settle for less. Find out more at 5lovelanguages.com that's five love languages.com to the list here with us on the program you talked about your career as a police officer did that prepare you for what you're doing in ministry now or how do you view that part of your life. Absolutely I think that the ages 18 I was walking on one of the hottest beats in the city here and I got involved in some very difficult situations and particularly domestic situations and arguments in and so I saw the extremes of when relationships break down and I also have to instantly grow up pretty fast because I found myself in those hot situations effectively trying to be a marriage counselor. The people who were older than me like my parents age and help you with those kind of things now. It was only later that I think when I became a Christian.

Over the years of becoming accosted. I found that in the end people are people and we know none of those can just do our lives alone and so I was grateful to plug into the love. The unconditional love of Jesus Christ. Maybe change me on them from that to be able to go to him for the wisdom that I need to be able to help the people to be able to apply good biblical teaching search to help people took to love and to listen to love so since then, yeah, I think that having seen the heart issues around marriage that enables me to get a little bit perspective sometimes when couples come in yet it can be difficult. I have coached your account. My my my my reasons are the struggles of subset books in the end, I've seen that many more marriages are repairable when people are willing to work at it but just got to do some patent interrupts to say when we stop doing these things, you stop doing these things, not really.

Some of the things I mentioned in the book. I think God does use everything in our lives to prepare us for for ministry when they were pastors or Christians are seeking God's will often say that I probably would never have gone into counseling if my wife and I had not had so many struggles in the early years of our marriage, and 700 and empathetic with people because I felt been there. Well what were talking about the how to foster the best marriage. So let's think about special days of birthdays, Valentine's Day, wedding anniversaries and so forth, are there things that you've learned not to do in order to have the best marriage. While I think number one not to forget is a good thing for the calendar on that. Maybe you guys need to put in a few days at least before some weeks before plan something again for my wife. She's a quality time. I want to make sure I'm spending some time with over the years I've done things up in all going CRAZY WANT. I GOT INTO DEBT HIRING PLAYING FOR THE TWO OF US TO GO AND GO OUT FLYER IN THE END SHE WAS AFTERWARDS SHE SHE SAID SHE COULD BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY FOR YOU. IT WAS SO WE GOTTA WATCH THE DIAMOND RING GETTING THE EARRINGS OF THOSE Things BUT ACTUALLY TIME THAT WE WOULD SUGGEST THAT FILLED THE HALL MORE THAN GIFT BECAUSE AGAIN SHE'S NOT A GIFTS PERSON OF THE PERSON YOU WANT YOUR MILEAGE MAY BE A GIFT PERSON, IN WHICH CASE WHY WE DON'T LABEL FOR MANY OF THOSE JUST BEING ABLE TO DO THE THINGS THAT THAT THAT WE SHOULD BE DOING ALSO TO AVOID THINGS THAT WILL SPOIL THE MEMORY NOT JUST ON ON ON THAT DAY OF THE SPECIAL DAY BUT ALL THE OTHER ALL THE OTHER GUYS WE CAN LEARN TO AVOID THE ONE I OFTEN THINK IT'S LIKE ON MY WAGES EVERY DAY LIKE AN EMPTY BOX AND YOU GO TO PUT SOMETHING IN BEFORE WE CAN TAKE SOMETHING OUT BECAUSE REALLY IS NO LOVING A MARRIAGE LIMITING PEOPLE AND WE DECIDE TO PUT IT IN THE ROMANCE AND KINDNESS WE CHOOSE HOW MUCH WOULD AN OPPOSING AND THE MORE WE PUT ON THE SPECIAL EVENT FALLS ON EVERY SINGLE DAY GOAL IS TO BUILD ON THAT WILL MAKE ALL THE LOVE STIMULATES LOVE. NOW LET'S DIG AND DIG INTO THE ACRONYM BEST, BEST, YOU TOLD US AT THE BASE STANDS FOR BLESSING AND THAT HE ENCOURAGING IN THE ASS FOR SHARING IN THE T4 TOUCHING, SO I SPENT SOME TIME WITH EACH WIDGET WITH EACH OF THESE TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE BLESSING WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT.

