How to Do Marriage Right | Sunday Message

Hey there, thanks for listening to the Greg Laurie podcast, a ministry supported by harvest partners on Greg Laurie encouraging you if you want to find out more about harvest ministries. To learn more about how to become a harvest partner, just go to harvest.org alright so were in this series. Am I doing this right and were talking about marriage and specifically I'm in the zero when on the husband's. The title of my message is you really need to hear the message you brewing husband. I heard that I did hear about a lady who talked one of our pastors back to said I brought my husband for the message today that reminds me of a time I was in this little restaurant in some lady recognize me and she said are you Greg Laurie yes this is my husband and he's not a Christian and you need to start and the poor guy had just got his burger is getting ready to eat his burger and his wife is just making life miserable. I'm not going to do that to husband's today though I did think of an alternate title for the message instead of how to do marriage right. I thought about husband. I'm gonna kick your butt know that really not going to do that but we wanted what we want to do is see what the Bible has to say about marriage, about husband's about wives, about parenting, and much more.

Let's pray father blesses time as we open your word. It's a lie.

It's powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, but you don't send your word to destroy YouSendIt to restore to strengthen, to bolster to help. So Lord help us to have strong, vibrant, happy marriages speak to us from your word.

Now we pray in Jesus name, amen.

Another quick poll. How many of you are married, raise your hand reach all will get a lot of married people.

How many of you are happily married razor in about the same close.

How many of you are single razor in how many of you who are single want to get married razor in J spending so that's okay.

I'll talk about that in a few moments. How many of you were married which were single again without don't know J so heard about a mom and her five-year-old daughter. The curled up on the couch watching snow white and the seven dwarves together the little girl had never seen this movie before she could hardly wait to tell her dad all about it. So daddy gets home and the little girl tells her dad's old story of Snow White and the seven dwarves and then she talked about the part where the prince comes and kisses her and she comes back alive again and then the little grosses daddy, you know what happened then knowing fairytales. He said well then they lived happily ever after. The little girl said no daddy. Then they got married so sometimes people think marriage can be like a fairytale. We have this vision of love that is been given to us by movies from COM television shows, and other things what we think are princes going to come to us riding on a white horse or our beautiful wife is going to come to us on the beach at sunset, running tortoise in slow motion. That's how we'll know it's her she's going in slow motion.

Right but I don't really believe in fairytales.

We will live happily ever after.

But the question is can we live happily even after you know sometimes people think they have a marriage made in heaven, which is a nice sentiment, but does that mean other people have a marriage made in hell I mean if you have a happy marriage. If you have a strong marriage. A marriage made in heaven, so to speak. That's because you have applied your cell. If your marriage is hurting. That's probably because you've neglected things to make it that way. It's been said marriage is like a three ring circus engagement ring and wedding ring and suffering now. I hope that's not the case for you because we wanted to marriage rights. I've seen it done wrong. Far too many times as you know, my mother was married in the worst seven times and she had a bunch of boyfriends in between her husband's and as I want that life of my mom. I knew that was not the life I wanted to live but stats tell us if you come from a divorce home. It's a far higher possibility that you yourself will end up divorced but think God Kathleen are getting ready to celebrate 50 years of marriage. So here's some video looks I get from another's injury of our wedding. Look at that. What's going on with that soon okay that's a bad suit look like a pimp for some better moments, God� He doesn't see doesn't see to look to say so. My wife looked at me and she saw underneath all of that hair and beard was a bald man definitely got but were thankful to God almost 50 years heard about a couple that was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary friends and family were gathered. Husband stood up in front of everyone and said, my dear wife, I want to say after 50 years you been tried and true. The problem was. His wife was a little hard of hearing. So she said what he said my dear wife after 50 years, I felt you tried and true. She shot back will after 50 years. I'm tired of you to believe you've heard that joke Reggie and what he want a metal look.

We need to do this. God's way, he's shown us how to have a strong and lasting marriage for their people that think they can change the way marriage is structured or how it should work. A survey of millennial's, found that 43% of them would support what is called marriage model which means you would test a relationship for two years before deciding to commit or dissolve and then at the end you negotiate.