WHEN I GOT MY MY REBECCA WHO DID THE WEDDING. HE SAID ABOUT THREE OR FOUR TIMES IN THE IN THE SERVICE. GOD HAS BROUGHT YOU TWO TOGETHER AND IT IS HIS INTENTION THAT YOU STAY TOGETHER NOT BEEN VERY IMPORTANT FOR ME TO REALIZE I DON'T BELIEVE WE JUST TOGETHER BY CHANCE. I'M BELIEVE THAT THAT WAS ON A DIVINE PURPOSE IN BRINGING THE TWO LOGOS TOGETHER AND MOST OF THE GREAT BLESSINGS THAT COME IN MY LIFE: AS A RESULT OF BEING MARRIED TO ZOE. SHE'S THE ONE I WATCHED THE FIRST OF ALL, INTRODUCE ME TO JESUS CHRIST AND FROM THAT. SHE GAVE ME A BIBLE AND I START TO READ IT REALLY NOT A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM FIRST AND THEN RELATES A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. WE GOT A SET THREE WONDERFUL GROWN-UP MARRIED KIDS TO ALL OF THEM SERVE THE LORD. WE GOT SIX GRANDCHILDREN BEAUTIFUL GRANDCHILDREN AND SO MANY OF THE BLESSED THAT THEY'VE ALL CONNECTED IN SOME WAY TO HER AND TELL WHY WOULDN'T I SEE THAT SHE IS JUST AN AMAZING BLESSING FOR ME NOW DOES NOT MEAN I ALWAYS THINK SHE'S THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON ON PLANET EARTH AND EVERYTHING IS GREAT NOW I REMEMBER THAT SHE IS A BLESSING.

I ALSO WANT TO REMEMBER TO BLESS. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING, MAKE HER DAY SPECIAL AND WONDERFUL AND INITIATES IN A GETTING TO BE EXTRAVAGANT OR COST A LOT IF I SEND A TEXT HE FINALLY PUT A NOTE IF I'M I DRIVE HER TO WOULD LIKE TO HAVE TO DO THAT.

I DO NOT BECAUSE I CAST SHE WORKS AT A BUSY HOSPITAL IN THE INNER-CITY AND I WANT TO PROTECT HER.

SO AS PART OF WHY MY MY MY ROLE AS A HUSBAND I TAKE MY DRIVE INTO WORK AND I'M DROPPING OFF RYAN'S ADULT WHEN SHE COMES OUT WHATEVER TIME IT IS.

I'M GOING TO BE THAT WHEN YOU LEAVE THE DEPARTMENT. SHE COULD TO BE COLLECTED BY ME SHOULD NOT HAVE TO GET THE BALL SO GOING OUT. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF ANOTHER PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT DIFFERENT TRANSPORT SITUATIONS. EXAMPLE OF I WANT TO BLESS MY WIFE BECAUSE I RECOGNIZE THAT SHE IS A GREAT BLESSING TO ME. I CAN HEAR SOMEONE SAYING AND THINKING TO THEMSELVES. THAT'S THE KIND OF HUSBAND. I WISH I HAD WHAT I'M HERE.