See if you want to remain married.

This is so stupid on a number of levels. Here's the bottom line. People think living together is a good way to determine as to whether or not a marriage will work. Let me say this, if you want to undermine a potentially strong marriage lived together outside of marriage is able why do you say that will number one. The Bible tells us clearly that we she make that commitment before we enter into a sexual union with someone, but studies show the same thing. Couples who live together are gambling and losing an 85% of the cases. Many believe the myth that a trial marriage can work it actually it's more like a trial divorce were 8/10 couples will break up before the wedding, or afterwards in divorce so it's like how to sabotage a marriage lived together so I know I'm talking to someone who's living together stop you need to make an immediate change in that area. If you want to have a strong and lasting marriage. I wish we could take this word divorce and strike it from our vocabularies weblog should be a padlock. The Bible gives us all the information we need to know about how to have a strong marriage.

A lot of us aren't even aware of what it says so there so many passages I could turn to.

But I'm at a start with Ephesians chapter 5. So turn there with me if you would Ephesians chapter 5 in why you're turning their it's amazing to me that people think so much about a wedding and thinks so little about a marriage you can spend so much on weddings.

Now it's unbelievable my wedding because like $15.

It was like a hippie wedding.

It also it was pretty inexpensive but people think so much about the wedding. What about the marriage of the put so much thought into purchasing a house but they won't give any thought to building a home that's really matter. So here we have a foundational truth about marriage in Ephesians 5, verses 31 to 33.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

This is a great mystery. Paul writes, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Here's point number one if you're taking notes. God created marriage God created marriage. It wasn't Adam's idea.

It was God's idea before God created the church before God created the state before God created the school before God created the heat of these things he created marriage that tells us something that tells us that marriage is the very foundation of the family and the family is the very foundation of the nation as marriage goes, so goes the family as the family goes, so goes the nation. That is why our nation is in so much trouble right now because of the breakdown of the family and wires are a breakdown of the family because Satan hates what God love God loves us. He created marriage for us. Satan knowing the power that marriage has a strong family has on a nation is done everything he can to undermining you it's worth noting that the devil doesn't even enter the scene until Eve is created by not blaming it on me. But I'm saying soon as a man and a woman come together at double stuff.> We gotta put a stop to this. We can't have this. That's when the attacks begin. So we need to do it God's way is my friend James Merritt says and I quote, if you're in a bad marriage. It's not because God had a bad idea. Marriage is his ideal idea. The problem is we got married and we turn in ideal into our inner ordeal that we want to look for a new deal." We've gotten away from God's original plan. The Bible begins with a wedding in the book of Genesis and it ends with a wedding when the bride and the bridegroom are joined together. So this first marriage of anonymity was effectively a model for every marriage. Here's what Adam said in the garden of Eden Genesis 223 after God created the this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of me. You know what we think of the garden of Eden.

We might almost think of it as Tisha's place of fairytale destination. Sort of like Camelot or Neverland or Atlanta test but even was a real place and it had real people and real events took place is now place or nothing of all the gorgeous places you've ever seen or maybe even a photograph of an exotic location you would like to visit one day even surpassed all of those things. It was absolute perfection. Adam's job before Eve was created was to discover this secret psychotic placed in the garden to just enjoy fellowship with the Lord in this wonderful as I was.

Something was missing in Adam's life and to be more specific.

Someone was busy naming the animals were great, but Adam needed a companion like Kim and over and over in the book of Genesis we see the Lord creating things insane.

It was good. It was good.

It was good.

And then God looks at the loneliness of Adam in Genesis 218 and he says it's not good song to make a helper comparable to him comparable to him. So someone who would assist him or help her reach fulfillment.

So God created Eve and this is where it all begins or brings me to point number two to have a marriage that works requires you to do two essential things again to have a marriage of works requires you to do two essential things. What are they you are to leave and you are to clean.