YOU SAY YOU CAN HAVE THIS KIND OF HUSBAND. IF YOU SEE AS HIM A BLESSING TO YOU LIVE YOU LOOK FOR THE BLESSING PART AND THEN YOU SEEK TO BLESS HIM CHANCES ARE HE WILL INDEED BLESS SHOES TO POWERFUL, POWERFUL POINT. LET'S GO TO ENCOURAGING. I THINK YOU KNOW IT WOULD LITERALLY INCORPORATE RELATED SCARY TIMES RIGHT NOW I THINK SCARY WORLD PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT THE PROMISES OF THE WILL TO KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BACK TO YOU KNOW THAT THE GOVERNMENT AND SCIENCE EVERYTHING TO JUST PROTECT US FROM EVERYTHING GOING WRONG IN THE WORLD THOSE PROMISES KIND OF FALLING SLOT ARE ANXIOUS AND TALKING TO A GUY MIGHT JUST RECENTLY SAYING PLEASE CHRIST, BELIEVE THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HELP MY FAMILY NOT TO FACE THE FUTURE WITH FEAR AND I THINK THAT THAT'S A WAY THAT WE CAN DO THAT IS HIS COURAGE TO ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER AND THAT TO BE THE OTHER PERSON'S GREATEST CHEERLEADER TO BE THERE FOR THEM AND WHEN THE ONE THAT DOWN TO SAY, LET ME HELP. WHAT CAN I DO TO LIFT YOU UP ON THAT WHEN THE DOING GREAT SHOULD BE THE VERY FIRST TO CELEBRATE ALL KINDS OF WAYS THAT WE CAN DO THAT AGAIN. IT CAN BE WITH ALL BECOME GREAT CAN BE VERBAL AND I THINK SOME PEOPLE MAYBE THEY ALL, I NEVER GOT OUT I WAS A KID GROWING UP, MY FAMILY, BY FAITH, YOU WILL BREAK UP AND BECOME THE PERSON THAT ACTUALLY DOES THOSE THINGS BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE SUCH A DIFFERENT WORLD FOR YOU IF YOU ENCOURAGE, AND AGAIN CHRISTIANS IT. IT IS NOT AN OPTION FOR US TIME AND TIME AGAIN THAT THE BIBLE WAITING ENCOURAGE US TO ENCOURAGE ONE PRETTY FUNDAMENTAL TO THE CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE RIGHT THAT WE ARE TO BE ENCOURAGING EVERYONE WITH WHOM WE INTERFACE AND CERTAINLY IN THE MARRIAGE.

LET'S MOVE TO THE WORD SHARING YET AGAIN IT WOULDN'T WORK SO MUCH IN THE NAME BUT I THINK IT'S VULNERABILITY IS WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT AGAIN. THIS CAN BE SOMETHING WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH IT IS INTIMACY AND AGAIN THAT I LOVE THE WAY THE HE SAID THAT WORD LIKE INTO THE SEA IS HELPING OPEN OPEN ALCOHOL TO SOMEBODY ELSE SO THEY GET TO LOOK IN ABOUT WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON ON THE INSIDE OF SO OFTEN WE LEARN TO HIDE AWAY. IT'S ALREADY BEEN A HOAX AND OUR NEEDS AND OUR DESIRES AND WE CAN EXPECT THE OTHER PERSON TO BE A MIND READER.

IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT ME THEN YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. I GOTTA SAY I'M JUST A MALE DOESN'T REALLY WORK FOR ME. I COULD DO WITH SOME HELP KNOWING HOW TO HELP, AND OTHERWISE WE DO IF WE TRULY ARE. THE PERSON DIDN'T JUST BECAUSE I SHOULD ADD THAT CAN OPEN THE DOOR TO RESENTMENT AND THAT JUST GETS WORSE AS IT IS A VICIOUS CIRCLE WHEN WE DON'T WE DON'T TALK WE DON'T WE DON'T LISTEN AND SO YEAH I THINK THAT JUST TO BE ABLE TO FIND TIME AGAIN TO BE ABLE TO ASK THE OTHER PERSON HOW WE HOW WE HOW IS IT GOING WITH YOU RIGHT NOW UNJUST TO TALK ABOUT ME KNOW HOW YOUR LIFE IS GOING AND HOW YOU'RE FEELING JUST THE GREATEST STRESS RELIEVER TO BE TO BE A GOOD IDEA. THE PERSON AND VERY OFTEN I SAY THAT THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT, PERHAPS, IS TO LIGHT WHEN YOU GO TO THE FAST FOOD DRIVE THROUGH AND YOU GIVE YOU ALL WHAT BURGERS YOU WANT WHEN YOU REALLY WANT FRIES AND ALL OF THESE KIND OF THINGS AND THEN AT THE END OF IT. THEY JUST REPEAT IT BACK TO MAKE SURE THEY GOT IT RIGHT. SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE DON, IT CAN SOUND TOO SIMPLE, BUT I JUST FOUND THAT WHEN MY WIFE REPHRASES WHAT I SAY HELPS ME TO BE ABLE TO FLEX IT BACK TO ME. I FEEL HURT AND VICE VERSA. SO THOSE, SIMPLE THINGS REGULARLY DON'T GET TO HELP SOMETIMES ENCOURAGE COUPLES TO HAVE A DAILY SHARING TIME JUST LIKE WE HAVE A DAILY TIME WITH GOD IS CHRISTIANS.