That's wrong right there for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife or clean to his wife in verse by the Hebrew word for leave is often translated abandoned as an abandon ship, so the ideas the men must abandon the ship of his parents and the daughter the same in the two of them must get into their own little ship called marriage know you're still as Sunday your parents or daughter to your parents or a sister or brother, but now our new family has formed in this new family. This new union between a man and a woman must take precedence over all other family relationships. The closest relationship outside of marriage is specified here a son to his parents.

So now this is the new family unit and the primary responsibility now is to be a good husband or a wife, and in time to be a good father or mother.

The husband's primary commitment must be to his wife and hers to him. So it's finding that right person heard about a guy that is having a hard time finding his wife because his mom didn't approve.

Donna Gurley brought her home. Mother didn't like her found another girl brought her home. Mother didn't like her either, so he goes and finds a girl that looks like his mother dresses like his mother talks like his mother brings her own now the father didn't like her so that's a problem. So leaving a man will leave his father and mother.

That means you give other relationships. A lesser degree of importance that includes best friend and that certainly precludes close relationships with members of the opposite sex. Because now you're married and now that could be a potential conflict down the road so you leave and then you clean. That's King James, your joined together in a union support here for Cleve means to glower to cling to the ideas I could see her climbing up the face of a mountain you're holding on tightly, so it's something you're holding onto each other. You're not stuck together your glued together. You are holding on to each other so you leaving you Cleve you sever and you bond you loosen and secure it apart from and attached to and your spouse should be your best friend that's so important because marriage really starts with a friendship and it should always be that French appear just business partners or lovers are parents are all the other things that you do. You are hopefully first and foremost friends. How well do you know your spouse is an interesting verse in Malachi 213 says the Lord is been with this between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless although she is your companion and wife interesting seizure companion and wife in the work companion can be translated one. You are united with them, thoughts, goals, plans and efforts by the way, that's why you only want to marry a Christian look.

Marriage is hard enough being married to a Christian. Okay, let's be honest about this is challenging. It's hard, but to marry a nonbeliever how can you be united with the nonbeliever and thoughts, goals, plans and efforts. The answer is you catalyst the believer is disobeying God in and is aligning themselves with the values of the nonbeliever.

Whether this is very important you are united together, and if you don't do this right. It will hinder your prayer life.

Listen to this husband's first Peter 37 says husbands draw with your wife with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life, so your prayers will not be hindered. Weight what what in other words, God is saying if you don't do this right husbands if you love your wife is you want to.

If you're not united with her. If you're not giving honor and respect are your prayers will be hindered, so if you feel like your prayers have been been going anywhere lately.

Maybe that this is one of the reasons to see some other way to dwell with your wife doesn't need to just live with her. It actually means to be aligned doing to give maintenance to God to give maintenance to a marriage just like you want to give maintenance to a car and the problem is is you know you buy a new car and you know when you buy that new car you make all these valves I will never eat food in this car.

I will wash his car every week.

I will maintain this car and then though a month goes by and then a year goes by and then three years go by your shuttling the kids back and forth in, and you've done all the things you said you would never do and you've neglected the engine anywhere machines the loyal, and you haven't done the things that you need to do to keep the car running and then the car starts puttering and breaking down or even worse, she safe.

I'm tired of this old car, I want to get a new car right or you might say. I'm tired of this old marriage and I want to get a new marriage.

I want a new person know what you need to do is maintain the old car if you will turn it into a classic you know when you see that when you see a perfectly restored car cruising down the road.

It's a thing of beauty. I used to have a 1957 Bel Air now some of you know what that is.

I should have a picture to show you is beautiful at the Continental kit that means it just was decked out. Gold trim is super cool problem was, no one wanted to drive with me in this car. I would see the calculus club for dreadful Creek. I don't like it. I feel like were in a parade. Okay, I pick up my son Jonathan after he served dad you have to bring that car.