AT LEAST I HOPE WE DO WE SIT DOWN WITH GOD. WE READ THE SCRIPTURES IN SAIGON AND LISTENING TO TALK BACK TO GOD. WELL, AND THAT ENHANCES OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. IF WE HAVE THE SAME KIND OF THING WITH OUR SPOUSE ON A DAILY BASIS. WE'RE GOING TO ENHANCE COMMUNICATION. I LIKE THAT IDEA LET'S GO TO TOUCHING BEST TOUCHING YEAH WELL I KNOW SOME COUPLES TO SAY WELL I'M ALREADY WE'RE ALREADY TWITCHY KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I MEAN THAT THE THAT WE ARE ALL REACHING OUT AND GETTING SOME PEOPLE MIGHT SAY WELL IT'S NOT REALLY THE WAY IT WAS IN MY FAMILY. I WILL WALK AROUND IN IT AND IT MY FOLKS WEREN'T REALLY THE HOLDING TIME CALL AND WE CAN FEEL AWKWARD, ETC. BUT I JUST SAY WITH IT SO IMPORTANT IN ALL KINDS OF STUDIES THAT HAVE BEEN DONE THAT PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CHILDREN FAIL TO LIVE IF THEY HAVEN'T BEEN GIVEN REGULAR LOOKING TORCH AND SO WE KNOW REGULARLY LITTLE WAYS WE END UP BECOMING FEARFUL PEOPLE, AND AGAIN WE DON'T WANT THAT WHEN WE ARE GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS TO KNOW THAT THIS OF THE PERSON LOVES US AND JUST THERE'S ALL KINDS OF BENEFITS THAT THEY BE IMPORTANT TO WHEN WE KISS WHEN WE HOLD ONE ANOTHER. ALL THESE THINGS STRENGTHEN THE BOND OF MARRIAGE. THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT A MARRIED COUPLE BECOMING WARM/YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT TOUCHING IT IN PARTS OF THE AS WE CONNECT WITH FAULTY SOUL AND SPIRIT, AND WE WE REALLY GROW TOGETHER AND I AGAIN I GIVE SOME SOME IDEAS AND STATISTICS DO NOT IN THE BOOK AND THE BOOK OF COURSE YOU DISCUSS EACH OF THESE BLESSING ENCOURAGING, SHARING, TOUCHING, AND THIS BOOK I THINK IS VERY VERY PRACTICAL.

AT THAT POINT AND I HOPE OUR LISTENERS PICKING UP ON THAT. I WILL GET A COPY OF IT. SO ANTHONY IS THERE ONE THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE OTHER IN THE BEST ACRONYM OR THERE ALWAYS OF EQUAL WEIGHT AND I JUST SAY PROBABLY THE ONE THAT YOU FEEL IS IS HOTTEST FOR YOU TO DO IS THE ONE THAT YOU NEED TO DO THE MOST BECAUSE IT'S LIKE THAT'S THE LEVEL THAT YOU WILL GO TO ECOPY THAT YOU FIND IT VERY EASY TO ENCOURAGE OF THE PERSON YOU VERY UNIT ORIENTED BUT ACTUALLY YOU DON'T REALLY SHARE SAY THAT� IT'S JUST GOOD TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU FEEL A LITTLE BIT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH DO MORE OF THAT WATER BILL THAT ONEOK WORK, NOT BECAUSE IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH. I BET YOU THE OTHER PERSON IS FEELING THE CEILING ALONG WITH "The 5 Love Languages" ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY SPEAK THEM ON THIS MOST MEANINGFUL TO THEM AND SOMETIMES IT IS THE ONE THAT'S MOST DIFFICULT FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY DID NOT RECEIVE IT AS A CHILD IS AN ADULT WE DO THOSE THINGS. IT WE NEVER GOING TO ENHANCE THE RELATIONSHIP. THANKS FOR JOINING US TODAY FOR Building Relationships WITH DR. GARY CHAPMAN, AUTHOR OF THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER "The 5 Love Languages" YOU CAN FIND MORE SIMPLE WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS BY GOING TO FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES.COM YOU CAN LISTEN TO THE STREAM OR DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST RIGHT THERE AND YOU'LL FIND A LINK TO THE BOOK BY AUTHOR AND SPEAKER ANTHONY DELANEY. IT'S TITLED THE BEST MARRIAGE. WHY SETTLE FOR LESS. FIND OUT more at 5lovelanguages.com just got a five love languages.com. As you mentioned earlier the last two years have been challenging for a lot of us have you seen anything positive come from this time about coded in the in the lives of couples. Yeah sure.