Everybody's looking at is the only person I could get to drive in that car was my dog so me and the dog had a night out and out genocide but nothing was in perfect running order original parts matching numbers everything. Then I sold it. I regretted it afterwards. But it's a beautiful thing to see a perfectly restored car and it's even a more beautiful thing to see a perfectly restored functioning marriage that is gotten stronger, not weaker. With the passing of time so maintain maintenance. We have something in our car called an idiot like maybe we need idiot lights in our marriage. The warning husbands, love your wife Winslow time you told your wife you love your or wives respect her husband.

Stop nagging him and look the warning said probably be pretty good thing CS Lewis put it this way and I quote he said people get from books and I would add for movies and TV as well. People get from books. The idea that if you married the right person, you may expect to go on being in love forever, and as a result they find they are not. Now they think this proves that they made a mistake in there and try to do a change, not realizing that when the change, the glamour will presently go out of the you love just as it went out with the old one. Lewis concludes in this department of life, as in every other thrills come at the beginning and do not last, but if you go through with it the dying away of the first grill will be compensated for by a quieter, more lasting kind of interesting quote very well said so you hang in there and periodically I must take stock of my marriage and ask myself the question, is there any relationship that is infringing on my relationship with my spouse, or is there anything I'm engaged in that is taking away from my marriages is making my marriage weaker or is it making it stronger. Point number three men hold the key to a happy and working marriage. Men hold the key to a happy and working marriage.

Ephesians 5 verse 25 reader with me. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself as a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, and that she should be holy and without blemish.

So there's a conclusion. So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies and he who loves his wife loves himself.

So important you know it's interesting to note that Paul is three times more to say to husbands then to wives. So gentlemen, start your engines came on see in many marriage relationships. The husband is passive at best and sometimes even resist it in so many marriages wives are the ones taking the initiative spiritually. But according to Scripture, husband should be taking point. Husband should be leaving husband should be loving their wives as Christ loves the church of the ghetto. Greg give me a break. Who can do that answered no one without the help and power of the Holy Spirit which will talk about in just a moment, but here's a simple test to determine whether you love your wife are not you love her enough to not just look for but to die for her listen and die to you if you want to love your wife. You've got a dive for what you want out of the marriage, and start living for what you can give to the merit. Let me say that again if you want to love your wife. You got to die for what you want out of the marriage and live to what you can give to the merit a successful marriage is not finding the right person. It's being the right person. Okay it's it's on you. This is addressed to husbands and wives.

By the way, oh, he needs to do that. Will she needs to change this then may all be true. Start with you.

You see, this is the idea you put the needs of your mate above your own, you make it more about them than you make it about you but here's the cool thing. What is Paul tell us to do. Love your wife as Christ loves the church okay were the church right where the bride of Christ. Why do we love Jesus right now. The answers found in the Bible verse John we love him because what we love him because he first loved us. Jesus took the initiative, Jesus showed his love in a tangible way to us and because of that love and oneness over and we came out of our rebellious ways.

In the same way guys you love your wife as Christ loves the church she's going to respond treat her like a thoroughbred.

She won't be coming back that'll offend someone. I don't know a woman is not a horse. My answer is, of course, of course, unless it is a talking horse. These are old references to old TV shows kid so don't be alarmed at the Griggs losing his mind. He is talking about horses calling women that know how to sing, treat her like a thoroughbred and she will become the nevermind I believe men hold the key to a happy and blessed marriage that brings me to point number four doing marriage right requires constant communication doing marriage right requires constant communication. There are two times when a man does not understand a woman before marriage and after marriage. So just get that out of the way but without question.

Communication is the lifeblood of the marriage talking with each other. Listening to each other. A survey was done among divorced couples, they were asked why did their marriage fail 86% said deficient communication. So we need to learn how to communicate.

I heard about couple that was having marital problems so they went to see their pastor. They sat down at his office in the awesome a lot of questions and after about 30 minutes. He says I think I discovered the problem yes the wife to stand up pastor came from behind his desk, walked over to the woman gave her a hug. He looked at the man and he said this is what your wife needs at least once a day. Husband said great. What time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow so I think you missed the point right guys listen, you don't need to just hug your wife you need to tell your wife you love her right was the last time you told your wife you love her, you can do right now. Husbands look at your wife look at them repeat these words after me.