I think a lot of couples come together because they have realized again that they need one vote could pose a pause could also be those things which help us disable what was like really all about that when we couldn't just spend time away on holidays are all going out each out in restaurants etc. we together, then some people might say well I just couldn't break up the marriage and asking people's statistics that have gone up many, many nations, however I think that many was not certain said this is true for me. I realize that the person the lion don't lock down with the most important person in the world for me, and that the time that we spend together and can be really good on that doesn't cost the week and we can spend time together will be one of the listen to one, the playing games and all those kind of things we just go away.

We actually at one point were able to get away by canoe kayak never known before.

More able to the restrictions allowed us to get to go out for some exercise and we ended not together just to kayak and and was it simply never done before we rediscovered all kinds of things about ourselves and just being out there in nature, way more than we would have been when when I was going off to the office and spending so much time that being able to work from home.

Some people been able to do more can also be a blessing as longest we give each of the space in weekly. Give each of the application with one another, not critical.

So I think yeah I'm certainly finishing up in married couples in the church to so many of them coming to a new appreciation of what is most important when when things are being taken away and has been made more difficult. A bunch little insulting on each of the think I've seen that here in my ministry that couples who had a rather healthy marriage. It's been even better during this time because impaired as you said more time with each other on the other hand, those who really were kind of fractured before covert said in became more difficult. What to what is happened in the UK in terms of divorce during the lockdowns and all of that. Do you have statistics about those numbers. Yeah, I read that divorce is in the UK unfortunately grew significantly in 2020 on the lockdowns and that this effect is continued in 2021 with inquiries about divorce joking 136%, but I do wonder you know there's an awful lot of people I see signs on the sides of buses and things of divorce lawyers who seem to be kind of circling like vultures sometimes around caused issues and I say that we've been married for all these years and I'm grateful that rock of the walkout. We worked out times it is been difficult and we set okay, we really exist in the world. What can we do reset that years ago was that even we just select just what he felt for the sake of the children. Some people say oh you know that's not right.

I'm so glad that we did that.

I'm so glad that we didn't give up on our marriage or give up on each other because that we change and we grow we live we learn from each other. We lunch together and I know that the divorce happens and that some some marriages do break open a Pollyanna about any of buy just because of the people doing, thinking that they can end up happier than the statistics show it again.is not the case. Most people who divorce do not end up happier.

The other side of the divorce so I get my anybody listening is when you say is anything else that you can do anything she can try just to be able to bring healing Robin to bring even more fracture. I know that in the US.

The statistics are that the divorce rate in second marriages is higher than first marriages.

So obviously, the answer was not running. I like your word rather than walking out, let's work it out because it does take effort we have to make some changes in ourselves some dear marriage today is an outdated institution why his marriage continued through the years and why should he continue to be important in the years. Well the single biggest critics of human happiness or social relationship quality and begin bigger show if you're married you twice as likely to report that you have a happy life. You know, we have a married couple to earn more money usually pay less tax less likely to cheat sheet you don't.

As a result they experience better than men. So on the emotional health, with less depression and anxiety and met 1/2 as much at risk of suicide. Married couples are less likely to abuse alcohol or drugs being married reduces the possibility and frequency of domestic violence.

All those figures can be backed up statistically. So again, marriage is God's idea, and I believe it is that he intended the men and women would be this lifelong, loving relationships for their own good, and so that families could be strengthened, so the children could come into the best possible start in life to be able to have a loving woman.around them, and again we know that families these days are very different and people have all kinds of this remarriage is on dollars can think about. I'm not looking. Just saying. He is a perfect picture but why do believe is that marriage is a think it was in the Church of England marriage service.

The service starts by saying marriage is a gift of God in creation and means of his grace. I fully believe stock really is. I think people in our culture and today's culture for the last many many years. The idea that we don't have to get married we can live together we can don't have to commit for a lifetime because maybe one person's gonna make me happy now and somebody else make me happy. Later.

But that whole philosophy is really, centered on me and my happiness and marriages, marriage is twofold. You've listed a lot of the positive things that come out of it, but it also in and means and I'm going to invest my life and somebody else help them to have the company a good life script but but there's real joy and satisfaction in helping other people in an marriage and are giving yourself to your spouse. It's it's not it's not all just work it's it's it's a reward is the satisfaction of seeing your spouse accomplish things for God and good in the world right absolutely is to see that she couldn't be who she is without me and vice versa. I think that goes right back to the pictures out of the know God look to Ottoman said no good for the guy to be alone and that even he even called the Almighty father said he's going to need to show the person to be all I made today and I think that that again is another picture of what can happen in the marriage that the person comes along to help us complete and to shape close and fall most more and more into who we were made to be absolutely communication is a key issue in a key part of the marriage. We've touched a little bit over an earlier but how does the acronym you use in the book think HINK how does that fit what what what is that mean in terms of communication. All I hope that my marriage to Dr. Ellen Redpath who said that all of our communication by so for me fixing my marriage. It is before you speak, sing, and is ask yourself is it true, is it helpful is inspiring. Is it necessary under the kind he fails any of those tests and why would I bring that communication into a marriage is not going to is not going to help. It's going to pull give the person down on his just cause more more more trouble and not just to is better to speak lovingly on unknown defensively found bait very often in my majority is what what will I tried to get back tries to be nondefensive in the way in which I stage Hyundai because I see after all we are on the same side as you mention Ellen read past that I have to stop and say that many years ago when I was in Chicago Moody Bible Institute. He was the pastor of Moody church and I went to Moody church every Sunday morning for three years while I was at Moody Bible Institute and was the first in my life I've ever heard. Expository preaching working through the Scriptures. Absolutely yet incredible ministry my life that I haven't heard his name mentioned in many years now, but okay. I will sidetrack but just wanted to see what communication I love that idea. Think before you speak. You know I like liquid. The questions you ask their once been the biggest lesson that your wife has taught you about marriage goal is a hard one. I think number one would be. She's right on number two. If in doubt, referred to the walk site. I think you looking back I do get a lot wrong uploads to be upset Liam, I hope all is marriages go. I'm a little less proud and I realize that I'm chilly. There's all kinds of things that might my first instinct John made I might be completely wrong and nicely to listen to it. She's got insight I haven't go she's got wisdom that I haven't got so why would I listen to that.

Why would I close� I look back over the years and so often I did. I close that down and ultimately I think it just caught the final one of the thing is just kind to actually recognize that that she's got really valuable, loving import that will help me so often in the past, I might say hey why you what you why don't you just what you criticizing me all your pulling me down with her because she wasn't she was trying to help Josh thing yet to recognize that she's that with the gift of wisdom formed sometimes the husbands, why would you make a decision based on your own wisdom when you're married to a person who's made in God's image and has no another another perspective and you put both your perspectives together, you're probably going to make the wisest decision rather than simply doing what you think you are lovely, so true.

This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" Anthony Delaney is I guess the author of our featured resource titled the best marriage. Why settle for less. Find out more at 5lovelanguages.com again, go to five love languages.com another segment to ask you about how your wife.