Repeat these words.

Greg is a handsome man when Johnson say I hate it when preachers do stuff like this don't you know Circe to just look at her. Tell her you love her, I didn't hear it could give her a kiss, your permission, that's right. Very good.

See women communicate in a much more fluid way than men. Sometimes we say women are more emotional than men.

We also say women don't know how to park and men do to the first point is wrong. The second that's true still not getting no bed women are no more emotional than men. They express their emotions differently than and feel everything women feel, but we don't express it in the same way up front will all be honest were mystified by the way girls talk, watch girls talk like three girls four girls having a conversation simultaneously. That's not the way guys talk guy Dante Hauser gone hey what are you doing I don't know that's a guy talking right girls are talking and talking and all these things are happening and then they say there are numerous other little go to the bathroom together and off they go guy would never do that ever again we see each other in the bathroom. It's awkward. But we have the emotions I think it's easier in some ways not always within some ways for women to say they love each other than men say to each other. I love you love you love you love you love you love you guys.

I love you bro and we give up on you know just want you to get the wrong idea husbands listen to some of the bad guys, is it this message.

But listen you going to tell her because I know that a guy I know that I do use an example will my wife Elsie. She looks so beautiful today and I love the way she looks in that outfit, then that was a fantastic meal but I was really encouraging what you think all think it and not say it she can read my mind.

So you need to say those things to her. Verbalize it. I love what it says over in Proverbs 31.

Her children rise up and call her blessed so kids remember to honor your mom to tell your mother how much you appreciate her call her blessed.

But then it goes on to say that her husband also praises her husband's praise, your wife, respect your wife complement your wife in front of the kids do in front of other people. Let me tell you about my wife. She's so amazing never listen you never criticize your spouse in front of others, will they need criticism that may be true, learn the art of kicking them under the table instead. But don't say my husband is so lazy or my wife is so that court no. Don't ever do that. You say that for a private conversation later but you know sometimes as time passes. We look at our spouse and say wow this is what I signed up for the wives ever feel like you dated Dr. Jacqueline married Mr. Hyde's or any husband here that feel like you went to bed was sleeping beauty and woke up with the wicked witch of the West, one comedian said, my wife and I were happy for 20 years.

Then we met so this is the problem. There's an old Arab proverb not in right this don't get mad at me.

It's an old one.

Marriage begins with the Prince kissing an angel and ends up with a baldheaded man looking across the table and a fat lady, wow brutal that's true in our marriage, not the woman part but the guy part right so you know, time changes, we say well I don't really like this man I married to this woman I married, but you need to hang in there and I'll tell you why, because the best is yet to come.

My two how do you know, I know. Listen to this study was done in couples who are having conflict but decided to stay together two thirds of the unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported their marriages were happy. Five years later most striking long-term studies demonstrated that two thirds of those unhappy marriages will become happy within five years of the people stay married and don't get divorced. So hang in there weather the storm would soar okay this is where you need help. That brings me to my last point number six.

I need the power of the Holy Spirit to be a good spouse.

I need the power of the Holy Spirit to be a good spouse of coming back to Ephesians 5 before Paul says husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church before he says wise respect your husband and submit on your husband and son of the Lord. He says this, Ephesians 518. Don't be drunk with wine, because I will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves making music in your heart to the Lord.

Give thanks for everything to God the father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and submit one to another out of reverence for Christ. Underline members submit one to another out of reverence for Christ to send me just submit means to get underneath know it's not just about a wife submitting to a husband, it's about a husband submitting tool wife let me put it another way, anything you're supporting her you're helping her you're supporting him you're helping Kim it means to rank beneath the rank under so that servant leadership from the husband. This is there but isn't about superiority or inferiority. It's about sacrifice.

It's about putting your mate first. Putting God first before them.