It influenced you want to ask this question what what is the biggest lesson you learned about marriage from your adult children well again. Three of them that all in different marriages. They will be saving money to different kinds of people that have different settings within got children at different stages of the other couple of children I'd say as I look at them now. It's just as hard now for them to a marriage, if not harder. I think that this is even more pressures on mileage than when I got married back in 1987. I think that now 2020, choose a choke time to be married. There's all kinds of assaults are coming against marriage on this precious financially and from societal norms, etc. that come against them and so I'm in many ways I think what I've learned is that it just to be there for them what they need to make in that they don't need advice written a book on mileage. They just need somebody to listen to them and to be there and to know I'll be there for them. However, I can be in whatever way I can and I often feel so qualified to give them a lot of advice because I did a great job and not in hard times.

We can always learn from our children and obviously as parents we want to help them but as you said, we don't give unsolicited advice. If they asked our opinion, we can give our opinion and and certainly there were likely they will likely read your book. This book I think I will read it by one other question along those lines once been the biggest lesson you've learned from your parents and their marriage will my parents worked to expose you guys going in a blue-collar work mill all their lives, and my mom worked daytime my dad worked nights for a lot of the time when I was growing up on it was upon was a pretty poor area that were going up in the 60.

I never heard them complain and they work really hot but upward work 10 to 12 hour shifts at night coming and he would love my mom and vice a versa in any time they got to spend together. They made the very best to make the most of it.

They always spoke well of one on my dad went to be with the Lord about 15 years ago now on. My mom still misses them every single day but I got a soft but I think that's what I learned is that everybody you become sale because my shifts on all hospital because my work is his heart.

We come little wonder that we can't have a good strong mileage you have to make the best of whatever is you've got for now and I really saw that that's what they did. You just touched the memory in my heart because my mom and dad also worked in the cotton mill. My mom worked in the first year for my dad worked in the memories to me what what about the person who feels like you know the one that's doing all the work in this marriage. The person just not trying to save.

Well, welcome to my life. It feels like that sometimes and I'd say more lightly nonsense probably need to calm down a little bit so I'd say to myself in all situations because when I feel underappreciated when I feel like things I'm doing now. Note that should not can be a danger point, I could end up saying something like to do I regret that point may be that again. I can go but the illustration about talks about looking a bit like a box. You decide what you put into it and then just put something in and keep on pointing. We reap what we sow in the and it takes place but sometimes I member Andy Stanley says that the reaping what we so it is an immediate is always later great and so if we plan a word of encouragement. All our local or even going to buy flowers all taking of booking the date together that it might feel like it's only a little thing but those little things grow and your building up a deposit in the Lowes bank in the hearts of the other person as you do that you're going to see over time that that will be benefit everybody spy in the bottle and the other person is to some point just to be able to pull back from not feeling that all why am I having to do it all and and and just just try again would be what outing could you see because I do believe as we do that, and does get lesson as we come to the end of our time together. Let me ask you this question. What is ours a husband who is listening to us right now and he saying in his mind. You guys don't understand.

I been sleeping on the couch for a month. There's no hope for us. Would you say to that man well is a plug for the book except to say I seen some white light near the end I describe a time just not that long ago when I felt a very similar position myself from a wife with all kinds of pressures and struggles and one night he came to the point where I decided I wasn't going to get in them.

I would think that I was going to go and sleep in the bed next door and I've never done by going not bad and I heard a little voice inside of me that said, your wife's and you I knew that was going on you as the voice of the Holy Spirit. And even though I when I got in bed. We had that kind of invisible 12 feet tall wall separates Susan without talking and all the things he gave us a chance. The next day to start to rebuild, so I'd say to that man when you pray the Lord's help and get up off the couch.

I'm going to talk to us is always because were human and humans can make changes, and especially if you reach out to God. I really appreciate your joining us again today. The conversation Jordan. Our time together.

First of all, but the content and the content of this book is so practical and so helpful and I know that many of our listeners are going to want to get the book and I hope that they will because sometimes if we just simply work through a book together, both of us reading the same chapter and asking what can I learn from this chapter can be a roadway pathway to enhancing you. So thank you for being with us today. Thank you.great privilege and if I find out more about how to make your marriage the best it can go to the website. Five love languages.com features resource Anthony Delaney's book the best marriage BEST. Why settle for less. Find out more. Five love languages.com five love languages.com next week. Your calls about relationships, love languages, it's a special encore edition dear Gary, thank you to our protection team time Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman radio in association with the ministry in many violent