Of course, and then putting your me first so if you're a spirit filled person you will think of others above yourself. Now we don't like the word submit. We don't like the idea of a ranking under someone, but that's because were selfish when we should be selfless, but I'm spirit filled up with someone else above myself. Most marriages fail because people don't do what the Bible says and then make it all about themselves to let me wrap this up I'll talk about this more next time than them in the trunk of the wives a little bit. So husbands make sure you come back with your wife lives. Make sure you show up it'll all be good. We got to just get this sorted out and priorities in our life because I think sometimes people think marriage is going to make them happy. I think this was the problem with my mom. Quite frankly I mean she could just dated a lot of men, but she married them, sometimes without a lot of time before they would just go get married seven times she was thinking a man was going to meet the deepest needs of her life.

You know my mother was really looking for. She was looking for Jesus, and she found him. Toward the end of her life. Though she had been raised in the Christian home, but we need go no marriages at all be happy when I married I just know I'll be happy and then he can marry you. Wow. Okay, I'm not so happy. Or maybe I need we need kids have kids you have kids and is a well and need to get rid of these kids. I need to move out there like in their 40s may still live in the basement what's going on there on Twitter all the time you get rid of the kids. They move out all well you know maybe we need to divorce and get remarried. Then he had remarried all wow I thought this is going to be, but it's actually worse in my first marriage and on and on it goes, or that single person all by just was married. I know it be happy to listen everybody single people, married people every person, it's Jesus were really looking for.

This is the one we want. This is the one we this one little thought for the singles. We talked to you yes last time with Pastor Jonathan but you know Paul says in first Corinthians 7 he that is married, cares for the things of his wife and he that is single, cares for the things of the Lord. And so if you don't understand what polysemy might say well it's better to be single to married knowing it's not better. It just whatever God called you to do. That's what he's called you to do. Some people are called to a life of singleness. Jesus was not married. The apostle Paul was not married and it may be that God called you to a single life and when you're single. Your mobile, your flexible you can do things that a married person frankly cannot do so when Paul says he that is very cares of the things of his wife or her husband and how they may please them. That's not a criticism. That's an observation of responsibility that comes with marriage when you're married, you can't just run off and do whatever you want to live like a single do when your marriage. You need to bring your wife and of the conversation and get her opinion, he can just go by whatever or do whatever. Now it's a partnership it's a union. The two will become one. You have to think about your wife. You need to think about your kids. This is the responsibility given to you by God. But when you're single, you don't have those responsibilities waiting on you, so you have an ability to maybe do things that the married person could not do the simple take away truth is this just wherever God is called you to be in life live in that space that don't be the single person for folios married in the married person only have a single know you do what God is called you to do and put God first and you need the power of the spirit to pull all of this off so I thought we would close by praying for that power in our life. You know what we talked about being spirit filled.

I think sometimes we overly mystifying, oh Holy Spirit's whip to see it like that Sony's parent know let's just get it on the light of day the Holy Spirit, the third member of the Trinity wants to fill you good thing to do before you even get out of bed in the morning, Lord, fill me with the Holy Spirit. Empower me with this.

Lord I can't be the husband you've called me to be without this power, Lord, the wife would think I can be the wife you call me to be without this power the parents and say Lord we can be the parent you want us to be without this power, we just can't do it, that's okay, let him fill you with that power. Let's pray right now, Lord, fill us with the holy spirit, whether to pray that out loud, pray Lord fill me with the Holy Spirit.

Go pray's Phyllis Mark help us to be the husband's help us to be the wives help us to be the parent you called us to be Lord, we know how important marriages. We know the devil hates it. We know it's under attack.

I pray for the group of people I'm speaking to. Right now, and I pray that these marriages would be strengthened.

I pray that divorce will not break any on here among the folks that are gathered here in this message. We pray for our homes and we pray you will strengthen our homes and bless our home and keep us close to you.

Bless our marriages bless our families bless our singles bless every person here every person watching and listening. Help us to be close to you, we commit ourselves to you now in Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Everybody, thanks for listening to this podcast to learn more about harvest ministries follow the show and consider supporting it. Just go to harvest.org and find out how to know God personally go to harvest.org and click on know God